In this compelling episode, we delve deep into the intricate interplay of subtle energies around the terms Integrity and Confidence and how one is done in consciousness and one is not. We also get into how to shift your perspective from confidence and into integrity to align and stand in your power.
[00:00:21] Aaron: Well, it has taken us 140 episodes to get here, but welcome to the first Wise Whys video podcast for all of you watching on YouTube or possibly even Spotify. For the rest of you, you are hearing our voices as you have for the last 140 episodes. But if you want to see our fabulous mugs in prime time as it is, go to our YouTube channel or to Spotify to see our video podcasting from now on.
[00:00:56] Alexander: Thank you, everybody. And this is an exciting graduation in our process. And we've changed the platform a few different times as we've moved through these six or seven years or so. And so this is another exciting time and sharing in this way will be adventurous. And so let's see where it takes us.
[00:01:15] Aaron: Yes. We've covered a vast amount of subjects and topics in self development and self growth. And we're just always looking for new ways to bring it to you guys because everybody learns differently and needs to hear certain things in certain different ways or visual ways. And so we're here trying to provide that to you.
[00:01:36] And Alexander today wanted to discuss integrity versus confidence. And this is an episode that I think many people struggle with out there. Like when you brought it to my attention, Alexander, I can just think of somebody who's lying in bed and they have these things they want to accomplish in life, but they just don't know how to get started.
[00:02:03] And so they have these thoughts and these wishes and these desires of how they want their life to be, but they just don't know how to get started. And so somebody like that may say or think that they lack self confidence. And I think this also can go back to, it can go back to some trauma that they had, their environment as they're raised or even their energetic makeup.
[00:02:31] Because I think about myself and with self confidence, I don't have a lack of it, but I think a lot of that is because of how I was energetically created on this plane. And so it's hard for me to connect with somebody who doesn't have a lot of self confidence. So I'm kind of lost there. But I can understand and, and have compassion for people who feel like they just don't know where to start or they don't feel that automatic sense of person, to just go out there and like do the things like, and make the things happen that they want.
[00:03:18] Alexander: And this is a, you know, a common issue and in our culture and around the world, but what I really want people to consider during this podcast is to be the investigator of where are you insecure or where are you easily triggered, in common group settings or private settings. For some people they want to maybe perform or teach but they get nervous in front of people.
[00:03:55] So this is another great exercise to, rather than being the judge of whether you do have this issue or don't to be the investigator to go, where am I weak in standing in my power? And that's what this is really connected to. I have a lot of clients that ask me to explain to them how to stand in your power, especially when negative emotions are coming up and it takes practice like everything else.
[00:04:21] And the, one of the biggest issues with people in general is living in integrity is basically like your actions and your desires, or intentions- your actions and your intentions are in alignment. And normally that takes some type of structure, and discipline, and consistency to develop over a long period of time.
[00:04:53] And see, anybody that is easily knocked off center or easily triggered, the many times they have an insecurity around the subject that gets brought up. And the reason that they are so triggered is that they're not living in integrity in a way to where they're developing to get better and better or stronger and stronger in any given subject.
[00:05:19] And that's what we're going to talk about today is how to find those areas of your life that you're not as fulfilled as you would like to be. And then the steps to put into place to work towards that integrity, rather than most people focus on self confidence or confidence in general. And I've seen many people struggle with trying to build their confidence with something. And this is just like a little secret shortcut from my view or the just philosophies view of, if you want to be more confident, then start living in more integrity. And I think that's many people will start to see a big shift.
[00:06:05] Aaron: As you were bringing up your examples, one thing that I do lack confidence in is like, I think you mentioned speak public speaking or speaking in front of people. And I definitely don't have confidence in that because of, I have an insecurity around that. So, with that, I can see how like self confidence is more, it's almost more of a mental thing to me. It's like I can like talk myself into being more confident or bring in certain perspectives that allow me to be more confident in certain areas now. That's again just mental, so it may not actually be like true, but I guess what you're saying is the difference between confidence and integrity is one's almost like a thinking in a way and one's actually a doing.
[00:06:59] Alexander: Yes, because confidence is something that almost continuously needs reassuring. So people that are seeking the path of confidence, they're reliant on people's approval or they are affected by people's disapproval. And normally the more compliments somebody gets, then the more confident they will feel.
[00:07:25] But what I want to suggest is that that confidence has an expiration date until they run into some judgment, and then they automatically go into questioning themselves, and it starts this downward spiral. To where someone that works every day at something, even if it's for five minutes a day or 11 minutes a day, just consistently. Then see they will get better because we're habitual creatures, so you will get better at that thing as time goes on. And then see people will still have their judgments. They will still have their opinions. Those aren't going anywhere. But the thing is is that the person that lives in integrity and is practicing everything that they want to get better at, they're going to be less affected by people's either approval or disapproval.
[00:08:18] So when you see somebody that you project, oh, that's a confident person because they were able to take that challenge around that subject, say around working out or dieting or whatever it is. And they were almost even attacked, but they weren't phased by it. Because they work at it on a consistent basis, so they have faith and trust that it's just going to keep getting better and better. And see, they can take that judgment and even receive it in a different way and say, Oh, thank you so much for pointing that out. This has been on my mind and this is what I have issued daily to help me to get better at this.
[00:09:01] And so see, it helps to create a flow of the conversation rather than it just being a judgment. And that's why I wanted to highlight this integrity over confidence. And it is a slight shift in the mindset, because again, the confidence is very mental oriented and that's why people's judgments, the emotions are created in the mental level. So that's why people's judgments have such an effect. But integrity is working through all five of the levels that we talk about all the time on this podcast. The Spiritual, the Mental, the Emotional, the Energetic, and the Physical. And that's another big part of the integrity because confidence don't always carry all of those levels.
[00:09:48] It does mainly get stuck or mainly operate out of that mental level. So again, bringing all five levels into that the subject of integrity.
[00:09:59] Aaron: Would you also say that confidence is more like it's more of a belief and integrity is more like a knowing?
[00:10:09] Alexander: Yes, its- Confidence is something that can be faked. You know, back in my younger days when I really, really enjoyed playing basketball, it was one of the things that I was very affected by early on, was other players confidence and the trash talking that comes from that.
[00:10:31] And see, a lot of the trash talking isn't necessarily built off of proof. It's a mental game and Dennis Rodman was a professional player back in the 90s with the Chicago bulls and other teams. That was part of his plan was to get under the skin of other people and he used his confidence to do that. But see anybody that he come across that lived in integrity, he wasn't able to phase at all. And there were certain players that just, that didn't work on. And that's what I use my basketball days before I semi retired. I use those at that time to get better at working at my integrity, to work to not let other people's trash talking get under my skin. And that was determined on how much I practiced, how much effort I put into getting better. And that built the trust and the faith.
[00:11:28] And we talk about the spiritual level of these five levels consisting of Faith, Trust, Nonjudgment, and Gratitude. And so when you're living in integrity, you're constantly practicing those four things with the faith and the trust that you will get better through the repetition over time.
[00:11:47] Aaron: And when doubt comes in, that's when our confidence erodes. And, you know, some examples of kind of what you were speaking to is, that come to mind is, you know, lately there are people who will take a stand against something because it kind of, just from a perspective, outside perspective, it aligns with their values, but as soon as they're attacked by a group of people, they back up, they back out and they apologize or, you know, change up something because there's a group of people that don't like what they said or what they did. And so you could say that they were maybe definitely operating out of confidence. And there was no like integrity with what they said initially. Because if it really was integrity, then that's like a knowing, and that's like their truth, and they would stand in whatever it was and it wouldn't matter what other people think, because that's what they know. Right?
[00:12:39] Alexander: Yes. And even in living in integrity, there is an acceptance, and, an acceptance that the opposite view has to exist. And this is one of our other pillars in the J.U.S.T. Philosophy, polarity versus duality that however strong you feel about a subject, there has to be somebody else that feels just as strong about the opposite side.
[00:13:03] So when you're able to live into integrity and you're in communication through integrity, see, there's no fight. There's an understanding that I'm here to state my view. And of course, you're here to state your view, and I'm not trying to overpower your view. I'm not trying to tell you your view is, is wrong.
[00:13:22] See again, confidence is connected to ego and ego wants to defend. And, another one of my favorite sayings is that truth doesn't need defending. It only needs mentioning. And then live in integrity and do whatever you need to do to back up that truth, kind of like what you were just talking about. That the difference between the standing in something in confidence and standing in something in integrity is that you can be very challenged with the confidence. And many times where confidence is involved, there's not a lot of depth. So again, integrity brings the gradual changes over long periods of time and that consistent effort that builds that knowing. And this may be hard for our listeners to separate, but, you know, thinking something and knowing something is two different things, believing something and knowing something, two different things.
[00:14:15] And yes, a lot of confidence is built around the belief of how one views themselves and when they're able to view themselves through integrity, they know that what efforts they're putting in and how long they've been putting in that effort. And they can trust and have faith in the more time they put in the better they're going to get at this.
[00:14:36] So this is what, you know, i've shared in the past that I watch a good bit when I do watch tv I watch a good bit of documentaries, because I love watching people's perseverance. And a big shift in this, many times, for a lot of people that are successful from my view of success, is a shift from focusing on confidence to working in integrity. And then they just like chopping the wood and carrying the water and one day they're going to build a house. And that's the way that I want everybody to look at this as you're making the shift of this understanding of self value, to really focus on the things that are important to you and then make sure that your actions are in alignment with those intentions.
[00:15:19] Aaron: And another thing that comes to mind when I think about confidence is it's almost like you're setting expectations for yourself, like how you want yourself to be in a way. Like you were saying, you can build up your self confidence but that doesn't mean that's the reality of what it is. And you almost need to have some confidence to maybe push yourself to do certain things.
[00:15:44] Or, I mean, I guess integrity can drive you there but with expectations comes disappointment. And if you are trying to pump up your confidence to do something and you expect yourself to follow through and you don't, like you're going to lose a lot of confidence if you don't.
[00:16:04] But I guess with integrity, integrity seems like it's more of a grounded energy and you're not like, you understand that you're going to fail, I guess, is what I'm trying to get to. And you're not going to take it personally. You're not going to lose a lot of energy if you fail, you're just going to get right back up because you know the direction, you know what you're worth, you know where you want to go and where you're going to be. And you accept that it takes the work. It's not like this falsehood where, you know, I'm going to go out and I'm going to, I'm going to, like for me, I'm going to go and I'm going to talk in front of a thousand people for two hours and not have any sort of anxiety over it. Like that's foolish for me to think, but I could maybe pump myself up with confidence and think that I could do it.
[00:16:59] But I guess in integrity, I would, it would be like, I would have a plan set in place to work towards that because I would have like this value inside of me that, that knows that, that I have the ability to do this, that it's, it's all of these insecurities and traumas that are kind of creating this sort of environment within myself to make me think that I can't do it.
[00:17:25] So I need to take the small steps to get to that point and accept that I'm going to fail. But if I keep doing it consistently, that I'll get there as, at some point
[00:17:36] Alexander: Yes, and I'm so glad that, you were honest enough to, you know, go from, it's hard for you to relate to people that don't have self confidence to being that investigator and finding, well, yeah, public speaking is an area that I could work on. And it's a great example because yes, many times people will try to pump themselves up to a positive affirmations or, psyching themselves up, that kind of thing, and the path from integrity is connected to, okay, I see that I want to be better at public speaking, so I'm going to start with just three or four people and I'm going to go to a coffee house, and I'm going to lead the conversation of these three or four people at the table. And then the following week, I'm going to try to find a few more people. And then I'm going to look for any kind of like open mic night or any place that is public that is allowing people to share anything. That could be a philosophy, could be a poem, it could be a song, it could be, you know, your thoughts.
[00:18:48] And see you're gradually working towards, on a daily or weekly basis, of getting stronger and stronger with that, gradually. And that's where the saying gradual changes over long periods of time equals lasting results.
[00:19:03] So the person that's going to operate out of confidence, they may or may not practice, and they might try to pump themselves up for months for this public talking event. And then the person that's working out of integrity, they start this actual practice with a schedule and with a very clear intention to slowly increase the amount of people that they're speaking in front of.
[00:19:28] And so for me, that it's not that the person that lives in integrity isn't ever going to get nervous speaking in front of people, but yes, what they do is they accept that, Hey, this is part of the learning curve and many times confidence doesn't think about that, it's in such a defense. It's a, such a defensive action that, and that's where the sensitivities come from.
[00:19:52] So again, I don't see a lot of acceptance in confidence, but I do see a large amount of acceptance in the path of integrity.
[00:20:02] Aaron: And where there's not acceptance, there's going to be resistance. So it's almost like the reaction that you may have trying to public speak is going to be worse because you're not in acceptance of, okay, it's going to take time. But I would even say like this podcast is a good example of consistently working on it because at the beginning I wasn't sure that I- like, I hated my voice. I hated listening to my voice and it took a while of doing this to get more and more comfortable.
[00:20:37] And I'm getting, every episode we do, I get more and more comfortable. I'm still not a hundred percent comfortable. At the beginning- I'm still, I still feel socially awkward starting it out. What am I going to say? That sounds dumb to me. Like I'm going to judge it after and think and wish that I did things differently.
[00:20:53] So there's all, it's always going to be there. But I feel like the proof, just for me, as an, as an experience in doing this podcast is- you know, I started with not liking my voice and being very awkward and not having confidence and then knowing that, that I was meant to do this in this lifetime and that knowing has driven me.
[00:21:22] Like I listened to it a lot. And I mean, that's why I'm in- I don't really know why I'm in Tennessee but I'm here now. And it's just listening to that knowing and doing the changes. And again, like not knowing why I'm doing it, but I just know that I'm supposed to be here and I'm just following that.
[00:21:39] Alexander: Yes. And that's you know, and it's been a consistent effort now for over seven years. And that falls under exactly what I'm talking about. But if you haven't done it so consistently, then yeah, you may have to pull on your ego a little bit here and there when you did do a podcast with someone. So I think that's a great example and it's a great place to, to break and us go into the Complete Conversation.
[00:22:03] So I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with Aaron and all you beautiful people. So, please join us.
[00:22:12] Aaron: Yeah. And in the complete conversation, Alexander, we're going to talk more about maybe the differences between integrity and confidence. And, I mean I have many more questions, but we're also going to get into the tools and techniques on how to shift your energy from like that confidence based perspective into more of an integrity based perspective and whether that means, you know, bringing in more of tools outside of the just philosophy. Talking about like this schedule that we mentioned in the last episode, where I've been trying this schedule, Ryan has been trying this schedule and how that lines up with integrity.
[00:22:52] So we're going to give you some more in depth ideas and the tools and techniques of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy on how to shift your perspective with that.
[00:23:01] Alexander: Beautiful. Join us.
[00:23:04] Aaron: Welcome to the Complete Conversation. We are about to dive a little deeper into integrity and confidence.
[00:23:13] Alexander, I wanted to talk more first about the sensitivities that you mentioned. And I was trying to pull on my own experiences. And one of my things is like, I care about how people see me. And, in the past and still now, I'm still working on this, but I've cared a little too much. Like if somebody says something, if they say like, "Hey, I feel like you're being like this" and I'm actively trying not to be like that, but they're pointing it out that I'm, that, in their perspective, that they think I'm doing that thing. And I can't really think of something right at the top of my head, off the bat, but I can still feel myself like have a reaction. No, like I know I'm not doing that. I'm trying really hard to not do that. So I know I'm not, even though like I probably am on some energetic level, I'm doing that or that person wouldn't have sensed it.
[00:24:17] So that is just an example of being sensitive and maybe having confidence in myself that I'm doing- maybe I'm even in the transition of moving towards not doing whatever it was or not being that way. And my confidence has even clouded my complete grounded judgment of all the subtle energy that I could be giving off because I haven't worked through it on all five levels yet, and I'm still doing something on that level of whatever I'm trying not to do. And so that person is sensing that. And so, but I'm being offended because I'm trying really hard not to do that. And I want to believe that I'm no longer doing that. That's the thing. I think that's where belief comes in and you're like rose colored glasses of yourself because that self judgment is going to come in probably because I'm judging myself, which is the reason why I don't want to do it anymore. Right?
[00:25:19] Alexander: Yeah, I think this is a, you know, this is a big part of the subject of seeing that, let's just say, use the term hardheaded or or abrasive that, this person is telling you that you're being hardheaded and you won't listen to what I'm trying to say. And that is something that you've been aware of and you are working on it, again, the person that's focused on confidence and thinks that they have maybe fixed it, or they have- and that's what happens many times when people see that they need to change something in their lives, they take that as the fix. When the true understanding is you've got to go through a lot of hours of doing it differently. And in the holistic world, they say many people agree that it takes half as long to heal something as it does to create it.
[00:26:13] So see if you've been hardheaded or closed minded for 39 or 40 years of your life, and then you say, "Oh, I want to change that". Then the ego wants to go, "Oh, well, you're aware of it. So you've changed it". And then a person will go and they'll promote and go, "Oh, I used to be hardheaded. I used to be not as open minded as I am now".
[00:26:34] And maybe a week has passed. And so see, that's why that sensitivity is still there. So as soon as somebody says, "Oh, you're not being open minded". "Yes, I am!" The defense mechanism comes in to where the path of integrity is realizing. Oh, I have been closed minded the majority of my life and only looked at things the way that I've wanted to.
[00:26:58] Okay. I see that and I want to change that. Okay. Now I'm 40 years old, so I got to be willing that for the next 20 years, I'm going to be working on this. So now see that acceptance of 20 years is going to take me to balance this back out of consistent effort. That's where integrity comes in is that now when somebody say a month down the road points out, "well, I don't think you're being very open minded about this subject and the conversation again."
[00:27:28] Then you have the opportunity to rather than get defensive to say, "Thank you so much for pointing that out. I'm working really hard on that, but I've done it the majority of my life. So I really appreciate people keeping me on my toes because I do want to be better at that. And I may have 20 more years to work on this. So anytime that you feel that I'm not being open minded, I really appreciate you pointing it out to me."
[00:27:55] See, again, integrity is connected to acceptance and confidence is connected to resistance, or proving, or the battle, the fight to prove who's right and who's wrong. Another wonderful saying of the just philosophy is, would you rather be useful or be useful? Or would you rather be right? And see, confidence is connected to right and wrong. But integrity isn't. It's a process. And I think that's the biggest thing I want to get across to people is the difference between the acceptance and the integrity and knowing that it's a process over many years or a lengthy time. And confidence is very ego based. And, like I said, as soon as a person becomes aware of something, they can think that they have corrected it. And that happens a lot in spiritual societies and religious societies that again, the awareness takes the place of fixing the situation, so to say, and living in integrity, you accept that it's going to be a long process to work through actually changing this again. Gradual changes over long periods of time equals lasting results.
[00:29:09] Aaron: It seems like the, if you're acting out of confidence, you're almost afraid of failure. And so that keeps you from accepting that failure is part of the process. And so you're so afraid to even acknowledge that you fail sometimes. And so that's why when somebody brings it up, you get defensive because you're like, no, I'm not failing. I'm not failing. I'm doing, I'm working on, I'm working on it. And I do feel like the parts of my life that I've been able to change are the parts that I'm able to discuss openly about my failures, about my shortcomings, and just be able to be like, no, like I've, I, I've been there and I still am, you know, somewhat there, but I'm working in that direction. And so it's like a humbleness, where, where maybe confidence, it probably doesn't have, maybe it doesn't have room for humbleness. I'm not sure.
[00:30:08] Alexander: Yeah, this is, you know, I'm so glad you brought that up. Because I want to give an analogy here of like a basketball player shooting free throws. And when basketball players shoot free throws there's nobody guarding them. They can take all the time that they want or need. And most people have a little process that they go through, especially at a professional level.
[00:30:32] And so confidence would be around that you're out say on a playground or outside court somewhere and you challenge somebody to shoot 10 free throws and to make 10 free throws in a row. And if you just say that out loud, who can do this? The confident people are going to be like, I can, I can, I can, I can. The people are person that is living in integrity, when they're asked that question, they do have a more humble way of, well, I'm pretty consistent. I practice free throws every day of my life. I have shot 10 in a row, many, many times. So let's see, maybe I can. And, see, there is an, again, an acceptance there. That there's nothing here to prove. But see, there's not a nervousness that might come up, because the person living in integrity has done this over and over and over and over and over. Again, another pillar of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy is find the Divine Order in the chaos or everything's in Divine Order, whether I understand it or not.
[00:31:43] So see another value of the person that lives in integrity knows that all they've got to do is show up and do their best. And then everything else is in Divine Order. So if I make these 10 free throws, the person living in integrity is happy to do that. If they happen to miss one. They're going to be okay or more accepting of that than the person with the ego. And many times what follows the confident person is When as soon as they miss one, they might throw the ball, you know, completely out of the park, or kick it, or curse, or you know get upset. And that's what follows, reaction follows confidence, but as much reaction doesn't follow integrity, because again, it's an acceptance that it's a process. It's not something to prove to people necessarily. But if it is something that needs to be, you know, proven outside of a challenge, like, this is why say pilots, you know, they have to log a certain amount of flying hours before they get their license.
[00:32:53] So see, again, schooling many times helps people to give them the structure and the timeframe that they need to develop this integrity. And again, it takes time. Confidence can happen or lack of confidence can happen in a matter of seconds of how people think about themselves or a situation, but integrity is built over long periods of time.
[00:33:19] And, another analogy is if say you meet somebody that you went to high school with, and they happen to say, oh, you've put on a little bit of weight. See for many people, that's going to shatter their self confidence and it's going to make them go into some kind of judgment or defense or something like that. But if that person's living in integrity and they just recently started doing a workout regimen daily, then, they might have a different response of something more like, well, thank you for pointing that out. Cause I have put on a few pounds, but recently I started this new workout regimen and I've already lost 10 pounds. And so I'm really looking forward in six months where I'll be.
[00:34:03] And see again, this integrity language to me is inspiring. It's uplifting to where confidence language is off putting many times. When people talk about how good they are at something. And that shows that, that confidence, and you know, that's not always appealing to where again, someone living in integrity many times will carry a different level of humbleness, a different level of how they respond or the need to respond.
[00:34:36] So I would just want to ask all of our listeners out there to, when you are offended by somebody to just ask yourself what could you do to shift this subject or this situation into integrity? And now I think we're going to get into a little bit of what that actually looks like.
[00:34:59] Aaron: Yeah, well, I wanted to bring up, like you mentioned the way people talk, if they're in confidence that it's off putting. You can definitely tell by kind of what you're saying, how somebody talks, whether they're in confidence or in integrity. Like if they're believable, then they're going to be an integrity. If they are over inflating their ego, then they're going to be in confidence. And also knowing your value is something that I wrote down as part of integrity where you know your limits. You're comfortable with your limits. You're intimate with yourself and your limitations and you accept them because that's the only way that you can kind of move forward in that. It's the same way how we talk about the importance of knowing your energetic design. So again, like it's kind of the same thing.
[00:35:55] You know your limitations. You know how you're created. You know your strengths and weaknesses. And then once you know that, then you can put. direction, you can know which areas of yourself that you want to work on and then take action to do that. But if you're in resistance, if you're using confidence to help yourself feel better about your weaknesses, I guess that's a good point because I see that a lot our society now with. I don't know if I want to go in this. I don't want to offend anybody, but in our, we try to make people feel better about themselves. Like if they're severely overweight and I mean, if they look unhealthy, we're like telling people, don't worry about your health, just feel good about who you are. And I think what a better way is to support them in that is to help them understand where they are. And that they have choices.
[00:37:00] I mean, it's almost like there's this realistic point of view and there's this overinflated point of view where we were just trying to make people feel comfortable wherever they are, which is, you know, important to an extent, but you're also not accepting. Like that, that's not leading to any acceptance of the realism of, you know, the situation.
[00:37:21] Alexander: And again, this is a, a dance around ego or self confidence. And many times these people have good intentions. And yes, they want to help that person's self confidence by saying something nice rather than maybe something useful. Again, this gets back to that, can you be helpful here or are you going to offend?
[00:37:43] Any sensitivities like that if the person isn't asking for your input, then it's very, very unlikely that they're going to receive the input. So this is where it can help sometimes to reflect on yourself to maybe just say something like, well, I'm not the ideal weight that, that I'm looking to be I work every day not to let that bring me down. And these are the things that I do every day to work towards changing the situation. And I would be open and love to discuss with you any input that you may have, to almost invite the person in to, to give you input about you. See, that's a safer way to help somebody from that being nice perspective.
[00:38:39] Now, bringing that into the integrity line that you brought up a little bit earlier is knowing your limitations. So knowing your strengths, knowing your weaknesses, and then here's a big separation that most people don't get to now take your, your weaknesses and make two categories of weaknesses that you want to improve, and then weaknesses that you don't care to improve. And every weakness isn't here for us to improve. We do have to discern.
[00:39:15] So, there's certain things or certain skill sets that I'm happy to let somebody be better than me at because I'm not willing to put forth the effort to be better than them or as good as them. And see this gets into judging other people as well, because many times we judge somebody that is better, or a better weight, or better looking, it's a comparison thing. And see many people will keep that negative judgment going and they don't have any interest in getting better at that. Like maybe it's somebody looking at somebody else's body and saying, "Oh, they think they're all that cause they've got a nice body", you know? Well, obviously that's, that's a judgment. But see, as soon as the person realizes, but I'm not willing to work as hard as they do to have that body. So see, this is where I'm talking about learn to discern the things that you do want to get better at and the things that you don't. And the things that you don't then give that person credit. Just say, "Hey, you know what, I can admit I was a little jealous there, but I'm not going to put in the work that they put in every day. So you know what? Good job there". And you don't have to tell them personally, or you can, it's a great exercise.
[00:40:34] But see, the key here is that you're getting out of the judgment and you get out of the judgment by either seeing that they inspire you. And you go, "You know what, I'm going to work as hard as you do. And I'm going to get in shape that, that well of shape eventually", or "You know what, I'm a little jealous of you, but I'm not going to put in that much, as much effort you work out two hours a day. And I'm just not going to work out two hours a day. I might work out 15 to 20 minutes a day."
[00:41:01] So see, that's the importance of separating your weaknesses of what you really want to get better at and then weaknesses that you're going to go ahead and accept. And a big part of this is getting out of the judgment, which again is a spiritual level of this work. Because you're going to judge, to whatever level you judge externally, that's a direct sign of the level that you judge yourself internally.
[00:41:27] And all of this living in integrity and getting away from chasing confidence is to get out of that ego and the comparisons and all of those judgments that, that come with that. So I really hope that, that our listeners are getting the power of if anyone's heard, you know, stand your power, how do you standing your power, you standing your power by living in integrity. And when you live in that integrity, there's an acceptance that comes that's not involved with the ego and those types of things. And I think that that is very important of knowing your strengths, knowing your weaknesses, and then dividing the weaknesses into things you want to be better at and things you don't want to be better at. And the things that you don't want to be better at, when you see somebody that's good at that, hey, give them some credit. That's a wonderful, wonderful exercise around this subject that we're talking about.
[00:42:20] Aaron: Yeah. And, and one of the words we use very often is the word respect. And, you know, for some types of people, myself included, it's hard to be able to truly give respect to something until you've tried it. That's like, if you've never worked out and you find yourself being jealous to somebody who has a nice body and you would like to have a body like that. Go to the gym and see how far you can do it. Cause then, most people are going to see that, are going to learn the amount of effort and energy that it takes and discipline and perseverance that it takes to get that. And then you have a new found respect for that because- it's just you know you and I are not shy about not really liking Tom Brady, but we respect him because we can understand the amount of effort and discipline that he's gone above and beyond most other people who play his position to get to how good he is. So with that, it's like hats off. Most people are not willing to do that. Most other, I mean, now it seems like everybody, the longer we get in sports, the more refined people are getting and Tom Brady just created a mold for everybody now. But just getting back to that gym person, yeah, I see guys with huge muscles, like, of course it would be great if I had huge muscles or whatever, or at least half that, but again, like, I understand
[00:44:02] Alexander: investment of time.
[00:44:03] Aaron: The, yeah, the investment, that's a good word for that. And like you said, I'm not willing to put in that effort, but I am willing to, to keep myself in decent shape.
[00:44:13] I'm not just going to let myself go. So I have my bottom line. Of, and I don't know, maybe I guess the word, the term integrity comes in there where I know the line that I'm not willing to let myself slide down. And once I, if I wake up and I suddenly look in the mirror and I'm like, wow, Aaron, you've put on a few pounds. What are we going to do about that? And so if I have, if that line that I've drawn in my head, if I have integrity. I'm going to ramp that up a little bit to get back to in that zone of where I want to be.
[00:44:51] So, and then I, I feel like as we're transitioning into moving into, what steps can we take to transition from confidence to integrity, if you're finding yourself, after us explaining what kind of confidence looks like, if you're sitting there and you're like, man I kind of am operating on a more confidence than integrity. The first step, and you can correct me, is assessment. Kind of what we've talked about where it's like, okay. Assess yourself realistically where you are in all these areas that you're working on or that you want to be more confident in, and even like your strengths and weaknesses, because if you know something's a strength then you really don't need to pump yourself up there. It's probably more of the weaknesses, more of the areas that you want, that you wish to improve about yourself. That's where the confidence is going to be. Because if you're strong in something and you've compared yourself to other people and you're confident or you're, you know where you are and you're not trying to like work on being better than everybody, because I, the competition, I don't know if we brought in that word, but that is linked with confidence.
[00:46:06] If you're not trying to compete with other people, then you're probably in integrity versus confidence. So you're, it's, I would say it is more on maybe the weaknesses, right?
[00:46:14] Alexander: Yeah. Yeah. And again, I love the word assessment, but it's a fine line between assessment and self judgment. And the difference is in assessing, you're not wanting it at that time to be different. You're accepting it exactly the way that it is or the way that you are. And the other side is that you see that you want it to be different and you want it to be different right then. And that's where, how most people process and they go into judgment right away. And so that's a big key is first, yes, assessment. Is this a strength? Is this a weakness? Now, is this a weakness that I want to improve on? Oh, actually it is. Okay. Then we're going to go back to gradual changes over long periods of time equals lasting results.
[00:47:05] So now we'll take the body weight in just as the example that we're working with here. And so then, we want to set up a schedule and we want to bring in discipline and consistency of effort. That is the formula. Schedule, consistency of effort, and discipline. And so, in this, I know that, you and I dabbled with a workout plan a few months ago, and I told you that when I went through it, I couldn't hardly move the next day. You said something similar. I saw that I happened to be in the worst shape that I had been in physically, strength wise, in my, throughout my life. But now I've been doing it consistently for about three months and it's completely shifted and changed the way that I feel afterwards and that kind of thing.
[00:48:02] And so see, it's not just the three months, it's the consistency of effort. And the schedule is, I think it's very important that when we make a schedule of our day or our week, most people don't get it down to every hour. What am I doing? What am I, how am I spending my time? This is what I like to suggest to people then, and that I've done many times in the past. And this is what you mentioned that you were dabbling with. And Ryan, my son has been working with for quite a while and a few other people in our close net. And we're going to be bringing this out to public to help people with this scheduling very soon. But the schedule is to break down every day, the things that are important to you and the things that you want to work into your day.
[00:48:50] And you have to put in work there, and family time, and alone time, and production of developing things, whether it's meditation, or exercise, all these different things. And so the thing is that when you make a schedule, remember, once again, people can have resistance to these words of schedule, of discipline, a routine, all these types of things, but it's adjustable. So, so that's what like wows me is when people have resistance to it. As soon as I say schedule or discipline and they kind of cringe and I say but you direct the schedule in the discipline, and you can adjust it anytime that you want to.
[00:49:31] So the beauty of this is that once you create a schedule, now you know what you were leaving out of your day before the end of the day. And many people see, we'll do just a mental, Oh, I want to do this. And I want to do that. But then later on in the evening, there's something that just didn't get done, and it may be something that was most important to them. So that's why it's important to put it in a schedule and then to find time every day to put into that. Whether it's five minutes or three minutes or 30 minutes or whatever it is, however, it's important how to whatever degree is important to you, you will find a way to carve out time for that. And this is being very realistic of even putting in your meal times and your sleep time. And this is mainly just around your waking, awaken state.
[00:50:19] And, once again, part of the important part of the schedule is so that, you know when you're goofing off or when you get a an invitation from a friend or whatever, you know what you are giving up. And for some people, that discernment can be very useful because if they know that, hey, I was getting ready to work out, but a friend just called and wants me to go to music store with them, then I can still make that decision to go in that time, but then I go, okay, I got to get this 30 minutes of working it out later on this evening. So I've got to let something else go. And that's where the schedule is very useful. Is that you know what you're giving up when you make another choice. And then it helps as well. When some people, somebody just says, Hey, what are you doing Thursday afternoon around four o'clock? Oh, every Thursday at four, I'm doing my self study of the Human Design or the Destiny Cards or whatever.
[00:51:18] You know, once again, they might invite you during that time, but you know what you're giving up. And if it's important to you, you find another spot in that day for that. And you allow something else to be given up. So, I hope people are connecting with this because it's very, very useful over a long period of time.
[00:51:36] Aaron: So you are essentially knowing the cost up front rather than it being like in the clouds and you're not really sure, so you may just do something anyway and then find yourself having guilt. And I think that's what it is. It's like staying out of guilt because in my process, in my schedule prior to starting this, I would, you know, my job is so flexible, so I can realistically wake up late and start late and work until the night. But when I do that, or in the past, I found myself like, like a six to eight hour workday was taking like 10 to 12 hours and it doesn't make, it doesn't make any logical sense, but what was happening is. I'm taking like breaks throughout the day and that's fine if that's how I prefer to work. But, when I, when I break it down in my head and I really would rather work in one concise amount of time and then have all that time, all that free time together, so I can focus more on the things completely, and rather than throughout the day.
[00:52:47] So that was me seeing the value in having the structure and then, putting it putting it into place has been, you know, it's been a challenge, But, I'm not moving away from where I want to be. I'm just, I'm not judging myself. I'm just like, okay, well, here's where I want to be. Here's realistically the mark that I hit, you know, today or this week. And I just need to keep moving more towards my mark, because that's where I want to be. And I know that that is going to allow me the time, the energy, and the focus to do and get what I want to achieve in my life, all these things.
[00:53:32] And I would say that this is extremely helpful to somebody who's really creative or restless because we're the people who, if there's time, we're going to fill it with something. And I think what we're here to learn is to, as Alexander has helped me manage that restlessness, that creative energy that I feel the need to just put it in anything and just keep starting things, to manage that and be able to say no. And this schedule, this structure helps you say no, helps you have these boundaries, because you know what you want to do, what you're intending to do, what your intentions are, and whenever something little comes in, you know where all your time is set aside for, and just easier to have that boundary.
[00:54:22] Alexander: Yes. And again the listeners may be hearing this in a rigid way. And that's why I wanted to come in right now and say, this is completely custom designed, so you have so much freedom and there's freedom in scheduling. There's freedom in discipline because the freedom comes from how you feel about yourself for a consistent basis. And the self judgment and the guilt are two of the biggest exhausting negative emotions because it's more consistent than people realize.
[00:55:01] And see when we have a schedule, it can help us to stay disciplined that, okay, every morning between 7:30 and 8:00, I'm going to work out physically. And when you get up at say seven o'clock and one morning you really don't feel like working out, you start like, making deals with yourself of like, well, I can skip today. It was not a big deal. I'll pick it back up tomorrow. Those kinds of things. And it gives you an opportunity to say, no, no, let's, let's stay on the schedule because let's remember how you feel right after you do what you didn't want to do. And see, it's the exact opposite of self judgment. It's so fulfilling when we follow through with some type of structure and discipline. So fulfilling.
[00:55:54] And, this has been proven even with children that many times they'll want to go spend the night with a friend. And then when you get ready to take them, they don't want to go because they're scared or something, and we're talking about seven or eight year old here. But then the parent might push them a little bit to go, and they wind up going, and they have a great time and they come back and they talk about how great a time and, the parent optimally can share with them, "Well see you almost lost out on that great feeling by just doing what was easy, which was not go." And I want to be speaking to everyone's little boy and little girl in them to go ahead and accept that, hey, you're going to be faced with that on a regular basis. But see our free will gives us the right to stay in that structure and in that discipline to know how we're going to feel after we do it.
[00:56:51] One of my best feelings is right after working out, because it is, it has been a challenge, it's getting less and less of a challenge, for me to enjoy the actual working out. That's one reason I haven't been a big workout guy throughout my life. I've focused way more on the other four levels, the spiritual, and the energetic, and the emotional, and the mental. And but see I look at all five of those levels very equally and so they're very important for me to work in on a consistent basis, those five levels every single day.
[00:57:28] And this is just one way that we are choosing to discuss how we work through these five different levels and see a lot of the mental part of this is getting over or releasing that option to not follow your schedule. You know, and the spiritual side is of course, the faith and the trust and the nonjudgment and the gratitude. And you get all four of those things right after you do something that you're in resistance to. You build faith, you build trust that, hey, if I do this consistent enough over a long enough period of time, I will develop. That we're habitual creatures, so that's going to happen.
[00:58:08] And see, the non judgment isn't there because you're not negatively judging yourself because you didn't work out that day. So it really supports that spiritual level very strongly when you work to do what you want to resist. And, of course, energetically, that keeps your or it keeps your emotions at bay when you feel so called positively about yourself, which balances out your energetic level, which actually heals and helps your physical level to thrive rather than deteriorate.
[00:58:42] So again, I just want to make a big point of the rush that you get to working with structure, and discipline, and consistency of effort is a very huge healing bomb.
[00:58:57] Aaron: And so, what if somebody listening to this starts to create a structure and, you know, they're starting in their first week or first two weeks of doing it, and let's just say, for example, it is about working out and they do have one of those days where maybe they're really sore after doing it so many days in a row. And they're like, huh, I think I just need to have a rest day. And they decide to give themselves a break. And then, but after they have guilt come in and they're like, man, I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have let myself do that. I feel bad about it. Like what perspective should they bring in to alleviate the guilt?
[00:59:38] Cause guilt is not helpful in this instance. And would you also say that the guilt is coming in because maybe there was like this confidence that they maybe pumped themselves up and they were like, oh I can do this, and maybe it's some of that, or is it just like they let themselves down?
[00:59:55] Alexander: Yeah, I think many times it is disappointment and this is the free will that we were given. We can justify anything that we think. And, but see, the guilt lets us know that we weren't successful at the justification. And normally that's what follows it. Anytime we use justification, the truth is still revealed. And that's why that guilt can really come in.
[01:00:22] So my suggestion with this is say that, the workout regimen is say 80 to a hundred pushups, 80 to a hundred sit ups, all different types, some leg raises, different things like that. And then you feel like you want your body to rest. Then what I would suggest is then say you're doing it 20 minutes a day-
[01:00:46] And again, I want to suggest to start out at what you can do on a consistent basis of every day. So if that starting out, listen. Ten minutes working out is a great place to start. Five minutes of working out is a great place to start. But the key is is that discipline is easier to work with as you ease into it. So as you start with the five minutes, you know, you want it to, you want to get to the point where you want ten minutes? And then you do that until you want 15 minutes. This is the same with meditation, physical working out, anything. So that consistency of effort is so important.
[01:01:24] So getting back to, if you do feel like you need a down day then I would suggest to go, say you're working out for 20 minutes a day, then go for a 20 minute walk. And you're not doing the push ups, you're not doing the sit ups, you're not doing as rigorous, but you're still keeping your schedule, and you're doing something a little bit lighter. Or go swimming, maybe. Something like that. That still falls under physical movement, but it's not as intense as what you were doing.
[01:01:54] So that's, I think, a good way to stay away from that self judgment and the guilt, and you can still be realistic with yourself. But see, to me, that's not the same type of justification. You're actually in integrity to, I'm going to give my body a rest, but I'm still going to do something physical to fill up this 20 minutes. And that's how we're going to stay away from that guilt that wants to slip in.
[01:02:20] Aaron: Yeah, even P90X had a restorative yoga day. So I think that's, that's even a good option for those people who need to rest, is restorative yoga, just stretching your limbs out and it helps with the mental as well.
[01:02:39] In wrapping up this episode I hope that we, we had enough in here to help people begin a process. I'd love to do another episode on, if we have enough information on, creating a structure and maybe link it more into the people who are more in like the go, go, go environment. Very mental and masculine and, and all that. I feel like there's some thirst out there for some other perspectives there but in wrapping up, what's something that, I mean, obviously we gave a structure there, but if you want to give any more examples or perspectives that people can take with them and work on, if they want to start putting this into practice.
[01:03:23] Alexander: Well the first thing that I want to mention is making a list of things that are important to you or intentions that you want to shift. And for somebody that might be learning a musical instrument. So again, work that in your schedule to where anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes a day, you just sit and learn this to play this instrument, whether it's a guitar or flute or whatever it is.
[01:03:51] So the, that list. Is something that continues to grow. See again, just setting the intention of what will make me feel fulfilled while I'm here on this earth. And for some people, that's going to be letting go of certain traits, certain habits, things like that. For other people, it's going to be developing things, but that list is very important because you may make a list of say five things that you want to get better at.
[01:04:24] And then you start talking to friends and a few weeks later, you realize, Oh, something just came to me that has actually very important and more important than three of these other things. So see, the list can rotate, it can change, it can shift cause as soon as you set an intention to get clear on something, it doesn't always happen somewhat, I mean, instantly, instantaneously.
[01:04:50] So we need to give things room to, to grow. And that's part of what that list is. And so. Another list is to make a list of the things that you're good at, that you don't necessarily need practice at. And then a list of things that you're weak at or not as good at, and then dividing that list up into two of things that you do want to get better at and things that you're just going to work on acceptance in yourself.
[01:05:17] And again, I can't downplay. I mean, I can't, I don't want to downplay at all the power of that. Anytime that you can stay away from self judgment, self criticism, the emotion guilt, our energy is charging. And a lot of this is connected that people constantly disappoint themselves because A, many times they set the bar too high.
[01:05:39] I've heard many people try to start meditating and they try to sit for 30 minutes to start with or 20 minutes and you know, I like to suggest that's way too long to start, you know, just try to get two or three minutes or five minutes because again, many people will try to do too much, too fast, even working out, get very, very sore and then not want to work out for two or three days and then guess what?
[01:06:03] They're off schedule. They never even got on schedule and now they're just going to start beating themselves up again. So, so that mental list and actual physical list is something that I feel like can be very useful to people to, excuse me, for people to revisit quite often, and then. Make that part of your big discussions.
[01:06:25] Like people have asked me recently, like how to engage in conversations around this type of work. And this is a great way to begin conversations of, Hey, what are you working on to better yourself? And what are you working to let go of that you've brought from your family lineage And then be willing to share both of those answers first.
[01:06:45] And I think that's a great way to start you know, in depth useful conversations in social situations.
[01:06:54] Aaron: was there a number of items to put on that list of what would make you fulfilled in this life? Is there too many, too
[01:07:03] Alexander: And I would like to keep it pretty condensed to like, maybe no more than five. But the willingness for that to change or rotate is what I want to see. See, I don't want the list to just get too long or it just gets lost, but this is very important to keep track of, you know, what is most important to you in your life.
[01:07:24] And we have you know, a wonderful episode on the six priorities and we go into. Six main priorities, but this is getting into more detailed parts than that six priorities. That's a little bit more general, still very important, but this is very detailed. And then, like I said, if you're aware of the five things that you want to get better at daily, that's going to help you in that structure and that discipline to, to work on it.
[01:07:50] And the things that you don't want to get better at. It can help you with your judgment or comparison with other people to be able to give people credit where credits do when you're not willing to put forth the effort or the work that they did to, to be who they are. And again, this is a epidemic in our culture is comparing and judgment and those types of things that does nothing but tear the energy field down.
[01:08:15] Aaron: And how abstract should those things be? I feel like the three questions kind of overlap with it in a way. Like, again you know, part of the three questions for me was discovering that I love creating experiences for people. So could that be one of my five is creating experiences for people?
[01:08:39] And it it, that is so wide open that. I guess, on a daily basis, if I'm creating an experience for somebody that feeds me, so that could be one of my five, but it is so so
[01:08:53] abstract. so big.
[01:08:54] Alexander: I
[01:08:54] Aaron: it's,
[01:08:55] Alexander: it's
[01:08:55] Aaron: we keep them that
[01:08:56] Alexander: It's, fine to start out abstract and big, but the more concise and specific that you can get is where I think the real results are going to come from. So you getting really clear on, yes, I would like for to give people experiences like through food or through art or through education or whatever it is and then you know, so that's getting a little bit more precise and then you get.
[01:09:23] Even more precise of, okay, I want to fix this specific meal for a group of people. And I really want to experience them enjoying it that, that experience. And so I think that there's multiple levels of it. And I think this is just a good exercise to start abstract, then generalize it. And then specify it.
[01:09:45] And again, this is just a great exercise to help everybody to know themselves. And again, the three questions are, who are you, what are you passionate about, and how do you exemplify that passion,
[01:09:56] Aaron: All right. We appreciate you all tuning in to this complete conversation and supporting us. If you're watching us, you're probably on YouTube or Spotify and YouTube. Please like subscribe, comment that helps us get found more. And even Spotify has added some additional tools that I'm going to try to figure out how to use.
[01:10:19] They have, they have like little questions that we can ask people for every episode, take polls and also I think there's even a place for you guys to leave your comments now on each episode. So please share your thoughts with us. We love feedback from you all and, and that can also help us build future episodes. So we definitely appreciate that.
[01:10:40] Alexander: Much love, everyone.