Inward Journey Ep 13: Business Luncheon

[00:00:21] Storyteller: Wise Whys - Inward Journey

[00:00:31] Episode 13 - Business Luncheon

[00:00:34] Early Thursday evening around 5:00pm, as dusk began to settle in due to the recent time shift from daylight savings time, Haven was wrapping up a busy day working on location in beautiful downtown Asheville, NC.

[00:00:48] Leaving the new video location, Haven recognizing the nip in the air, threw on her jacket and scarf, and spontaneously decided to grab dinner at Rio’s favorite local spot as a surprise.

[00:01:00] The atmosphere downtown was pretty busy yet comforting for Haven. The streets were full of music, laughing, and chatter. The vegetarian restaurant she headed to was very well known for their kabobs and stuffed peppers which was always Rio’s choice in the recent past.

[00:01:17] After arriving at the restaurant, inside the smells were spicy, pungent and stimulating with African music playing a little too loud in the background.

[00:01:28] After placing the to go order and being informed it would be an approximate wait of 30 minutes, Haven stepped back outside to get some air and to soak in the environment before the drive home.

[00:01:40] Looking at all the sights, Haven glanced around and it noticed that Stan, Stevie’s husband, seemed to be sitting outside at another restaurant across the street. Across from him appeared to be a professional looking lady having, what seemed to be dinner and drinks.

[00:01:57] At first Haven had an urge to say hi, however paused, and quickly considered, is this any of my business? Maybe I should just get my food and go home.

[00:02:08] Finally, Stan looked up and he and Haven locked eyes. Waving, Haven yelled “Stan, is that you? Hello, it’s Haven from next door.”

[00:02:18] After letting a couple cars pass by, Haven dashed across the street making her way over to them.

[00:02:25] “Hi Stan.” Haven said again as she got closer, “How are you? I’m just waiting for a to-go order across the street.”

[00:02:34] Stan suddenly stood up quickly, hitting his knee on the table, spilling his drink. “Sorry, sorry!”, looking at them both.

[00:02:43] “Hi, Haven! Nice to see you. What a surprise. What are you doing in this neck of the woods? Oh, by the way, this is Rita Jones, my project manager at my new job here in Asheville. We were just discussing some potential work related issues over dinner.”

[00:02:59] “Nice to meet you Rita. I am Haven, Stan’s new neighbor. I hope I am not interrupting.”

[00:03:06] Rita replied, “Not at all! That’s enough business talk anyway. Very nice to meet you. Looks like we’re both just getting to know Stan the man and his many talents.” as she hoisted her glass of wine in the air.

[00:03:21] Stan immediately grabbed a napkin, cleaned up his spill and sat back down, fumbling a little while getting situated.

[00:03:28] Stan then insisted, “Please join us for a drink Haven, I need another one anyway.”

[00:03:35] “Oh okay, maybe just one.” Haven replied, “I’ve got a little time to kill.”

[00:03:40] Stan grabbed another chair and Haven sat down. Stan motioned to the waitress, “Three beers please.”

[00:03:49] Rita directed to Haven, “Girl, you look beautiful, strong, original, and professional. Making a statement, I LOVE it.. Where are you coming from?”

[00:03:59] As Stan was sitting back down, Haven answered, “Well, actually, I’m checking out a location for a possible video shoot in a few weeks. My company is also looking for everyday, attractive, down to earth people as fill-ins and/or main characters. So I’m scouting for them as well.”

[00:04:19] WIthout hesitation, Rita suggested, “Stan! You should be in the video. Haven, you should cast Stan in your shoot. Stan, you’re a good looking man with that every-day rugged, take action kinda look. You know what I mean, Haven, kinda like that Marlboro cigarette man of the 70’s or 80’s.”

[00:04:37] All three laughed out loud in unison. Stan then rebutted, “Well, I don't know about all of that but I appreciate the shot of confidence, I thought the Marlboro Man was pretty cool back in the day. “

[00:04:49] ”Your new name is Marlboro from now on,” Rita said with a light hearted tone. She then continued, “Well, I tell you what Haven, I hope all the contractors on this new job aren't as hot as our boy Marlboro here or I won’t get any work done.”

[00:05:05] Stan’s face blushed a light reddish hue as he mumbled, ”Stop, stop, change the subject please..”

[00:05:12] Haven cleared her throat after a short and awkward pause, “Well I better go get my food and head on home. Are you heading back tonight, Stan? It was so nice seeing you… and meeting you as well Rita.”

[00:05:26] Stan responded, “No, not tonight. We’re getting an early start tomorrow and I don’t want to disappoint the new boss here. If you know what I mean?”

[00:05:35] Haven replied back, “Oh, I see Stan.” and began walking away slowly, waving goodbye and crossing the street.

[00:05:43] Internally, Haven wasn’t sure how to feel about the interaction with Stan and Rita, with a glance back, Stan and Rita continued their conversation infused with laughter and loud talking.

[00:05:57] On the drive home Haven quickly shifted thoughts from the interaction with Stan and Rita to thoughts of being home and eating with RIo. She was excited thinking about how Rio was going to be pleasantly surprised at her gift of food.

[00:06:11] Grounding herself, she took in the colors of the sky were pastel blues, purples and pinks painted on an evolving canvas. There was light jazz playing on the car stereo and she hummed along tapping the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song.

[00:06:28] A couple of hours later as Haven pulled into the driveway, Rio and Stevie were inside visiting. As Haven walked in the door, she heard echoes of laughter rumbling through the halls of the house.

[00:06:41] “I’m home!”, Haven expelled, “and I have a surprise for my favorite person.”

[00:06:47] As Haven followed their voices to the kitchen area, Rio and Stevie both greeted Haven with love and appreciation.

[00:06:55] Rio said “Hello, Lover! What have you got in your hands?”

[00:07:00] Stevie added “Welcome home, Haven. Rio and I have been having a blast.”

[00:07:06] Haven answered back to Rio, “It’s your favorite food from Asheville. Always thinking of you.”

[00:07:14] Rio replied, “Well, I didn’t have any expectations but I did hold on to hope that you might grab some to go food. And yes, I sent you a few telepathic messages throughout the day.”

[00:07:29] [Haven] “I picked up what you were laying down.”

[00:07:32] Haven and Rio then engaged in a prolonged hug, and a whispering of “I adore and appreciate you.” could barely be heard by Stevie.

[00:07:44] As they sorted out the food and invited Stevie to stay and eat with them, Stevie answered “Awwww! You two are so sweet but you deserve some time alone over a nice meal.”

[00:07:56] Pausing, Stevie looked down at her phone, realizing Stan had not returned her call or text from a couple of hours earlier. Glancing back up quickly, she laughingly said, “You didn’t happen to run into Stan in Asheville, did you?”

[00:08:12] Haven shockingly answered, “Well as a matter of fact, I did. I was waiting for the food outside the restaurant, enjoying the scenery, when I spotted Stan across the street eating at another restaurant with what ended up being his new project manager.”

[00:08:30] Stevie, in a mild shock stammered, “Re- Re-, Really?! That’s weird?!”

[00:08:38] Rio interjected, “Or serendipitous!”

[00:08:42] Haven then continued, “I walked over and visited with them over a beer for about 15 or 20 minutes. Stan was very kind, although a little clumsy and Rita seemed nice and very upbeat, or maybe she was just relaxed from a couple of beers?”

[00:08:59] “Hmmmmm”, Stevie murmured, “that's interesting. Stan told me he had heard that she was a hard ass and difficult to deal with. He’s been nervous for weeks about meeting her.”

[00:09:11] With a confused look on her face, Haven said, “Well, she was pretty relaxed and they seemed to have hit it off. She was very complimentary of Stan in many ways. It seemed as though they had known each other for a while.”

[00:09:27] Stevie with a harsher tone, questioned, “Was she hitting on him, in front of you?! What was Stan’s response?” Elevating her tone even higher, she then let out, “Are you kidding me?”

[00:09:46] Haven calmly responded, “Stevie, that's not what I’m saying. I will admit the energy was a little confusing for a work luncheon, but again, they had drinks when I arrived and Stan ordered another round for us all. So I wouldn’t read anything into it. I’m sure Stan will tell you about it.”

[00:10:05] Stevie, a little calmer, asked, “What did you say about him being clumsy? Stan isn’t clumsy…”

[00:10:12] Haven responded, “Oh nothing. It was just that he bumped the table with his knee, spilling water when he stood up to greet me.”

[00:10:21] Pacing back and forth, Stevie said, “I’ve gotta go. I’m gonna go call him right now and Stan better pick up and explain himself! This is some bullshit.”

[00:10:31] Rio and Haven paused and looked at each other wide eyed as Stevie walked towards the door. Hearing the front door close, Rio looked at Haven and said, “Let’s start over. We will just set Stevie and Stan to the side for now. That’s not our circus.”

[00:10:49] Rio, holding a wine class in the air, said softly, “Welcome home, Lover! Thank you for this food. I appreciate you always considering me. Let’s eat, I’m famished.”

[00:11:02] Haven got up and put on some mellow music, lit a few candles followed by a sage stick. WIth the sage in hand, she danced and twirled around Rio and the table, filling the area with cleansing smoke. Haven then laughingly looked at Rio and exclaimed, “Wow, I’m grateful we know how to shift that negative energy together! Let’s feast.”

[00:11:32] Aaron: What a cool way to end the first season of the Inward Journey story series, Alexander. Having an example of Rio and Haven managing a situation that many of us find ourselves in, maybe talking about something they saw and they did a great example of not getting sucked into the drama around the energy that could be brought up in this situation.

[00:11:54] Alexander: Yeah. So I think it's a great example of how two people can truly be partners in that and help each other to hold the space. Because this happened in Rio and Haven's home and so they work very hard, more than likely, to keep the energy a certain way. But yeah, you're always gonna have these people that do have emotional explosions, and the key is being able to set that aside.

[00:12:17] And I think that's a great point to bring up and a great way to end season one.

[00:12:21] Aaron: Yeah. And just to mention that again, we did do 13, this is the 13th episode of our first season of the Inward Journey story series and we will be taking a break and going back to our old format for a little bit while we continue to write more stories for season two of the Inward Journey story series that we will be releasing later on in 2023.

[00:12:45] Alexander: Yeah, so those of you that's enjoyed the story platform, but maybe missed parts of our old platform, this will be fun to just get back into and we've got some hot topics, so to say, to, to discuss with what's going on in the world and with just self-development in general.

[00:13:01] Aaron: And the cool thing going forward is even when we're doing that format, we can still relate back to these stories as examples, right?

[00:13:08] Alexander: Yes, absolutely. We were looking to develop these characters in a way to show how some people can relate to growing, but others around you not growing. And so I think we're gonna get into more of that in the upcoming season two. And we might fast forward a few years to see just how some people's growth has developed and how maybe some people have gotten even worse, stuck in their ways.

[00:13:33] Aaron: So this story is interesting because I think we're gonna get into a lot of more abstract and broad topics and situational topics, more than what we've kind of gone through in the past, where we're kind of looking at people's certain behavior and discussing how they can bring in more consciousness. More talking about how things were handled a certain way versus how it could have been.

[00:13:54] So, I think the first thing I wanted to bring up was Haven, how when she was waiting for the food, she kind of noticed Stan across the street and she questioned whether she should say hi to him or not. Because they did see that Stan was engaged with another person and they didn't know the situation. So I can understand questioning yourself there, but it seemed like they brought in some consciousness there to determine what next step should happen.

[00:14:25] Alexander: Yes, and I think, again, we're going to see in this episode multiple occasions that Haven handles a situation possibly optimal. And this is a pause to where it's a practice in just asking yourself, is this the optimal time? Is this the optimal place? Is this the optimal person to engage with? Have I already been engaging long enough? The optimal duration.

[00:14:51] And sometimes just in that pause, we can receive a message or we can gain more clarity because again, many of our instincts to act out of have been trained and they've been trained through traumas, and through judgments, emotional traumas. And, this is why again, we've talked about this in many episodes, of learning to just pause, and that's what I like to put in there mentally on the mental level is, just ask yourself those four questions. Is this the optimal time to engage about this subject? Is this the optimal subject? Is this the optimal person? And if you're already engaged with somebody, check in from time to time of have I already been engaging on the subject long enough? Because remember, in optimal communication, you want the person engaged to keep asking you questions. That's how we know whether we're connecting with the person. And some of us, and I can be very guilty of this at time too, go on little rants and we can lose the person that we're attempting to communicate with.

[00:15:59] Aaron: And during their engagement, when Haven accepted the invitation to sit down with Stan and Rita, there was a point where there was an awkward pause and then Haven took that as the opportunity to get up. But I wanted to talk about the, the stuff that was happening before, because it seemed like in just observing, most people would jump to the conclusion that Rita was flirting with Stan, but I can see that angle, but I could also see if Rita is around men, because you know, construction and [mm-hmm] and that type of industry is dominated by men, if she was around them, then she may have, through her environment, taken on some of those traits. Because what Rita was saying, I could see stan's buddy saying very similar things, like kind of harassing him. That's unfortunately how guys bond. Most guys bond, they harass each other, they put each other down, but it is all in good fun most of the time. So I kind of got that vibe from it as well. So I feel like Haven threw out that situation, stayed neutral and did not judge. But then when there was a pause, she took it as a sign to remember that, oh, I have to go.

[00:17:12] Alexander: Mm-hmm. Yes. And I think, again, this is a great example of wanting to see things clearly. And I agree that many people would jump to a conclusion that maybe this was flirting. But as you said, if Rita carries a high masculine energy, that's exactly what the masculine energy does, not necessarily the masculine as gender, but as the energy.

[00:17:38] And here she's not throwing jabs towards Stan like many men do in their friendships, but she is, kind of almost lifting him up, projecting some confidence onto him. But at the same time, why wouldn't a boss or supervisor want to do that for the people that's going to be working with him?

[00:17:57] So, see here Haven may be just out of her environment, but I think that when she describes it to Rio and to Stevie, that she's staying very neutral in the way she's sharing it. And I feel like she's taken into consideration possibly some of these variables we're talking about, that she's just not used to the way that they interact. So she really tried to share the information just as neutral as possible, and then we see that Stevie's insecurities and jealousy jumps out and gets her emotional very, very quickly.

[00:18:33] Aaron: Yeah, we can also point at Stan, when Rita gave him a compliment, maybe it wasn't appropriate saying that he was hot or whatever, when she went into all that. But Stan also was deflecting the compliment a little bit. He did accept that the Marlboro man was pretty cool, but he did kind of shy away from accepting it.

[00:18:49] Alexander: Yeah, embarrassed him a little bit. And I think that he's not used to hearing compliments like that. So again, different people have different ways to inspire or incentivize, and I'm not justifying whether this, I don't want to get, get into discussion of whether this is proper work etiquette because again it depends on the environment typically. And I've worked through construction in that type of environment and it's very typical of what goes on. I'm not justifying that it's okay.

[00:19:17] But I think the bigger thing to view is how quickly all of us can relate to how quickly that emotional trigger can happen. And then that's on Stevie's side, but then on Haven and Rio's side, but Haven's side especially, because she's involved in the communication of it, is that she doesn't take on that energy and reflect that energy back. And so she just seems to do a really good job of basically grounding the energy. And even when Stevie tries to go off the rails a little bit, she attempts to pull her back and say, no, I feel like you're reading too much into this.

[00:19:51] Aaron: Before all that happened, I feel like there was also a point where Haven had to make the determination to even mention it, and I, it seemed like they weren't going to until Stevie asked. And I feel like there's a question there that I want to get into more on the complete side, which is when do you feel it's necessary to do that, to inform, and when do you just mind your own business?

[00:20:17] Alexander: And we will definitely go deeper, but I want to give a little taste here that working with those questions of, anytime that you want to engage in conversation or ask a question, asking that, is this the optimal time? Is this the optimal subject? Is this the optimal person to engage with? Again, optimal duration? And in that pause, what that does is our initial reaction will come and then we pause to kind of scan that, and I like to ask, why do I need to ask this question? Is there really something to gain for everyone involved here?

[00:20:54] And so I respect the way in this situation that she was honest when asked about it, but I surely don't think it was her intention to go there and share that. She even did a great job in the car of just setting it to the side. I mean, Haven's just being a great example of not getting involved with other people's dramas and their emotional reactions.

[00:21:17] And I think as this develops, we're gonna just see more and more of the beauty of Rio and Haven's relationship and what they've developed.

[00:21:25] Aaron: And you mentioned Stevie having an emotional reaction. I would like to talk about that more and maybe how to handle a little better if you're ever in her situation, hearing some information that causes some emotional distress inside of you, but waiting to get more information, waiting to get clear on it before kind of determining what it means.

[00:21:47] Alexander: Mm-hmm. One way to work on that is to just take in information. And most people have an issue with jumping to conclusions, but it is a practice of just going, oh, that's interesting. Okay, it caught me off guard a little bit. Let me take some breaths and maybe I don't need to ask anymore questions to haven here until I talk with Stan. But the main thing is that anyone can practice not jumping to conclusions by just accepting I don't have enough information yet, and I'm gonna wait to engage into the energy until I get more information. Because this took her away from that beautiful vibe that they were all three sharing. That her and Rio got started and then it completely changed, but at least, you know, she left and took it away. That was at least kind of her.

[00:22:40] Aaron: Yeah, I feel like there's always a reason certain things happen and until you understand that side of it, you're not, you know, inviting consciousness in.

[00:22:50] Alexander: Yes. And at the same time, it's not, the other person which is Haven in this case, it's not their responsibility to answer questions when they don't know the person very well. It's a setup for, he said, she said type stuff. And again, when you're in Haven's position, just the more neutral that you can share the information the better, because it's more than likely gonna come back to you at some point that, hey, you said this and he said this. And it's very hard for two people to have the same story, even in the same event because they're at different stages and places of their life, their day. And so that's why sometimes stories can be conflicting and it can create even more of an emotional rage.

[00:23:33] Aaron: And then finally, we will get into the beautiful job that Rio and Haven did, as we've discussed, Haven on multiple occasions, staying neutral, asking herself the questions, and then the way Rio also helped create that environment and stay neutral. And then they were able to kind of put that aside because that energy that Stevie brought in there at the end could've created a lot of tension, even after she left.

[00:24:02] Alexander: Yes. Here we give a ode to Rio because see, she allowed Haven to handle that. She trusted her partner and didn't feel the need to involve herself in it. And again, that neutrality is very rare. Uh, many times people go into protection, their triggers will, emotional triggers will be activated, and then you'll have like this defending energy going on and a great, friendly moment can turn into just an ugly, feeling like betrayal. Like in a very short amount of time when those emotions get activated.

[00:24:36] So to be able to have two out of the three people involved that were able to stay centered and not emotionally react is what we want to bring more and more examples of through these stories and through this podcast.

[00:24:49] Aaron: And this is kind of synchronistic because we are at episode 13, the last in season one of the Inward Journey story series, and we're talking about a subject that was from episode 1 of the Wise Wise Podcast, which is the optimal place, optimal time, optimal topic.

[00:25:06] Alexander: And that's the beauty of this work, is it never ends and cycles keep coming around. And so this is an opportunity, you know, when repeated actions happen, you get the opportunity to hone your skills of communication and non-reaction, just more, and more, and more.

[00:25:23] Aaron: So if you are inclined, check out episode 1, but also check us out on the complete side.

[00:25:28] Alexander: All right. See you.

[00:25:30] Aaron: Thank you all for your support and joining us on the complete conversation.

[00:25:35] Alexander: Much love to everyone and looking forward to wrapping up this final episode of this first season and expanding on everything we started talking about.

[00:25:44] Aaron: Yeah, so I think firstly we want to do another deep dive into the optimal place, optimal time, like I just talked about at the end of the free section. It is, or it was episode one of the Wise Wise Podcast, so it's really cool that this is coming back around. But in this story, it was Haven who first saw Stan from across the street and she took that pause and started internally questioning, is this something that I want to do-

[00:26:12] Alexander: Or engage with? Yeah.

[00:26:13] Aaron: And then she started going through the process, but Stan saw her first and maybe interrupted that. And you had mentioned that it could have been a sign that she was to engage, or however you want to say it. Fate. But let's get into the process that she started doing.

[00:26:29] Alexander: Yeah. And I think it's just an interesting aspect that, for those that are looking for signs, and we've just done recent episodes that were around reading signs and that type of thing, that when you're in this pause of the question of whether to when you're going to engage with somebody of is this the optimal place for me to have this discussion? Is this the optimal subject to discuss? Is this the optimal person for me to discuss this with? And then, if you're already engaged, to check in from time to time again that, have I been on this subject or have we been on this subject long enough? The optimal duration.

[00:27:10] And when you're going through those questions, which can take just, you know, a few seconds, that's when they locked eyes. And if they hadn't have locked eyes, the vibe may have been, I just feel the pull to go on home. But when that happened, she engaged. But see she's engaging now consciously because she's considered all of that. And she goes into that situation grounded, present, not projecting that Stan's doing something that he shouldn't be or with somebody, you know, because she didn't know she was a workmate in the beginning.

[00:27:46] So just another great example of going into a situation and making sure you're neutral, while you're in the situation staying neutral. Leaving and recognizing, well, there was something that was, not necessarily off, but just not like a typical work luncheon. But then setting it completely to the side and basically going, it's not my concern. I've got other things like to focus on. And then she shifted it actually to gratitude and setting an intention for Rio receiving that meal that she was looking so forward to sharing with her.

[00:28:23] So, I just feel like it's a great example to point out that, remember people, that our perception is possibly the only true free will that we have that's not being influenced by some outside situation like our senses are. And so shifting that perspective from- yeah, going down the road and so many people do this. I mean, we're trained even through TVs to watch dramas, and we want to know how things are going to end up, and so we get all involved, when we can direct that into a much more useful energy, to build our conscious relationships and put that energy in that direction.

[00:29:01] And I think this episode's a great example of that with both Rio, but especially, Haven.

[00:29:06] Aaron: Yeah, it would've been so easy for Haven to see Stan with another woman and judge it and then not engage, go home and then tell Stevie, "Oh, I saw Stan with another woman". Now, Stevie may have been, "Oh, maybe that's his boss". But I feel like she's still early on in finding consciousness and kind of, enacting and practicing that, that it would've blown up into something because there's not enough information there.

[00:29:34] Alexander: Stevie and Stan don't necessarily have that level of communication established. I don't think she was aware that Stan was eating dinner with that supervisor or whatever. She just could have justified it with that possibly. But, she's acting a little frustrated that Stan hasn't gotten back to her, so we don't really know how well they always communicate and check in on each other and know what someone's doing.

[00:29:58] But in my teachings of around conscious relationships, I think that's very important. That I like to know where my person is all the time. It's not that I'm checking up on them or I'm worried about who they're with or anything like that, but I like knowing if someone's going from point A to point B and they let me know, I'm leaving point A and I'll just text you when I arrive at point B. See, every time that person moves that I'm interested in creating intimacy with, it's not a following them, it's that if at any point something gets off and I don't hear from them, or they're late or something like that, I know the last place that they were. So if there was some need to go looking, you know the direction to go.

[00:30:45] Where I find that most couples, they don't really communicate like that, but a lot of people are doing stuff that they want to keep from their partner. So I just like developing that in my own life of that high level of communication and that it's nurturing a connection and keeping that conscious connection there, not following up. But see if someone has past traumas from being in relationships of being too controlled, see, it's hard for them to receive that as something loving and caring. They take it as something as controlling, and that's very unfortunate.

[00:31:19] Aaron: You would think that Stan would've just texted Stevie and say, "Hey. We're going out. I'm going out with-", I mean, unless, see Stan's in an interesting situation because if Stevie has trauma around being cheated on or suspecting it, then-

[00:31:36] Alexander: Just jealousy.

[00:31:37] Aaron: He knows that she is going to react in a certain way and he may not want to deal with it.

[00:31:42] Alexander: Yes.

[00:31:42] Aaron: So he's going to not inform.

[00:31:45] Alexander: Yes. And this is a situation, again, not justifying, but Stan may have just been really caught off guard because he had this picture projected of how this new supervisor was going to be. There may have not been very much of a plan to like go get dinner, it just happened like so quickly. But again, that's where keeping that connection can keep a lot of drama out of your relationships, people, if you just inform what's going on. And different types of the Human Design, those of us that have different types, some people avoid those types of communications. Some people are afraid of confrontation, like you were suggesting, that Stan, it may be the way that she's dealt with jealousy in the past, he goes, ah, it's just not even worth it. I'll just tell her afterwards.

[00:32:29] And some people look for or would rather ask for forgiveness than to inform because they feel like they're asking permission. And again, there's not a right or wrong here, it just depends on the level of intimacy that you want to create in your relationships. And I happen to feel that conscious communication is a big part of developing intimacy and vulnerability.

[00:32:52] Aaron: Yeah and Stan is a 5/1 in the Human Design, and Stevie's a 3/5. So they both have that five. And so I'm just gonna go rogue here and ask a little side question because it's something that I can relate to. If Stevie is that person who has jealousy, he knows how she's going to react, does he just inform neutrally and let her react however she does, but he's living up to his value system and just being like, well, you know, I'm just informing, you know, there's nothing here. So I shouldn't feel a hesitation to communicate with the person I love.

[00:33:28] Alexander: This is a great question and there's so many variables involved in that, I'm not gonna be able to give a direct answer because it depends on whether Stan is really working to develop himself. If somebody's working to develop themselves, I like to suggest that you don't ask other people to change. You're the one that learns to adapt to, to help your partners, to keep that threat of insecurity from popping up. But at the same time, in a conscious relationship where hopefully both parties are growing, then it can be discussed and say, "Hey, I'm going to inform you anytime that I'm with a female and then every 15 minutes after that I don't mind checking out with you while I'm at a luncheon or something like that with a female". And see that might be helping to cater to a partner's jealousy issues, just that they know that you're willing to communicate through it and that type of thing, and it can make them feel more relaxed.

[00:34:27] For the partner that's having the dinner, that shouldn't be that big of a deal if you're truly working together to break this pattern. But he should only have to do that for a certain amount of time. There's no time limit on that, but I like to say that, you know, to check in every six months or so and say, "Hey, where are we at with this? Is your level of sensitivity getting better? So maybe it just gets to, can I just text you when I'm going to the dinner and then text you afterwards or call you or something like that rather than every 15 minutes?"

[00:35:05] So see, the main thing that I'm trying to get across here is that working together in a conscious relationship, both parties have to bend some, but it's not fair for one person to continue the bending just forever. And if one person is able to see that their partner is going to these lengths to make them a little bit more comfortable, then in return it should be, "Yes, I've got to learn to trust this person more because they're not my past relationships. They're not my past relationships and the people that have lied to me, and cheated on me, and those types of things."

[00:35:40] So see, working on it on both sides, to me, is the way that you arrive at that optimal place, in the shortest duration of time. It's just unfortunately many times, lots of people interested in this type of work doesn't have a partner that's necessarily interested in doing the work or doing it at the same rate. So that's where the complication can come in. That's why I like to say it's maybe more useful to do self-development work before you do relationship work. And those are two different things that we can probably bring into a whole podcast in the upcoming episodes.

[00:36:17] Aaron: And I would like you to quickly go through the motions of the optimal place, optimal time, if you were Haven in this instance and you were going to run through those possibilities, just as an example in this situation.

[00:36:32] Alexander: Okay. Right away, is this the optimal place? Sure it's outside. He shouldn't be having something personal going on where it would be very much incringing, that type of thing.

[00:36:45] And then is this the right time? Uh, yeah, I have time. My food's not gonna be ready for 30 minutes. I could, like, if they hadn't locked eyes, yes, I could go for a walk and then see if he sees me when I come back.

[00:36:57] So that's the place and the time. Is this the right person? Well sure, it could go either way. I know Stan, I don't know him that well. It would be rude if he saw me and I didn't engage. So that's why the locking of the eyes was kind of like a, a determining factor.

[00:37:15] And then of course, duration was managed because she stayed there for about the 15 or 20 minutes that she needed to, to get back to check on her food.

[00:37:24] So I feel like she managed all of those really well and considered- and again, when you get used to just taking a breath and running these, you can run through them in just a matter of like a few seconds. And, I think it helped her to handle the situation optimally.

[00:37:42] Aaron: So in the interaction with Stan and Rita, Haven is watching all this unfold and she did a great job at staying neutral and not judging it because she didn't go back and start causing drama.

[00:37:55] Alexander: Gossiping.

[00:37:55] Aaron: By, yeah, exactly. By judging the things that they saw. But what about from Stan's point of view, Rita is saying things that could be interpreted as flirty, to him, how do you stay neutral through that? Or how do you handle something like that, a conversation like that? Especially when somebody else is there?

[00:38:15] Alexander: Well, uh, I mean from, stan's point of view, I guess is what you're talking about, if he was working on it consciously?

[00:38:22] Aaron: Yeah, yeah. He wants to stay neutral. He doesn't want this, sort of, attraction.

[00:38:27] Alexander: Right. Well, I think that not showing, whether it was nervousness or, again, it is not that he's necessarily clumsy, but it did seem like he was caught off guard and wasn't sure. Again, if he's scared about how Stevie and her jealous tendencies. You know, all that stuff can happen really fast, but, It's also in the way that he received this. It seemed like it was a little bit of surprise, and you get surprised when you're not grounded, and centered, and present. And so going into something like that, especially a work type thing, it seems like he got caught off guard by Rita, but he certainly could have neutralized any ideas of flirting a little bit more by not receiving the compliments to a level of blushing, by not continuing conversations that just could be misunderstood, like redirecting them. Remembering the Three Rs here in the J.U.S.T. Philosophy of Recognizing the conversation could be misconstrued, Respecting it by being concerned of everyone that's involved, even Stevie back home, and then simply Redirecting it and saying, "Oh yeah, I like that Marlboro Man, but I don't feel like I'm anything like that. And I'm not really interested in the video shoot. I'm sure that Haven will find wonderful people to do that.

[00:39:49] And so looking to neutralize things rather than confront them. But again, this isn't necessarily his strong suit because he is a 5 and used to avoiding situations that could be emotional or frictional. And he's not really seeking that much to change and be more conscious of his environment.

[00:40:14] But I think it was a great question for those that are, and the main point is staying grounded and centered and make sure that you're not feeding the conversation to go in a direction that continues what could be misconstrued.

[00:40:28] Aaron: Yeah, and I feel like a lot of what you need to be grounded in a situation like that is to know your Authentic Self and also maybe know the things that you're working on so that you are aware. Like if he was maybe insecure about his looks and somebody's giving him a compliment. I guess that could go either way, but he could feel attracted to that person because they are saying attract-

[00:40:50] Alexander: Recognizing.

[00:40:50] Aaron: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, but if you're aware of that, if you're aware that you have a trigger there, you can stand in your power and not deflect it, but kind of own it and then redirect like you said.

[00:41:01] Alexander: Yes, yes. And so I'm not, I'm not suggesting to deflect it. Yes. Because any love or appreciation that's being shared, you know, I'm about receiving that. But it's whether you feed it or not. And so the art of being confident, being able to be complimented, receive it, and then not project any illusion onto that other person is extremely rare.

[00:41:25] But that's why we're talking about conscious interactions, conscious relationships, and being grounded and centered.

[00:41:30] Aaron: And then getting back to when Haven arrives and Rio and Stevie are there having a good time, when do you choose or how do you choose to inform of something that you saw, like Haven saw Stan and Rita. Stevie's there. She's having a good time. She's in a good mood. Haven doesn't know how Stevie is exactly around jealousy or any of those sorts of things. [Mm-hmm] How their relationship is. And so it seemed like Haven wasn't going to mention that, but then Stevie asked, and then Haven was very neutral. But how would you determine whether to say something or not? Like is it her business to know? It is a confusing thing.

[00:42:14] Alexander: Yeah. I mean, it is, and I think that's going to come down to a personal preference. There's many different types of personalities, many different reasons for people sharing information or questioning.

[00:42:27] And so there's some people that's just designed to even provoke people, and that doesn't have to mean something negative, but provoke conversations like this. There's a gate in the Human Design that is the gate of provocation. So people that carry that, these are the type of conversations that's going to come out.

[00:42:45] So I work with a few of them of how to buffer just what we're talking about. Because they can get involved in triangle conversations very, very often because of this provocation to whatever's being hidden, going to bring that to the center. But most people don't carry that but the people that do act in that way, many times it's been trained by their environment growing up, or it's been through some kind of trauma of a relationship that they've gone through.

[00:43:14] So, so many people carry baggage from, of course, their childhood and past relationships into every new relationship that they enter into. And these emotional triggers are all over the place. So there's many different levels of practicing this work and the first level is deciding how you want to direct your energy. You're directing your energy either toward what you're building or towards something else, and that something else has a wide range of what that can be, but that's depleting your energy.

[00:43:47] Instead, you can redirect that in me putting it toward conversations that is building. So there's nothing wrong with like possibly Haven coming in and just mentioning like lightheartedly, "Oh, by the way, I just saw Stan a few hours ago at another restaurant when I was waiting for food". And it could be just dropped like that, but there's probably going to be pursuing questions. So, I think here, Haven was gonna play it that she wasn't gonna mention it, but when called upon, she was just gonna be as neutral and as honest as she could be. And I don't really know what more that someone can do.

[00:44:24] Aaron: Yeah. And if you're Stan in this situation, and you know how Stevie can be with jealousy and if you didn't inform prior, you know that if she finds out this could be blown out of proportion and maybe not handled in a neutral way. So do you then reach out to inform as soon as possible knowing that, I mean, I don't know if he's trying to hide anything upfront, like, because he didn't inform [Mm-hmm] or we don't, I mean, I don't know. I guess, I guess we, well, I think we do know because she didn't hear from him, so [Right] so we don't know if he informs after.

[00:44:57] Alexander: Right.

[00:44:58] Aaron: Even though she's seeking him out now. So, I feel like he should have informed upfront, but now he should inform, I feel like in a, in a very neutral way because if I was him, I would think, okay, well, you know, Haven is going to tell Stevie so I should inform. So-

[00:45:18] Alexander: Yeah, I mean optimally-

[00:45:19] Aaron: clear anything up.

[00:45:20] Alexander: That, yeah, bring it up as soon as possible.

[00:45:22] But again, he's a 5 in the Human Design, which was mentioned earlier, but that's to avoid conflict. And so he would have to be working on himself to do something that conscious. But yes, that's going to make it easier because, whatever, he cut off his phone, or he just decided at a business luncheon he wasn't gonna have it on, we don't know how often, again, we don't know their communication. It's poor communication, but that's very, very typical in our society.

[00:45:48] So again, all four people involved here have an opportunity, outside of Rita, Stan to learn from this and to learn to communicate better. There's Stevie that's got the opportunity to learn to not react, to continue working on her overreaction of emotions. And then both Rio and Haven are great examples of just continuing this practice in everyday situations. And how the continuation of these types of practices makes it easy when they just fall in your lap or makes it easier to continue that good work and have better results.

[00:46:28] Aaron: Yeah. Let's get into how Stevie reacted and I want to get into maybe ways or how we can hear information like that if we were her and to stay neutral throughout. Like what's a perspective that we take on, or a mantra, or something along those lines for somebody who is or finds themself reactive and is trying to move slowly towards consciousness and away from that so they can work on that, what I assume is, as soon as she heard Stan with another woman, she had that kind of Solar Plexus or wherever she feels that [Mm-hmm] that reaction come in. And then it's almost like her conscious listening kind of turned off and she was just hearing things and then reacting to them.

[00:47:11] Alexander: Right. Yes. This is a great practice for everyone in learning to manage these emotions. But when you know what your two main emotions are, and what I mean by your two main emotions is the two emotions through your life that you have experienced the majority of time, when you're aware of those two- we're gonna do a podcast coming up in the near future around the shadow self and how the just philosophy looks at that- but when you're aware of those two, my two happen to have been through my life insecurity and frustration. So anytime I'm in conversation, or especially anytime some surprise or new information comes in, I just choose to accept that those filters are always on. And so as soon as I go into anything based around, any thought processes based around anything connected to insecurity or frustration, then I immediately tell myself, we don't have enough information right now. So let's give this a little time to pass. And see, in my Human Design, I happen to have the emotional center that is activated. So see, we need 24 hours to ride what's called the emotional wave. And people that don't have the emotional center activated like Aaron doesn't, it's more about your initial sense before your emotions kicks in, there's an intuition, a gift that you can learn to tap into right away. I still utilize that intuition, but I'm designed to wait a 24 hour period and then revisit it.

[00:48:44] So the main part is to accept those parts of yourselves by not running from them and not seeing them as this ugly or negative thing like most people project them. They're just a part of you that you need to learn to manage. They're never going to go away. You're not going to fix 'em. You're not going to get rid of them. So they're very similar I like to say to children. You just learn to manage them. They're gonna pop up from time to time and say the darnedest things and throw temper tantrums and just react in ways that's very confusing. But if you're interested in staying the parent, staying centered, staying present, learning to take that breath before any interaction with anybody, to run the four questions. See, all of that happens in just a few seconds, but if you give your monkey mind something consistent to do, the more you do it, the faster you get at it, and the more you practice it, the easier you're able to move through it.

[00:49:41] And then when you gather more information, then start being that investigator and saying, "Okay, how does this really, you know, feel to me?", while still being aware that those two insecurity and frustrations are always looming around. So I wanna make sure that my reaction and my communication back to that person is clear and neutral in a way to where I say, "Now I'm not saying this is what happened, I'm just sharing with you that, with the information that I've gained so far, this is the way that it's making me feel uncomfortable. And again, I'm not saying that this is the way you intended it." Because that person might clear it up really fast and say, "Oh, no, no, no. See, I didn't even have time to call you because we were already at the restaurant. She said, let's just grab some food while we're here and there was no plan."

[00:50:33] If she asked, "Well, why didn't you tell me that you were going to eat lunch?" So, so see an explanation like that can put out like a little fire. But it's important that when we discuss to a person how we are receiving the story, see it is perfectly fine to share that it's making me feel uncomfortable, it's bringing up my shadow side, it's bringing up my insecurity. But I don't want to jump to a conclusion, I truly want to give you an open opportunity to communicate with me so I can see this more clearly.

[00:51:03] And so that little bit of time and realizing that people you need time away from your emotions. So especially if they get, when they get activated, please try to remember to not try to discuss or work out the situation with the person at that time. When we get emotional, we can't consciously communicate. We've got those filters going through, but I'm all about processing the emotion. Find a way to go process the emotion, whatever it is. And then you're gonna be able to more optimally communicate with the person that you want to communicate with.

[00:51:34] Aaron: Yeah, I like that because it's almost like you are becoming the observer and you're aware of your emotions and you're able to put them aside to get more information to see if these emotions are justified.

[00:51:46] Alexander: Yes, and normally they very rarely are because those emotions are attached to previous experiences through your life. But see, they still need to be respected. This is why acceptance is such a key in this philosophy. Again, it's not condoning or proving of, but it's accepting these parts of us that they're here and they don't have to be ugly and they don't have to control us. We don't have to react out of them. We can respect them by simply going, "Okay, I feel you coming up. My insecurity just popped up. Okay. Insecurity. Please sit down cause I don't have enough information. But thank you for having my best interest at heart. Now trust, come on up here and sit with us." Because, you know, either you can trust your person or you can't. And some people are in relationships where they've been done wrong by the person that they're with and working on forgiveness. So see there's many different levels of this. And, of course, I help people each week in relationships of this specifically when we understand your cards and your Human Design and the communication highway that you have.

[00:52:50] But just speaking in general, we're going to have to stay in general because we need those specifics to help optimally.

[00:52:56] Aaron: Yeah, I think I've learned how to do this because I used to be a very reactive person and I feel like the thing that has helped me learn to ask for more information before reacting is just getting to know myself and my intricacies [Mm-hmm] and why I think certain ways, learning about my traumas. And the more I've learned about myself and how I'm often misunderstood by other people, the more I can not want to do that to somebody else.

[00:53:25] Alexander: Yes. Yes. That's so well said. Because again, when we're able to accept our shortcomings- and the other day I was talking with a client and she happened to mention that she got triggered by her boss and then it made her reflect on how in the past, a couple of years ago or so, she operated very, very similar and was even in more of an alignment with this person, but, she just started crying because she was embarrassed or felt bad of how she had played that role, this aggressive role, and like dominating people, basically, trying to manipulate them. And she's really working on not doing that now.

[00:54:07] So as we are working on ourselves, we have to forgive ourselves as we go, because people are going to remind us, especially our family, of things that we've worked through or things that we're working on. And many people will run from that because they don't want to be reminded of it. But I feel like that's an important part of your progress is being able to be around your parts of your old self learning, not to judge them, to accept it in you, helps you to accept it in them. That acceptance comes across energetically a support, and it gives the most likelihood for that person to change too. This is how we change our whole family lineage through example, not through talking about it, or teaching, or projecting.

[00:54:54] Aaron: And the way Rio and Haven handled the whole situation with Stevie having an emotional reaction and around the information that Haven was neutrally providing, I wanted to ask you what kind of, whether they do or not, what kind of agreement do you think that they've set up that helps them manage something, or if you were in this situation or if you had a partner where you wanted to set something up like on how to stay neutral when other people are coming into your environment, to not feed these things. What's something that you could provide for everybody out there?

[00:55:31] Alexander: Well, I think that, first of all, being able to communicate what kind of space you're going to hold, if that's gonna be a neutral space, which is my preference. Some people want to have a happy vibration, they want to have that. But any motion that you go towards, there's a high likelihood that you're going to deal with the opposite emotion too. That's the way the emotions work on this energetic plane. That's why working to practice things such as non-preference and realizing that when you do have a preference or an urge to say something or ask something, to pause and go, "Whoa, what? Why do I have that urge?" Because urgency is not of spirit. Things in the natural world, there's not a rush energy to it. There's a natural flow if you can tap into it, and anybody that really gets into nature, that's part of the juice is tapping into that natural flow.

[00:56:23] So being able to hold the energy, be prepared for whatever comes and just have an agreement. Hey, we're not gonna feed any negativity that comes. We can redirect it and they could have put down a boundary and said, "Stevie, would you mind? We're not gonna discuss this anymore. We're gonna enjoy our evening." But they allowed it to kind of flow naturally.

[00:56:46] But there's nothing wrong with people being on the same team and saying, "Hey, we're gonna nip any negative emotions without making them feel bad, say, 'Hey, I'll be willing to, to discuss this with you tomorrow, or something like that. Or after you talk to Stan, I'm open to discuss it with you, or something like that.'"

[00:57:05] And when your partner's able to just come in and say something like, "No, I think that's a great idea. We want you to feel supported Stevie. But yes, let's please keep our evening in this energy and we want to invite you to stay for the meal." Even be inclusive. So the challenge is many times one person in a relationship will be interested in setting a boundary and their partner won't support them in it. And that happens many times in couples that have a competitive edge about the relationship. And in the cards, this is shown through the Mars connections.

[00:57:41] Aaron: And so just flipping that around, what if Haven and Rio were at Stevie's visiting and the same situation occurred? Would the whole environment difference play a different role in how they handled it?

[00:57:55] Alexander: I mean, it more than likely would play in a different way, but I still see Rio and Haven being able to manage that. But more than likely they would leave the conversation, it wouldn't have went on as long as it did at their house. That was, that's my suggestion of when I'm not in my natural environment, then I'm just looking to make sure that I get out of the conversation sooner. In my natural environment or my power place of where I teach or I see clients or even my home, my property, I have a whole lot more leeway with that. And this just comes from many years of observation and learning how to carry your energy in your natural environment and then how you shift it to hold it out in the so-called public or in social situations. And many times that is different for people that are managing their energy. It's not that you put on a protective shield, but for me personally, I'm much more lighthearted and free spirited in my natural habitat. And then when I'm outside of that habitat, I'm more aware. I'm more, not on guard, but just present, grounded. Because I know that anytime someone can say something outta the blue or do something and I want to be prepared and ready for that. That's why I feel like being in a neutral place and practicing non-preference out in public is a very powerful tool.

[00:59:22] Aaron: Well said. Well said. Well, that will wrap it up for episode 13 of season 1 of the Inward Journey story series. Alexander, it's been a lot of fun, a lot of creative energy has been poured into these stories. I've really enjoyed working with the stories with you and the storytellers, which has been great.

[00:59:39] Alexander: Yes.

[00:59:40] Aaron: The sound effects, especially the one where we show an emotional reaction. I really feel like we've done a lot of great things this season and really looking forward to continuing that and growing upon it in season 2.

[00:59:52] Alexander: Yeah, absolutely. And I really appreciate your participation and it's been a pleasure through this creative process. You know, you never know how that's going to work out with someone. We had such a great thing and then we tried something new and we had to work through some communication things and things like that, but it helped us to grow even in our relationship. So again, it's good to test your relationships and put them through different types of scenarios.

[01:00:16] But again, I will say that I appreciate your willingness to consciously communicate when we did hit those bumps in the road, so to say. And I feel like we did it pretty optimally, and I thank you for that.

[01:00:28] Aaron: Right back at you.

[01:00:29] Alexander: All right. See you, beautiful people.