We all experience trials and tribulations within our lives and we have a choice as to how we want to view them. We can take on a dualistic perspective and see them as a negative experience and that God, the Universe, or someone is against us or we can choose to view it through polarity and accept that challenges are a part of life and that they can server to teach us something when we are open to it. Victimhood strips our power away while looking for the lesson in our experiences gives us the power to maintain a neutral emotional state while also propelling our individual growth.
[00:00:21] Aaron: You are here because you are seeking a different path to live your life, and we are here to share some of the wisdom of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy. Here with me is Alexander. I am Aaron.
[00:00:32] Alexander: Hello everyone. Welcome, welcome.
[00:00:35] Aaron: Today we're gonna be talking about lessons and how to identify what the lesson is in a certain experience that you're having right now in your life and maybe how we can navigate through these lessons and start learning so we don't have to repeat them. Because that's a major thing in life. We see people repeating lessons and it's so easy for us to identify our friends and family who are repeating lessons. But I think it's, for some people or most people, it's harder for us to identify our own lessons, that we may be repeating in our lives.
[00:01:05] Alexander: Yes. And many people, if they will look throughout their lives, are caught in certain loops and certain patterns of types of people coming to their lives, certain types of altercations. And you know, I've proven in my time since I've been focusing on looking at everything that I'm experiencing in my life from a more conscious view, or I just call it a willingness to learn. It led me to this part of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy of what we're gonna discuss today about the choice between judging something, a person or a situation, or learning from it. And I don't see it very often happen to where you're able to do both of those things simultaneously. And here we enter into the second pillar of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy, which is polarity versus duality.
[00:02:01] Aaron: Yes. Because, part of our initial reaction when something happens in our lives that is against our preference is victimhood. We initially feel like we are being oppressed, or a victim of some circumstance, a person is making us feel or have to change or redirect what we're doing in our lives. And we're here to say that that's not helpful in this whole process.
[00:02:29] Alexander: Yes, and this connects into our first pillar of Find the Divine Order in the Chaos, or the way that I like to phrase it for myself is Everything's in Divine Order, whether I understand it or not. And when you stop running from these awkward situations or endings, sometimes it's relationships, sometimes it's jobs. Sometimes people will complain about their job for months or years, and then they'll get laid off and then all of a sudden they're like, "Oh, why did this happen to me?" And they don't see the energy buildup they've been doing for so long when that could be life just nudging them to say, "Hey, you've had plenty of time to make an adjustment, and now we're gonna make this adjustment for you". And so it's not happening to the person, it's happening for the person. But, that is a big perception shift, and that's what we're really going to get deep into.
[00:03:29] Aaron: And you brought up the term judgment, and I really like how you've defined that in the past, which is when you feel like something should be different than what it is. I keep that in the back of my mind, because for me that's the most clear way that I could determine whether I'm judging something or not.
[00:03:45] Alexander: Yes. Because it's one of those words that has so many different meanings, very similar to love. And it was important for me to always simplify something as much as possible, and it helps me to be able to break those patterns. So when I was able to realize that that's all a judgment was, is that I think this person, place, or thing should be different than it is. And sometimes people see judgment as just when you say, "Oh, they're a bad person because of what they did." They have what I call an exaggerated view of what judgment is. So they miss all these underlying judgments that happen continuously through a person's day. And it's really just part of certain people's personalities. It's not anyone's fault. It's things that our culture and our families nurtured and created into us because they didn't understand, what we're working to point out on this J.U.S.T. Philosophy, that we actually have more options than we realize and that our emotions are actually an option. They don't have to be just a reaction.
[00:04:51] And again here I want to highlight that most emotions are trained through the early stages of zero to seven years old. Whatever the environment is when the child's growing up, they learn to react in certain ways. And self-development, of course, and the J.U.S.T. Philosophy helps with breaking these family lineage patterns and seeing that it's an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to shift your vibration. And, that's what we just really love talking about. I think we're up to around 130 or so episodes now over a six year span. And you and I enjoy talking about it and we enjoy hearing from our listeners as well.
[00:05:32] Aaron: And the thing about judgment is that we are creating a resistance in our mind that doesn't actually exist and that's why we want to stay out of judgment because it does start that leaking of energy because we begin to be in resistance of something in our lives, and it's usually it's something that we don't have control over.
[00:05:49] Alexander: Yes. And here we can break it down as simple as, if you can picture that judgment is a giving away of energy. And when you shift to wanting to learn from a person, place, or situation, that's a receiving energy. So see, it's a completely different type of "input-output" of your energy field. And again, the more a person learns to focus on things in the energetic field, it doesn't always have to be created in the physical. And that's where I like to say that the lesson can be gotten on any five of the levels. The Physical, Mental, Emotional, Energetic, or Spiritual -slash- Religious. And wherever you get that lesson, it doesn't necessarily have to continue to go through all those levels and be completed in the so-called physical. And we even mentioned and talked about a little experience you've had recently around that, right?.
[00:06:46] Aaron: Yes, I did Alexander, and this was something we talked about earlier this morning because it was an experience that I had around creating our new business cards. And that kind of spurred what this conversation and topic is for this episode, and I'm gonna go into sharing more of that in the complete version.
[00:07:04] I did like the way you described the feeling or the energy flow of you giving away energy and then when you're learning from a situation, you're gaining energy because when I've done that consciously, that is what it actually feels like. Like, I get fed by learning and using a situation as my teacher versus in judgment, you just feel sludgy and I feel gross when I'm in that energy. And some people get addicted to that energy or they get stuck. They don't know how to get out of it or maybe they don't even know that there's another way.
[00:07:36] Alexander: Yeah. And this is why some people attempt to use positive affirmations to shift their energy. And I'm not going to say that that doesn't work for some people, but it didn't work for me. So the way that I saw to truly shift the energy was to stop the outflow of energy and create more of the inflow of energy. And so as soon as I can see someone as my teacher, rather than a person that's attacking me and I need to defend and I need to fight back, I just see, "Oh, you're giving me an opportunity to love you even though you're being hateful toward me. And see, that strengthens a person to be able to hold that vibration when an opposite vibration is coming towards them. And that does literally shift the vibration. Because see, this isn't just a thought, it's a whole shift on all five of those levels. When you really get it and you see that, "Okay, maybe this person's just set in their ways and I'm bringing a new way of looking at something, and they have resistance to that". See, that doesn't have to be that person's fault. There's opportunities to learn " Oh, maybe I could have introduced it differently," or "Yes, maybe my energy was a little too chaotic when I was talking about it". See, that is accepting responsibility and that's pillar number four, Emotional Accountability and Responsibility.
[00:09:01] And so, see, it's not that you're learning because you're doing something wrong. And we want to get away from that because many people that experience victimhood, they're stuck in the story that whatever they did was wrong. And we need to see that we can be corrected and not be rejected. Because correction is help. And many people get stuck in any kind of correction is a type of rejection, and so it activates these negative emotions from their past. And so this is a very, very powerful way to learn to stand in your power. Because again, you're not trying to push your opinion on somebody, you're actually letting go of the fight, letting go of the resistance, and choosing to see what you can gain out of a potential failure that you may have had.
[00:09:55] But see, again here, failure is not something negative. It's an opportunity to grow, is my definition of failure. So I don't have a problem saying, "Oh, I failed in how I introduce that topic, but this is what I just learned. I will introduce it this way next time". And so that keeps guilt, blame, either internal or external, away and I think that leads toward a more healthy way of life.
[00:10:20] Aaron: For people like me who are trying really hard to do this work and maybe too hard at times, we tend to start judging ourselves. So in this process, we learn a new way of doing things. I can even say when I first started doing this, I was able to eventually get out of victim mode or try to neutralize the situation by altering my perspective, talking through the event. And then when I would try to take responsibility, I would almost overtake responsibility and get into self-judgment. [Mm-hmm] And what you just talked about was the first time I ever associated self-judgment with still being a victim. [Yes] Because I never thought of it that way and I would always just be like, "Okay, Aaron, you're just being too hard on yourself". For some people out there it may have just been always known that way, but for me, now that I know, it's gonna be a lot easier to then get myself out of self-judgment. Because I'll just be like, "Aaron, why are you in victim mode still?" and just talk myself through that.
[00:11:18] Alexander: Yeah. And another point here that I think is helpful is that anytime the thought of would've, could've, or should've shows up, "Oh, I should've done this or I could've done this," then stop that train of thought and redirect it in towards, "Well, from this point on, if anything similar ever happens again, I'll do this different, this different, this different, and this different". And see that is a more empowering way to utilize that energy. Because again, you're learning from the situation, you're seeing what you can adjust next time, and it's not about what you should have done this time. It's about what you will do next time. And I'm so glad that this part of this subject got brought up because I think it's extremely prevalent out there in the world, especially in people that are starting or at certain levels of their self progression journey and guilt and shame are two of the biggest wastes of energy that there is because it's almost constant. People can hyper focus on it and it just drains energy so fast.
[00:12:26] Aaron: Would you say that victimhood and being in judgment are one and the same?
[00:12:32] Alexander: I think they carry a very similar vibration. But as you said, most judgment is external except for self-judgment, and that is a type of victimhood and even external judgment is a type of victimhood. So that's why, in saying that, just realizing that you have a choice in this and the choice is to see everyone or every situation as a teacher, and the judgment just starts to go away organically. And I know so many people that work so hard to not be judgmental, but they're trying to just stop judging when they really don't even have much of an idea of just how judgemental they are, of how subtle, like, if you want any person or any situation to be different than the way that it is, then you're judging it. And so that person will torture themselves almost to death over long periods of time trying to be a better person. And again, that's a shame cause it's an exhaust of energy.
[00:13:41] Aaron: And with victimhood I feel as if people go to that because they feel powerless in a situation. So, I guess the only way they feel like they can take power in that is to feel like their feelings in a situation are not their fault. And so to some people, they feel like that's where they're getting their power from. But we're turning the table over and saying, "No, the way you gain power from a situation is by losing that victimhood,--
[00:14:13] Alexander: Yeah. Taking the responsibility.
[00:14:14] Aaron: --losing the judgement, taking responsibility". [Yeah.] Because your life is yours and your reactions and perspectives are really the only thing that you can have control over in the situation. You can't control what your neighbor does, what your child does, what happens at your child's school or your job. So we're just in it and everybody else around us is energy, but they're all playing roles. So if we look at it that way, the only way we have power, the only way we can have choice in a situation, is by moving out of that. And then [Mm-hmm.] tending to focus on, what the lesson is. And that's what this whole episode is about, is you can't get the lesson until you, you neutralize and get grounded and get out of that emotional reaction.
[00:14:56] Alexander: And one other thing I want to add here that we just haven't mentioned before we wrap up this segment is the term acceptance. And see, this is such a powerful term that is looked over a lot and the more of these podcasts you listen to, you just hear me say it over and over and over. Because again, acceptance doesn't equal condoning or approving of. It simply means that you stop wanting the person or situation to be different than it is or than they are, and you accept the person or situation for exactly what it is and you stop the resistance. As soon as you stop the resistance, you stop the energetic drain. And then when you shift that into pillar four of Emotional accountability and responsibility, when you shift into that level of responsibility-- because a lot of people have resistance to that word responsibility, but it's very empowering. The responsibility is there's something here for me to learn and my responsibility is to find out what that is. And therefore, I will see this person in the optimal light no matter how they are acting toward me.
[00:16:08] And I remember when I had a huge breakthrough when I first learned the meaning of namaste. And there's many different renditions of that, but basically to me it means "The God light in me recognizes and loves the God light in you". And I remember asking this gentleman one time, "I don't see how I'm supposed to love people that treat other people poorly or treat me poorly," and he said, "Have you ever heard of the word namaste?" and at the time I hadn't. And he explained that you look past the actions, past the personality and there's a common thread that we all carry as human beings. And when you can get past those two levels, you can still love that person even if you don't approve of their actions or their words. And that was mind blowing for me.
[00:17:02] And you know, I've just helped a client earlier in the week that's going through a really bad breakup, and I gave them permission to continue loving because it was like they were trying to decide that they had to quit loving this person and they were really struggling with it. And I said, "It's okay to love people from afar". Sometimes we love people and that's okay, but we're not meant to cohabitate or be in an intimate relationship at that time. It's just not the right timing. It doesn't mean that it might not work out sometime down the road. And I'm not saying you should hold on for that hope, but that possibility is always there. So highlighting that term acceptance, was very important.
[00:17:38] Aaron: I do also like the term namaste, and I feel like the more intimately we know ourselves and when we know our energetic design and what we're capable of, and we know like our downside and our high side, I feel like we automatically have more compassion and acceptance of other people. Because we know how we may do things that other people may seem wrong that we judge ourselves for doing it, but we had a reason to do it. People usually just don't do things for no reason. There's always a reason why in a perspective that we just don't understand because there's so many variables involved in that person's life that we just can't see.
[00:18:18] Alexander: Sure, sure. And that's why this philosophy focuses on just choosing to see everyone as role players, as you mentioned it earlier. And that also helps to move past the personal attack. Again, if you're out there in the world looking to be a student more than looking to be a judge.
[00:18:36] Aaron: And one of my favorite pillars, Alexander, whenever I find myself in judgment, is pillar one which is understanding Divine timing or Finding Divine Order in the chaos, and that just helps me to have more trust in my life. And we're going to share some experiences, both you and I in the complete version where some of that comes more into play and we can talk about willpower and trust, again, as we go through these experiences, including the business card story that we teased a little bit earlier.
[00:19:03] Alexander: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So we're going to actually break it down step-by-step in a full process of how to go through getting the lesson out of a confrontational situation.
[00:19:13] Aaron: And also how to first neutralize yourself in that situation, which is the most important part.
[00:19:18] Alexander: Yes.
[00:19:19] Aaron: All right. We'll see you over there.
[00:19:22] We are here in the complete conversation, and I want to thank you guys for supporting us in this work and for helping us to continue to do this.
[00:19:30] Alexander: Yeah, it's always a joy to be in the Wise Whys studio. I'm thankful for Aaron's participation and for all of you listeners. It's food for my soul.
[00:19:40] Aaron: All right, so we talked about how we were going to give you a step by step on going from when you encounter a situation where you feel like you're a victim or you're having an emotional reaction, all the way to figuring out what the lesson is for you, and then the steps after that to eventually utilize that information to take your power back and redirect that energy into something more useful. So I think the first thing that I would bring in here, Alexander, is the tool that we discuss often, which is the Three Rs.
[00:20:12] Alexander: Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, recognizing the person, place, or situation. Then finding a way to respect it. And then redirecting it. And this is the most simplistic way to group what we're about to break down kind of step-by-step. And in that very first step of recognizing, it's being willing to admit to yourself that you are in an emotional reaction. And the very first thing to do when you do recognize that you're being emotional is not to judge yourself but to go into a pause. In many episodes, I've talked about the practicing of the pause. If you get a text or you get a phone call, pause before you look to see who that is. If you're getting up to go get something to drink, pause and be present before you go do that. If you're in a conversation with someone and they ask you a question, consciously pause and then give the answer.
[00:21:08] Because practicing that pause exercise day in and day out, in every situation you're doing, is what helps you to be automatic with it when a situation arises. And in that pause, it keeps you from reacting and gives you the opportunity to respond. And in that response you're going to make a better decision in carrying out the way that this conversation or this situation is going to go down.
[00:21:36] And so, practicing that pause, normally you will pick your second or third option. Understand that most of our first options is what we grew up with. Whoever the authoritarian was in our household basically programmed us in the way that most people just react to a situation, especially if it's aggression or aggressive or frictional. And so in that pause, we can choose rather than if somebody comes and they yell at you, the reaction is to yell back. And that's what most people will do. Or if you are able to grab that pause and then realize that you want to communicate rather than argue, then you're more presented and more at a natural state of vibration to say something in a way that is more likely to be received.
[00:22:31] And so a big part of that second R of we've recognized it, we've paused, we've chosen a different route than our first idea, and now we want to get into the respect part. And the respect part means not judging the emotional reaction as wrong or bad, but accepting it because it's a part of you. Really, it's like some people call it the inner child. And we want to soothe that inner child. And that's what the acceptance is. Hey, it's okay that you got a little engry or upset when that person yelled at you, but good job on not reacting and yelling back. Because we want to still be accepting. We don't know what this person's gone through in their day. We don't know what's behind this, blah, blah, blah, and I want to learn something and grow from this. Well see, as soon as you
[00:23:24] get to that point, you have reached the respect level. And now we're getting ready to enter into the redirect part. But is there anything that you want to add or question me about those first two Rs first?
[00:23:39] Aaron: I think when we start to do this work and we're practicing it-- and we call it a practice because you have to practice it to get good at it and somebody just starting out can't be expected or they can't hold judgment on themselves, that they're gonna be able to do it perfectly. Because even I don't and I've been doing it for seven years.
[00:23:57] Alexander: Years, yeah, years and years. And I'm so glad that you just mentioned seven years because this is a lifetime practice. And of course the longer you practice it, just the better you get at it. It's not a goal that you're looking to attain to reach a level to where you're not emotionally affected anymore. That isn't the goal I'm trying to direct people toward.
[00:24:16] Aaron: Yeah. So you have to start somewhere. So you start by trying to pause and then eventually you program in your head when to catch yourself. And so I have like this maybe it's a little Alexander [Mm-hmm.], but a little voice in my head that can detect when I'm having an emotional reaction. And sometimes I don't listen and it just keeps getting louder and louder and louder. And maybe I'm just tired or I'm hungry or I'm just in a mood where I just want to take a fit, because I'm not optimally ready to face these types of things. And so there can be times when I will just ignore that and I'll know that I should not be doing what I'm doing when I'm doing it. And, I start to watch and observe myself doing it. And then there's like another voice that's like, "Oh man, you're doing it," like, it's like the , the devil and the angel on my shoulders just watching me go. And I'm also observing myself. And, I bring this up because I wanted to talk about-- it's discipline that's going help this become a practice in your life. You have to do it once and then the next time, if you fail, that's okay, but there's always the next time to practice it and the next time. And so you have to want to do this in order to do it because I think the majority of us have been trained to do the opposite and just react. We're talking about if you want to have the power to have the choice in your life on how to respond to something in your life, whatever that is, then this is a necessity.
[00:25:36] Alexander: Yes. And I'm so glad that you brought up that in the first R of "recognizing", because this is very, very important. That yes, most people that get into this type of work, they're too hard on themselves, and I certainly was. But in that recognizing, we need to go through a phase of just watching ourselves observing ourselves, almost like a third party. Like you're sitting in the stadium and you're going through these emotions. You are having emotional reactions, but you're just observing it and going, "Wow, that sounds just like my dad," or "That sounds just like my mom", or "just like my sibling." And see, again, that's not a judgment, that's an assessment. That's starting to put this together of, "Wow, I've really been trained this reaction and I don't like it".
[00:26:24] So in shifting from that, you do go through some judgment of wanting to be different than you are. But see, that doesn't necessarily mean negative judgment. That means incentive to, as you were saying, you've gotta practice this stuff hundreds or thousands of times. So again, you can't have a "fix-it" attitude. It's a progression and it's just like working out. And if you want to have a certain body type then you're going to do that consistently, more than likely for the rest of your life, rather than just doing it for a little while and stopping and expecting the body to stay the same that it is.
[00:27:01] Aaron: And we've talked about before that so often people skip the respect phase, and that is very crucial here because we cannot get all of the information out of the situation, or we cannot really truly know the lesson unless we reach that neutrality.
[00:27:20] Alexander: Yes. And again, here we're gonna talk about acceptance does not mean condoning or approving of the person or the situation or the way they're acting, but it does come from a perspective of that you cannot see something clearly if you're angry. You can't see something clearly that you're experiencing in your life if you're sad. What most people don't recognize is that you don't see things clearly when you're excited either. So it's not just that the negative emotions keep you in emotional goggles, but so can so-called positive emotions. So the point again, isn't to judge the emotions. We're emotional beings. We're going to go through these emotional experiences. These are techniques of how long you stay in those emotional situations. And see for it to be activated, and then you get to a point where within seconds you can calm that emotion down by this process that we're talking about. See, you don't have to judge that, "Oh, I shouldn't have had that moment of anger come up". No, you don't need to do that. Just recognize that, "Oh, it popped up, but I was able to catch it," and then eventually it won't even need to pop up. But that's the part that we gotta quit judging ourselves and putting so much pressure. And in that second R of showing it respect is to get to that place of neutrality and acceptance before redirecting it.
[00:28:46] Because see, a lot of people, they're stuck in the patterns of recognizing they need to change that, and then they just try to change it. Again, through positive affirmations or something drastic. But see, they're carrying the same energy into the change and that's almost always going to pull you back to the same pattern. That's why acceptance is so powerful and neutrality is so powerful. Because it actually shifts the vibration before you redirect it in another direction.
[00:29:17] Aaron: And feel free to add more in here, but if we're trying to detect whether we're neutral or not, we would, or I would tap into, "Do I still have a preference here on how this should have turned out", right?
[00:29:29] Alexander: Yes. Yes. That's a good check in, and some people's bodies hold certain sensations. Like for me it's the top of my abdomen like tightens up when any kind of emotional reaction or in any kind of resistance. So I'm constantly checking into my gut or my abdomen area to know where I'm at emotionally over my head. Because again, the emotions are created. The judge sits in the mind center, which judges whether something's right or wrong or good or bad. And then when we see it as bad, then the emotions get activated, it drains the energetic field, which then makes the physical body more susceptible to injury or illness in the area of the energy field.
[00:30:13] Aaron: And I don't wanna overstate this as being a quick process. How long would you say that it could take to go through this whole Three R process?
[00:30:20] Alexander: Well, I mean, I share very openly that I'm in ongoing over 26 years at this and some people from time to time will say, "Well, it seems like nothing phases you," and I correct them very quickly and I say, "No, that's not the case at all". It's just that that my intention is to carry a very high vibration, especially when I'm around others, but I accept due to the law of polarity that I'm going to experience challenges just like everyone else. And so again, it's not about avoiding situation from happening, it's how quickly can you get out of that so-called negative vibration and shift it into something useful, which is where the power is in the student. And when the student is just hungry to learn, no matter the situation, then they're going to be able to calm that emotional situation down much quicker. And we are habitual creatures. One of the facts that, resonates through most of humanity is the more you practice anything through repetition, the better you get at it.
[00:31:26] So that's why I tell most people don't give yourself a timeframe. Don't think about it as days or weeks or months. It's going to be years. And the truth is that you're always going to be working at it because life is so entertaining in a way that it'll test you when you think that you've gotten over something so big and you might even pat yourself on the back. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't do that from time to time, but life will humble you. It might wait seven or 10 years, but many times it will bring back an old lesson and it'll pop up in your face. And again, hopefully you're more better prepared and it will affect you less.
[00:32:04] Aaron: Yeah, I remember when I got a little not humble in my practice and I had like something that I thought I was over and then it came right back in. Yes. Uh, so that's funny that you mentioned that.
[00:32:15] But, so just from a timeframe for like one experience like this where somebody's working through, of course, every situation is different and the variables are different, but somebody starting out should not expect to do it in a day.
[00:32:27] Alexander: No, no. I mean to get to that level of neutrality or acceptance, yeah that could take days to truly get to the point to where you can accept and not need that person or that situation to be different than it was. And of course, yeah, the more challenging it is, like when you get around things like illness or death or possessions being taken away, things like that, high levels of loss, it can take longer. But the key is, is working on every situation wherever you see that there is resistance and then giving yourself a realistic timeframe. But, going back to those Three Rs, not looking to change your action until you have been able to get to that position of neutrality. Up to that point, it's just observation and learning not to judge yourself for experiencing some of these emotions. And then seeing how quickly you stop judging yourself, that the emotions can actually move through much faster. Because soon as that self-judgment comes in, it clamps down on the energetic field from things being able to flow. And of course that's what prolongs people from getting the lesson.
[00:33:33] But remember that time is our friend. Normally, the more time that goes by, the more we're able to reflect back and see it from a less attached view and see what it had to offer. And I share this story with most all of my clients, the fact of my wife Sherri passing 15 years ago. And how I'm able to see now of how that experience, my most traumatic experience in my life, is also my most gifted experience in my life. And it's given me so many lessons. Humbled me, broke me, rose me out of the ashes. And so, that's normally the option that is there. That your biggest tragedies, your biggest traumas can bring you the biggest bounty of knowledge, of growth. And the very first step in that is learning not to judge, not to be in the victimhood, not to wish that it didn't happen. Because when we do get an acceptance of it, we can grow from it so much.
[00:34:39] Aaron: Yeah. And it's important to understand that that's how we gain wisdom is through growing, is through having experiences, is through failure, you can even say. But I don't think we got to break down the entire redirect phase if we just want to go more into that. Because I feel like what you just gave us now is almost like the gift at the end is looking back and seeing how that brought you to where you are today, and made you the person that you are today, when you look back on something that was very challenging.
[00:35:05] Alexander: Yeah. So, just in a hypothetical, if you felt like somebody has belittled you in a conversation and, but you were able to catch the emotion and you didn't react and you received it and you took your pause and you were able to see this as an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to learn something. So we were able to do the recognize and then the respect part. And then how to redirect that is more than likely either hours or days after the event happened, you should be able to congratulate yourself, once again, that you didn't react, you chose to respond. And in response sometimes that is no physical response, that just means that you didn't react. That's still a so-called positive response. And then in the redirect is that moving forward from this point forward, like I said, this is where the would've should'ves or could'ves could come in as in that middle R, when you hadn't got to neutrality or acceptance yet. And that's part of shifting it. The would've could've should'ves into, "Well, from this point on". This is the redirect.
[00:36:11] When I catch somebody talking down to me, I'm going to realize that that's connected to my older brother in the way that he used to just berate me my whole life growing up. That I wasn't good enough, I wasn't gonna be good enough, that he was better than me and all of this. And then I start to see, say maybe this situation happened with someone that someone worked with and they've gotta see them day after day. Well, as soon as you make that recognition and you go, "Oh, this person's reminding me of how I used to feel with my brother", then the more you work on accepting that person, I've proven this hundreds of times, the more you get into acceptance, the less that they do that action to you. Because you're basically working on forgiveness of your brother that used to do that to you and this person's just playing a role.
[00:37:01] So see, you take away, in the redirect, you take away giving your energy away. Now you're standing in your power. This person isn't doing anything to you but providing an opportunity for you to do some forgiveness work with your brother in the past. And as that forgiveness work happens in that redirect, then your physical experience changes. Now, I'm not saying that that person will stop talking down to people, but they will stop talking down to you. And normally without knowing it, subconsciously, they will redirect their energy in another direction. Because again, remember the fact of physics is anything that's growing needs friction to help it to grow. So that's the key that if you want something to stop growing, you want to redirect it, then you stop feeding it the friction. And again, this is the power of acceptance and why it's so necessary before that redirect. Because many times people will redirect in an extreme and they'll just say, "Oh, well, I'm never talking to that person again". They have no idea how many opportunities to heal traumas from the past that they're missing out on. And now guess what? That role has to be recreated within their family, or within another job, or within their mate. And again, our mates are playing most of these roles. So believe me, the more opportunities you can take to learn out in the world at your workplace and in social situations, it can take a lot of strain off of your relationship.
[00:38:37] Aaron: And while that person that you were talking about was being almost over dramatic in their response to it, there is also the other side, which is like a detachment. And either one is not gaining you the wisdom to move past this lesson, right?
[00:38:52] Alexander: Yeah. That is the unfortunate payoff of reaction, is that normally nothing is gained, but many times things are made much worse. And, you know, we're all emotional, we all have these emotions. We manage them at different levels, and yet most people that have any level of seeming not emotionally reactive are carrying a certain level of detachment. And that's why in this work we're very big on managing the emotions, but keeping the connection to feeling very, very close. And I've said before that the highest level of love may be the only true feeling. And everything else we experience internally is an emotion. And that we have learned that during our time here.
[00:39:41] So this is why a lot of the great teachers talked about being in your heart, being in that love of vibration. This is what I feel like they were talking about. That you choose this vibration of love, and the way that you do that is you're going to have the experiences of these emotions, but children show us every day, especially from like three to maybe five or six years old, that they're very reactive. They can even get angry at each other. But then in five minutes, they're back, calm, holding hands, and loving on each other again.
[00:40:14] And see, we were supposed to learn to not hit. We were supposed to grow beyond like the physical part. But what we did is we held on to grudges and we held on to needing apologies, and like all of these things that keep us stuck in these patterns. When all you've gotta do is accept that that moment has moved on, and now I'm a wiser person because I see how I can handle that differently moving forward in my life. See, there's no looking back at the would've, should've or could'ves. It's always looking forward. And I love that vision of-- this isn't mine, but I still love it-- that when you are sitting in a car and you're looking out of the windshield, there's a reason that the windshield is a size that it is, and your rear view mirror is the size that it is. But see, the rear view mirror is important. We need to be able to glance into the past, but we don't wanna live there. That's why being present or being in the moment is by managing these emotions. And hopefully we've given a lot of information on how to go about that, and now it's just up to everyone to go work out on that Emotional level, just like you would work out on the Physical level.
[00:41:30] Aaron: So deriving the lesson from an experience happens in the redirect phase, right?
[00:41:36] Alexander: The lesson or the reason for this experience is typically in that redirect because the goal of respect is to get to that point of neutrality.
[00:41:47] Aaron: And is that something that you could share anything else around as to how to find the lesson in any given situation? Or is it something that would be inherent once you become neutral?
[00:42:01] Alexander: You know, really what I would suggest here is this really relies on your authenticity of truly wanting to be that student. Anyone that wants to be a student of medicine, they put in so many years and so many hours a day studying over and over and over. And that's the picture that I want to paint here. That that option is there, that level, but everybody's going to grow at their own pace and they have the right to do that. But you have the opportunity to utilize every situation, every connection with everybody, in a way to learn something. So it doesn't have to be something stressful, but this again, is where sitting in contemplation or meditation or stillness can be very useful. To go through an experience and then I like to suggest for people to go be still the best that you can and just ask, "What can I do better next time?" See again, it's about the future, not what should I have done. That can sound like simple changes of just verbiage, but it's a completely different vibration. And when you said in that earnestly, I feel very confident that you will receive something that you can alter. But see, don't look at that as, "Well, that's it. I got that and I'm done". No, there could be like all these different levels and multi lessons out of every type of situation. And then in your contemplation or meditation, more like contemplation, you know you can sit there and not rehash things of the past, but connect them to similar moments in the past and see how you reacted similarly and you got similar results. And that how now that you're shifting and going in a different direction with this redirect, that you seem to be getting different results.
[00:43:53] So again, that contemplation time of being in stillness and just connecting it to events in the past can be very useful. Not from a judgemental standpoint, but to recognize the patterns and see the consistencies, and to recognize that we do need to redirect in a different direction to get different results, but that step of getting neutral and stopping to judge the person or the situation or yourself is imperative.
[00:44:18] Aaron: And would you say that it would be beneficial if somebody brought in the pillars here in this situation and held their experience to the pillars to see where maybe they weren't in an alignment? And that could probably help them understand what they could do better?
[00:44:31] Alexander: Yeah. Excellent point, because some people have a problem stilling themselves or stilling their mind. That's very understandable, especially in the beginning. Again, I've shared that it took me 10 years of consistent meditation before I really experienced what I feel to know meditation to this day. And in that stillness, this is what the Five Pillars are very useful for because you just go through them and we'll run through them right quick, that basically Everything's in Divine Order whether I understand it or not, so why am I wasting time wanting it to be different or energy wanting it to be different than it is?
[00:45:05] Then the second one is Polarity versus Duality. The difference between polarity and duality is that polarity is under acceptance and duality is under resistance. When you're in resistance to the way somebody or something is, you're caught in the world of duality. When you're in acceptance of the way that somebody or something is, you're accepting that it may not be the way that you prefer, but it has to exist because opposites have to exist on this plane.
[00:45:33] Then you go into Emotional Responsibility and Accountability. That my emotional reactions is a choice, and that here no one can make me mad. No one can make me sad. And we get into those phrases where we went, "This person did this and it made me so mad". The person didn't do it. You selected to be angry at that situation and seeing that you have that choice is very, very big.
[00:45:58] And then the one we've been harping on all day in this podcast especially, is Everyone in every situation can be your teacher if you choose it to be. And it will be your teacher to whatever level you truly, authentically want to be a student. And it keeps on giving.
[00:46:16] And then the last one is Everything is vibration, which simply breaks down to nothing is permanent, nothing is set in stone. Even stone is moving particles. So there is the option for change at every situation. The change of how you respond or how you react is part of that constant change that is there. It's a free will that we were given, and I like to tell people that I don't know that we have as much free will as we think that we do, but the one area that I do feel confident we truly have free will is in our perception. And the fact that we get to choose how we perceive any situation and that we can work with accepting that our perceptions have been trained through our family and through our culture. And that self-development work is about breaking that family lineage, breaking your cultural lineage, to be able to see things clearly and non-emotionally for yourself.
[00:47:15] Aaron: All right, so let's just dive into an experience that you've had, and we'll dissect it through all this so people can kind of see the process of how it would be with a given situation.
[00:47:24] Alexander: So yeah, about seven or so years ago, I was in a situation to where I was performing my sound journeys, which is my sound meditations, in two different locations here in the triad of North Carolina. And I was thinking that I was gonna get a third location and that weekly I was going to do gatherings at these three locations, kind of like the idea of a church setup. It would be a sound journey for an hour, sound meditation, and then we would talk about the philosophy for about an hour. And I'd done this very successfully at these two locations. And surprisingly, after about a year of it going really well and constantly growing, I got an email from one of the locations saying that they no longer were supporting my services and please to come by and pick up my equipment as soon as possible. And I saw clients at one of these locations as well. This really surprised me and it really felt like a kick in my stomach because I really felt that me and this business owner were friends. And we even played basketball weekly after our Sunday gatherings, so we had developed more than just a professional friendship. But when that happened, right away, that's where that victimization shows up and it says, "Hey, do you want me to jump in here?"
[00:48:48] And right away I wanted to make sure that I didn't react in a way to send them an email to ask for clarification, all this type of stuff. I just went into, "What is this bringing to me?" to learn from. And remember the first pillar of Everything's in Divine Order, whether I understand it or not. And so in that moment, I just was happy to be in the observation of the emotions that it did bring up. And I chose to stay in that second R of show respect by really observing all of the emotions that was coming through without judging myself.
[00:49:28] Then Thursday, I get a text before I'm supposed to have a class on that following Friday, at the second location, and they let me know that they're not going to support any more of my classes either. And I'd never gone through any kind of question in my business in my life. So I felt rejection. I felt judgment. I felt like I wasn't being able to speak my truth. Like, all of that rushed in. And then after the second one, that's when I took a breath, and that's the pause that I've been talking about, and then I said, "Okay, I lost two places this week. So rather than just looking for that third place and keeping my energy and my offerings in a very small area", I decided that, "Okay, next week I'm gonna get three places, and the following week I'm gonna get two more places." And that grew into, over time, about 40 or 45 different locations.
[00:50:18] And see, that whole process was me letting go of what I thought that it should be and trusting that everything's in Divine Order. So these doors closing is actually another opportunity opening up. But see, I had to put myself out there. I had to get up. I had to go chop my wood, carry my water. I had to go visit places, introduce myself to places, and these were all the things that I didn't want to do and why I wanted to keep it smaller in just three locations. So after I went through developing, I met many more people, many more diverse people, and it turned out to be a wonderful thing over the next few years. But see, that redirect of me going out to talk to other people and to get other locations, I wanted to make sure that I had reached that acceptance and that neutral place before the redirect of actually taking myself through willpower to go and make these connections, and following trust as well.
[00:51:18] So, that was kind of the process of that situation. And again, like most emotional situations, after you get far enough away from it, you can really see the benefit of the so-called tragedy or trauma and how it actually expands you. And that's what I could see many years later is that I was actually limiting myself. But that is how I utilize the Three Rs, kind of step by step, in going through that.
[00:51:45] Aaron: So how did you end up responding to those two businesses after hearing the news?
[00:51:51] Alexander: Well, I did reach out one time each to inquire, "Can I please have more information?" And I just didn't get any response for either one of them. And so again, here I went back into the trust of, if I'm supposed to know the details, I will know. But what I do know is that it is time for me to move on from these two locations.
[00:52:12] And later on, of course, I ran into the owner of the first location and he came in very, very friendly, like we always were. And see, I just slightly made an adjustment with that we're not necessarily a friendship, we're just associated. And it helped in managing that because I didn't want to hold any negative feelings toward him, and I don't, I feel very comfortable with that. But at the same time, I had to be clear my boundaries into what our connection really was about. And it wasn't necessarily around friendship, it was more around business and then just playing basketball with each other and thats fine.
[00:52:51] Aaron: Yeah. So you did a lot of work there and I think it got overlooked a little bit, like all the finite details of all that. But, that sounds like a lot of work because you did have to go from, "Oh, I thought we were boys," to understanding, "Oh, well this is his business". And maybe there's other people involved, like his girlfriend or his wife or other people, management, that may have played into that. And people are funny, they won't just come out and tell you because they're afraid of how you're gonna react. So they do it in an email.
[00:53:20] So there's so many things to take into consideration and there's so many opportunities that you could have gotten stuck on and felt like you had to make a stand, you had to put your foot down, nobody's gonna treat me this way. But instead, you chose to do the work and take it internal and figure out how that you had to adjust to the situation and how it could benefit you in the future by adjusting.
[00:53:42] Alexander: Yes. And it was so many lessons. I mean, I'd say probably, no less than 20 to 25 lessons in that one experience. So I was condensing it, because we've covered a lot of the step by step in the rest of the episode. But, it was challenging and it was my career being questioned, but nobody would be clear with me. And it wound up not being about me in either situation. For one, it was a business decision. And for another one, it was around some type of jealousy of a boyfriend of the owner or something like that. And see, I'm fine not to know those details and I want to implore to people out there that you don't always need those details. We get so caught up in why. And this is why we call the podcast the "Wise Whys", because we waste so much energy on wanting to know why something is happening in our life. Again, we're going to highlight that first pillar. If you are able to see everything in Divine Order, then that is the answer to why. And once you get used to that, you stop asking the external Whys and you just answer the internal and ask the internal Whys. And that's what this whole episode is about, is the internal Whys.
[00:54:56] Aaron: And the thing that we teased in the free version was how you could possibly go through a situation and not have to face the lesson at the end. Right? And how would you describe that in a more eloquent way?
[00:55:09] Alexander: Yeah. So, coming from the perception of those Five Levels that I mentioned earlier, the Physical, Mental, Emotional, Energetic, and Spiritual, and I've talked many times about the order of it is actually spiritual. It starts in the spiritual religious level as to where we doubt that something is the way that it's supposed to be. And then that goes into the mental, and that's where the judge sits. This is either good or bad, right or wrong. Soon as we choose so-called wrong, it activates the emotions. When the emotions get activated over a period of time, it drains the energetic field and then that energetic field, wherever that drainage is around the physical body, it makes that area of the physical body more susceptible to injury or illness.
[00:55:54] And so when we are going through healing, it can be seen as the physical is the most dense and the so-called spiritual is the least dense. So denseness sometimes can play a role in the amount of time that we need to spend in learning the so-called lesson. So in this situation that you're talking about, and that I think you're going to give a little bit more details, is that if you get the lesson on the energetic or the spiritual, you get it on the mental or you get it on the emotional, then it always doesn't need to follow through and show up in the physical for you to go through that part of the lesson. And this is the beauty of doing this type of work is that you can take care of altercations or situations in your life in these other four realms before it turns into the physical. And it takes less time, takes less effort. And that's the beauty of this work. And so now, yes, explain some more details of your experience.
[00:57:01] Aaron: Yeah, so Alexander and I have been working on getting new business cards created, designed and all of that, I guess it's been like almost nine months. Because this goes back to last summer when I was in the middle of getting my house ready to be sold. So it was a pretty chaotic time, but I was working on this new idea where we would have a QR code on our business card, so somebody could just scan it with their phone and we could redirect them to the website, to maybe even a web page that had different clips and samples to see if they resonate with it or not. And so, through that process, I created a QR code from an online company and pointed it to our website, and then it got lost in the shuffle. And Alexander and I revisited it in the fall and I perfected the design, and then recently I finally sent it to the printer. And then when we got the copies back about a week ago, I scanned it with my phone and it said that the QR code was deactivated.
[00:58:00] And I was like, "Oh man". Like instantly I knew that I did not proof it before sending it to the printer, which is something that you just don't do. You need to proof everything, all the copy, you know, make sure everything is good, or have somebody else look over it. And like with that being a piece of major functionality of the card, you'd think that I would've tested it, but I just assumed that I had tested it before in the past that it would just work.
[00:58:21] So I immediately went into fear. Like, "Oh, what did I do?" Failure. I did this without checking. Like, judgment of myself. [Judgment.] I definitely failed here. But then I was like, I wanted to shift my energy out of that fear. Because when I feel pressure, when I feel fear, I want to try to find a way to alleviate that. Whether it's bringing in a new perspective or giving an alternative way of, of doing something or taking action. And so I thought, "Okay, well what's the worst case scenario?" We spent $200 on these, so because it was my issue, I was in charge of that. Worst case, I would just have to get them re printed, right? So I went through that acceptance of, "Okay, it's just $200. The Divine has blessed me with this side vinyl business, so I'm making extra money on the side. So that could definitely cover that. So money isn't the issue.
[00:59:09] Alexander: But true, true acceptance here is, we can't fool ourselves and expect it to go into the energetic level. So that's very important is that I can feel the earnestness of your level of acceptance of I may have to pay this $200 cause this is my mistake. I think that was important to point out.
[00:59:27] Aaron: Yeah. And once getting to that, because money is a big deal. I'm a diamond. So once I accepted, "Oh, that's it", then it, allowed that to all alleviate. And then I even took it a step further and I looked at the card and I was like, "Well, the printing isn't perfect. I could make some color adjustments to make it better". So then I went into like, "This is an opportunity. I saw the card, how it was gonna be printed, and this is an opportunity to make it better if I have to get to that step".
[00:59:51] But then I took some time and I thought about, "Okay, well first, what are some steps that I could do to look into what happened with the QR code?" I knew I had a few different accounts and after logging in and seeing that I could not find the account that, that present QR code was in so that I could fix it, or change it, or reactivate it. I then tried to find a way to contact the company, just as like a hail Mary. I knew it was a long shot because I could not find any contact information anywhere. So I knew that they did not want to help people. But then I looked at previous emails from the different accounts and I found an email address and I was just like, okay this is my last ditch effort. I'm gonna explain to them the situation. Printed $200 worth of business cards and didn't check it, and if they could just help me figure out where the account is. And I let it go. And a couple days later, they came back and gave me enough information to figure out what I had done and I was able to log in, get that information, and reactivate the account and everything is good.
[01:00:53] So it was like a five day process maybe. But the most important part, like you pointed out, was for me, especially being a diamond, was to be okay with losing that money. And once I shifted that perspective and looked at it that way, and it's almost like, until I was able to talk myself through the cost, I was in like a resistance because I didn't, wasn't clear on the cost.
[01:01:19] Alexander: Right.
[01:01:19] Aaron: Because I had fear, I had failure, I had judgment. And then when I was just like, "Okay, well it was just $200 and I'm very fortunate to have that much money where I can not lose a lot in that and also own the responsibility of it. That was able to shift me into the neutrality and then taking a step further where I was like, "Okay, well how can I go a step further and make this better if I have to do that?
[01:01:45] Alexander: That too. Yeah.
[01:01:46] Aaron: So through all that, we're just saying that it --
[01:01:48] Alexander: The power of acceptance.
[01:01:49] Aaron: Yeah. And, and I don't wanna say that because I did all that then I didn't have to go through that because I was able to get back into the account. But just to your point that we don't have to go through that sometimes if we can learn the lesson and go through that, it can clear up a situation like that.
[01:02:07] Alexander: Yeah. And your willingness to give up that $200 and time to make some adjustments to them and that kind of thing. It relieves the friction and therefore the physical part is the actual paying of the $200 and having to have the item we recreated basically. And so I think this is just such a great story of I've experienced so many different experiences of just that, the power of acceptance. And it was that level of accepting, being willing to do what's necessary to correct it, taking on all that responsibility and then it wind up working out and us getting to keep the product we had. And you got the scanner bar corrected and so it's just a great story of that power of acceptance.
[01:02:56] Aaron: But you wouldn't say that if and when somebody goes through that, that doesn't necessarily guarantee that the outcome that they initially wanted is gonna happen?
[01:03:04] Alexander: No, but because what I want the person to be able to reflect on is their true authenticity of if they were really able to accept the responsibility, the full responsibility, because if it doesn't work out, that is what I have experienced to be the main issue. A big part of why we are here is to learn and to grow. And this fits in that dichotomy, so to say. And yes, there's no guarantees here, but if it doesn't work in that way, then really pay attention and go have an honest review of yourself of, "Was I actually able to get the true acceptance and accept full responsibility?" and the answer is probably that you weren't able to get as deeply as you thought that you were.
[01:03:48] Aaron: Yeah. Because either way, once I made that decision, I was fine either way. So it really didn't matter. I had already accepted it. But the whole point of this little section here at the end was to talk about how sometimes you may not have to pay the cost of the situation. And in this instance, I didn't have to because I learned the lesson. Right?
[01:04:06] Alexander: This is also shown in health and wellness, that when you work on things in the Spiritual, the Mental, the Emotional, and the Energetic level, it doesn't always have to turn into a health issue in the Physical. But if it is a health issue in the physical, if you work on these other four levels while you are helping the physical as well, it just expediates the healing. So that's how all of this is just so connected, these Five Levels.
[01:04:33] Aaron: Okay, Alexander. So putting this all together, wrapping this episode up in a nice bow. What can we give the people, for homework if they want to take some action on this topic?
[01:04:43] Alexander: To practice the Recognize, Respect, and Redirect. I suggest spending a long period of time with the first two Rs. To be able to recognize it and then work to get to that level of acceptance and true neutrality, acceptance of responsibility, before the redirect. And, that's enough homework for, like I've said, weeks, months, possibly years. But when you're able to connect those Three Rs of recognizing the person or the situation and how it's affecting you. Then you get to a point of stopping the judgment and the emotional reaction, get into acceptance. And then you redirect it in a way, the redirection is connected to the lesson, being the student, wanting to learn more than wanting to judge. That's the key. And then that new direction will give you different results.
[01:05:37] Aaron: And I'll just say if you're new and starting out, you're gonna trick yourself. You're gonna fool yourself a lot with thinking you're non-emotional or you've overcome the emotion of a situation and then you'll find out that you won't be. [Yes.] But, but when, you know, I feel like, you know. Your energy is different. It's almost like it was never an emotional situation.
[01:05:55] Alexander: Yeah. And once you know, it's not that you're not going to go through periods of unknowing. So that's the thing is again, this isn't an accomplishment. It's something that once you experience, finally experience and go, "Whoa, I want more of that". And that just means being present and choosing to practice that pause so that you go toward response rather than reaction.
[01:06:18] Aaron: Well, thank you guys. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to share this all with you. We appreciate your support.
[01:06:24] Alexander: Much love.