In our second episode of the Inward Journey series, we go back in time to the night before and learn some new information about what is adding to Stan and Louise’s rocky relationship. This brings in themes such as forgiveness, acceptance and how to be a more efficient mediator in your family dynamics.
Story written by: Alexander
Story read by: Elena Maggio
Music by: Alexander
[00:00:20] Aaron: Thank you all for joining us for our second episode of the new Wise Whys Inward Journey series, as we follow the Winthrop family through their challenges and miscommunications in relating to themselves and one another.
[00:00:34] In this episode, we are giving all the listeners the full version of the episode again, so you will have another experience with the full range of what we are offering in these new Inward Journey story episodes. If you missed our first episode released two weeks ago, it may be beneficial to listen to that one first as these take place in chronological order.
[00:00:58] The wisdom shared in these episodes has completely transformed my overall life experience in a very black and white way. So I definitely have a knowing about the value that our episodes offer to our listeners. If you also find yourself valuing the information shared in our episodes, consider supporting the art of what we do here and sign up for our Complete Conversation premium membership. You'll have access to all of our past episodes, all our future full length conversations, our reaction shows and bonus content, and more. Just head over to Wisewhyspodcast.com and hit the get complete link in the main menu.
[00:01:42] In this episode, we begin going back in time to the evening before Louise arrived at Janet and Michael's house, giving a little more background into some of the complexities of the family dynamics. Now let's inward journey.
[00:01:59] Storyteller: Wise Whys - Inward Journey
[00:02:07] Episode 2: Three Generations
[00:02:13] As we mentioned in the previous story, Friday, the night before Louise arrived, Stan and Stevie were invited by Janet to spend the night and have some couples time together. Stan and Janet hadn't talked very much over the past year. There weren't any issues presently between them. Life had just been busy for both of them. Their common life challenge was Louise, their mom. Neither of them enjoyed discussing her as a topic, so they just avoided it whenever possible.
[00:02:41] Around 8:00 PM that evening as Stan, Stevie, Janet, and Michael sat around the kitchen table playing cards, the kids were downstairs playing and watching TV in their playroom. There was some mellow jazz music playing low on Michael's vintage turntable. Janet had candles burning with a hint of lavender and lemon grass essential oils coming from the nearby diffuser. The windows were open and carrying a gentle breeze throughout the house. Stan closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled deeply. He found a moment of contentment and peace focusing on all of five of his senses. Inwardly, he smiled. His rugged exterior showed no change to others as they were briefly distracted in light conversation.
[00:03:23] After just a few minutes, Janet says, "So, mom mentioned last week, something about sending you a card a month ago or so, and asked me, uh, if you had mentioned it. What was that all about? Or should I even ask?"
[00:03:37] They all turned their attention towards Stan. Everyone got silent as each noticed him sitting with his eyes closed. After a few moments, Stan slowly began opening his eyes, with a stoic gaze looking forward, he got up and without saying anything, walked over to the fridge and asked, "Is wine the strongest thing you have to drink around here? I've enjoyed it, but I need something a little stronger for this conversation".
[00:04:03] Michael gets up and grabs a jar in the back of an upper cabinet above the sink. And Michael says, "Uh, I think I have what you're looking for." As he pulls down a Mason jar with clear liquid in it. "Now just take a sip. This is the stuff that puts hair on your chest!" And he sits back down with a mild chuckle in a head shake. Stan takes a big gulp and releases a "Hooooo!" as his face was cringing. He grabs a nearby chair to stabilize himself.
[00:04:32] Shaking it off and walking back towards the table, Stan says, "Well, big sister, let me tell you what your Mama said to me in her precious card. It was full of bright colors and positive words on the outside and glitter on the inside that went everywhere when I opened it. It was some type of apology or something. Oh, by the way, I'm still picking up glitter out of everything at home. Yeah, it's a daily reminder of her joyous giving heart. She mentioned just wanting to move forward and leave the past behind us. A new day is, uh, dawning I think was the caption she used. Yeah. She says she had a realization in a healing session with her guru or somebody she gets energy work from. That revealed how she was, uh, using shaming and withdrawing her affection as a relationship tool to maintain control. And she said she was sorry. And if I felt like she did that to me growing up to please forgive her. Do you think sis, I mean, do you really think? Are you kidding me? If I feel like she shamed me, belittled me, or had some major mood swings. I mean, she said that she has, uh, released her blame and guilt towards herself and, uh, hope that, uh, I could do the same. It's up to me now. 'A new day is dawning'. I mean, can you believe she thinks a hippie, fairy card apology equates to a lifetime of shaming, belittling, and tearing me, well, US down? Just like I'm sure she will in some way tomorrow. Just watch she hasn't changed."
[00:06:04] "Well," Janet says, "This is so typical of her Stan. However, it's a different approach for her and at least it's something new. Maybe she's trying to do better."
[00:06:13] Stan takes off his hat, rubs his head and eyes slowly. "Well, this should make for tomorrow's family time entertaining to say the least. Why do we put ourselves through this? Why did you even invite her again? Why do you justify her self-serving actions, Janet?"
[00:06:30] As Janet walks over to give Stan a hug, Stevie and Michael cheers their wine glasses and says, "Welcome to the three G's!" while laughing with each other.
[00:06:40] Janet says, "Well, tonight is tonight and tomorrow will be what it will be. Let's enjoy the rest of the evening and the calm before the storm."
[00:06:49] Janet looks at Michael and Stevie, "What did you two say about welcome, the three G's or something? What's that mean?"
[00:06:56] Stevie explained. "Yeah, the three G's. Uh, we're all just witnessing the three generations of the Winthrop's.
[00:07:03] As the world turns, cheers everyone!"
[00:07:11] Aaron: Well, Alexander, first of all, I would like to say that I loved the new background music. It's kind of a little ominous. Like something's a foot here and I'd like to give you props for that. Alexander's been composing the background music for each episode so far.
[00:07:27] Alexander: Very different style than I'm used to working with. And again, it's leaning into the friction and just doing supportive background stuff that hopefully doesn't detract, but just enhances the storytelling a little bit.
[00:07:38] Aaron: So the follow up to our initial story release was pretty interesting. It was cool how it kind of went back in time to show kind of the foreshadowing of what they actually experienced in episode one [mm-hmm] and what Stan went through and all of their discussion. And then the next day obviously was in episode one where Louise came and Stan and Louise had that kind of interaction. So we got to see some of the foreshadowing and some of the background that he experiences in their relationship.
[00:08:06] Alexander: Yes. And in that, you know, we're seeing a good amount of projection going on and we're gonna get into dissecting the difference between projection and acceptance and how that's a really close line, so to say, that most people don't realize. And acceptance is part of the healing and the resistance of it is what creates communication issues and ongoing things that can turn into physical issues eventually.
[00:08:30] Aaron: Yeah. So at the beginning of this episode, it seemed like Stan was at peace or at least he was enjoying the moment. He had his eyes closed. He was tapped into all five senses. There was some music on in the background. He was really enjoying himself. And then Janet prompted him about the card. And I was kind of proud of him because he didn't react right away. [Mm-hmm] but he did come out of that and then he asked for a drink, which is a continuation of him drinking. Well, I guess it would be backwards. Cuz the next day he did also need a drink before his mom came there. So again, we'll keep an eye on that drinking thing, it might be just a coping mechanism for what's going on.
[00:09:11] Alexander: Yes. And I think that we'll see how his character develops as it goes on. But I think that this was almost as big of a surprise for Stan as it was everybody else. When they realized that he was in this like moment of peace. And I think that maybe people can relate that every now and then you'll just kind of drift off in a daydream and then come back to all of a sudden. And just in this situation, he happened to be aware of his senses and what he was feeling and smelling and that type of thing.
[00:09:41] You know, that's where Stevie is going to come back in at some point, and she seems to be really into the metaphysical stuff. And so maybe just a little bit that he's picked up here and there is helping him to just take that moment or be in that moment, accidentally or intentionally. And then, like you said, it was a good thing to highlight of how, you know, he didn't react when asked about that letter. He took a moment. In the past podcasts I've talked about learning to take a breath before any action, and this was a good example of that. He just took a breath and stood up and walked and you know, of course he is wanting a drink. We'll see if this develops into a full blown issue or if maybe it's just associated with the mother. Every time the mother comes up.
[00:10:26] So that'll be interesting to dissect because people create habits or dependencies, you know, in different ways. And we wanna keep a close eye on this and see if it's gonna wind up being an issue.
[00:10:37] Aaron: In the beginning, it did mention that Stan and Janet didn't talk about their mother, so I thought maybe that was a little odd. Maybe there's some avoidance there that they're not maybe ready to share their feelings with each other. But then it's starting to be pulled open with this card. And so, we don't know what happened in the past, and maybe we'll get some views into that. But it does seem like maybe it wasn't talked about and then all of a sudden this card comes and then they have the get-together and now it's kind of turning into something that's bringing up a lot from the past.
[00:11:11] Alexander: Yes, and we have to remember that Stan and Stevie weren't originally going to be at this get-together. So this wasn't originally gonna be some type of big family get-together. It was just, Louise coming over to have dinner with her daughter and the kids and her husband. And for whatever reason Stan was invited by Janet to come over, and I think that was more that maybe she didn't wanna deal with her mom on her own. And so see, there's plenty of times that people are doing things subconsciously that they don't realize why they're putting some protection up. And I think this is a good example of Janet feeling that if she's gotta go through this, then she really wants Stan to be there as a type of buffer.
[00:11:52] And I think it, more than likely, it changes her role because she plays a big role of being a people pleaser. And see certain people have to be around and playing their role for her to be able to play that role. So again, it's very interesting how we all put ourselves in certain situations, around certain people, to play certain roles. And I think that this is part of what we may get to highlighting in this episode and the deeper conversation .
[00:12:18] Aaron: And so now we'll bring in Louise, even though she wasn't an active character in this part of the story, she did send Stan a card, which we discovered through Janet prompting Stan, and it seemed a little passive aggressive overall. But the thing I really wanted to point out was the glitter.
[00:12:36] So the whole point of the card was asking for forgiveness, or just kind of wanting to move on. And we can dissect, there's multiple parts here that we can get into, but the glitter thing stood out to me first because it's like a constant memory that you then have to clean up and you have to put in even more effort.
[00:12:53] Alexander: Yes. And then glitter is the type of thing that, and confetti and things like that, that just as time goes on, you just keep continue seeing it. Just in little corners or in clothing and it sticks to everything. And so, that whole idea that sometimes what you think is a gift is an annoyance for someone else.
[00:13:13] And so truly if you're going to give a gift, then give a gift that you feel like the person will receive rather than a gift that you would like to receive. And many people, that's the way that they give gifts. If you'll pay attention, most people teach you what they want from you by what they do to you or for you.
[00:13:32] Aaron: And with how Louise approached the card. It felt a lot like she may have just learned the idea of forgiveness and maybe implementing it the wrong way or way too soon before actually understanding and practicing it.
[00:13:47] Alexander: Yeah, I think it is something that she's picked up newly in the new age groups that, whether it's about positive affirmations, which she just started utilizing in that first story. And you know, sometimes forgiveness work starts with that. That you give some kind of apology and some people say, "Well, you know, that's all that you can really do. So you need to move forward after that". And so a lot of people want to just be able to say the words, "I'm sorry", and then just move forward. And we're gonna get into dissecting why that doesn't normally fulfill an issue, especially when it's been a lifelong issue. And possibly what could be utilized to bring along more forgiveness and more healing with just a little bit more understanding.
[00:14:33] Aaron: And when we discuss the J.U.S.T. Philosophy here, we do bring in the Five Levels and why is it important to understand something on all Five Levels before you practice it?
[00:14:45] Alexander: Yes. And see, this is just maybe in a mental and an emotional level release. But again, I question how much is really emotional. Because see, writing a card like that doesn't necessarily take a lot of feeling. Many people write cards from their mind. And the idea of wanting it to be over and wanting to move forward and just feeling like, "Well, I'll do this gesture and then I don't have to deal with that anymore".
[00:15:11] And so, looking at it from an energetic standpoint and even a physical standpoint, physical brings in time or human time. An energetic standpoint is the duration of the suffering and looking in from the holistic view that it can take half as long to heal or help something as it did to create it. So, considering something like 18 years of this type of treatment, and then to just think that a card- and even more than 18. I mean, it's carried on it seems like, since adulthood for Stan. But see he's pulled back. He's chosen to not be in contact to have to deal with that. So see, it's an ongoing thing that she's just hoping will be resolved. And I have a feeling that if it gets brought up in the future, that she'll say, "We need to just move forward." Kinda like she mentioned in the card, that I just wanna move forward. And even the question of," If I did this to you". See that's not typically an apology, but some people in their attempt to apologize, they'll say, "Oh, if what I did made you feel like this, then I'm sorry". But to truly look as, if that's an apology. But we're gonna get into what really can be a sufficient apology and why "I'm sorrys" and cards, for many people, just isn't enough to move past a lifelong issue.
[00:16:38] Aaron: I believe the words she used Alexander was, "A new day is dawning".
[00:16:41] Alexander: A new day is dawning. Yes.
[00:16:43] Aaron: With that like you were saying, I don't feel like it considers the other person's feelings, you know, especially in the past. And also feels like she's trying to escape responsibility and maybe she has self shame around it and that's motivating her to just like keep it in the past.
[00:16:59] Alexander: Yes. And you know, when we working on shame and blame, those are two of the emotions that people wanna move through the fastest. And that's why many times the apologies aren't well received. Because a person isn't willing to experience the discomfort that they were part of creating for that other person. And this is what I'm looking so forward to getting into. The way that the J.U.S.T. Philosophy looks at your willingness to truly apologize when you have truly affected somebody in the way that they feel is not any self-martyrdom to just hurt yourself, but to be willing to experience discomfort to a similar level that you were a part of creating for another human being is what I look forward to dissecting and giving a view of that type of forgiveness work.
[00:17:52] Aaron: And towards the end of the story, we did have Janet kind of mediating what Stan was saying. I don't know if he was trying to like, talk himself into getting heated but, janet was there to offer another perspective. So, I don't know if that's something where she was helping or it maybe she was hurting that situation.
[00:18:12] Alexander: Yeah, because sometimes, you know, I love the saying, "Good intentions are the death of a wise one". And she seems to be a little bit, of course, like we've discussed, a people pleaser and many times that means that they fall into being the mediator. And under that mediator, many people utilize what's called devil's advocate. So just trying to help the person see it from a different view. But the key here is from a sound healing perspective, is that if you don't meet the person where they're at in that conversation, you're really bringing in friction. Just like when somebody's sad or mad and somebody just walks up and says, "You need to just be grateful and be positive".
[00:18:53] See the gap, the frequency gap is too big. So meeting someone where they're at, and I think this is just an art that Janet could be very excellent at once she lets down her guard a little bit and is able to approach it from a more neutral and non-preference direction, which is a big part of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy. And so, yes, we're gonna share a little bit about how she could just make a few tweaks and play that role much more optimally and carry much less of a cost.
[00:19:26] Aaron: And then we have Stan at the end where he may be projecting rather than accepting.
[00:19:31] Alexander: Yes. And you know, I see this happen so much. And again, remember that acceptance here does not equal condoning or approving of. When you accept somebody, the way that they are, you have the upper hand. But see he was projecting, "Watch tomorrow she's gonna be like this." So I say, "See, you already know how she's going to be. If you would accept that rather than resist it, you stand in your power rather than giving your power away. Cuz when we're in our negative emotions, we're not carrying our full power". So see, he's so close to being able to utilize this situation optimally, to stand in his power rather than the way that he's looking at it right now.
[00:20:15] He's fighting for power with his mother. And that was in the first story, you know, when he walked in and she said, "Stan, why can't you meet me when you know that I'm coming and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah". You know? And he goes, " See, there she is. Hi mom". And so again there, he's still just resisting it, rather than being prepared for it and redirecting the energy very quickly, like walking over, giving her a hug and saying, "So nice to see you." and not allowing that to affect him.
[00:20:44] So we're gonna be discussing a very active way that to some people may look passive, but it takes a lot of redirecting to be optimal at what we're discussing. And shifting the energy and standing in your power.
[00:20:59] Aaron: And so we've discussed many different opportunities for growth or to bring in more consciousness. I did wanna give a kudos at the end to Janet, Michael, and Stevie for kind of redirecting the energy. Because that could have turned into a conversation where everybody was taking shots at Louise or feeding it, and everybody is just getting angry or frustrated by it. But instead they decided to cheers and Stevie had the little piece of comedy there with the three G's. So, I thought that was a very good way to redirect the energy there.
[00:21:32] Alexander: Yes. And I think that hopefully that can be great inspiration for the listeners out here. To realize that the energy to get into gossip, it's like an undertow in a ocean. It can pull people into it and they don't even realize it. But it's all about what your intention of the evening is. Because see, Louise is having such an effect on these four people's lives the night before she's coming. And that's not standing in their power. But like you said the other three redirected and thankfully didn't feed Stan to just get more and more upset about her. And I'm sure that the other three have plenty, that they could complain about with Louise, but that was a very nice organic redirecting the energy. And to end that part of the story with those four being in harmony and appreciation for each other and then being able to make a small joke about it.
[00:22:24] Aaron: All right. So Alexander, I'm really looking forward to getting deeper into these and talking more about how we can utilize what we just recognized in the story and then more into the respect and redirect phases of the Three R's since we're kind of bringing that in here. You and I did have this conversation where in the free version of these new stories, we are doing more of a reflection or recognization. And then in the premium version of our Complete Conversation, we are doing more of the respect and redirect of that practice of that tool. I don't know if you wanna speak to a little more of that and then we'll move right into the premium version.
[00:22:59] Alexander: Yeah, sure. So, you know, we're speaking of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy's Three R's. To Recognize show Respect, and Redirect.
[00:23:07] We have to get to a place of neutrality, or non preference, to learn to respect somebody that has a different view than we do. And then, with that respect and calmness, when we redirect our energy into another direction, it has the highest likelihood of success. Many times people will redirect their actions or try to just end the conversation abruptly of I'm not talking about that. And see that's abrasive. So, there's not the respect. The respect has been skipped. So many people are caught in recognizing something and then trying to change it or redirect it. And they are skipping the step that is most important, is to bring in the respect and the stillness within yourself before the redirection. So stay tuned and we're gonna get deeper and deeper into these highlights of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy and this wonderful family that we're dissecting.
[00:24:29] Aaron: Welcome everybody to the complete conversation. Part of this episode two. We're happy you were here. With us.
[00:24:37] Alexander: Yes, we are.
[00:24:38] Aaron: All right. Well, let's start from the top, Alexander, and let's go into Stan being in that more relaxed state and Janet asks him about the card. Was Janet having a lack of awareness there? I feel like maybe she may have seen him- [laughter] and maybe it's just a brother sister thing, but she saw him relax and maybe just had to poke at him right at that moment.
[00:24:59] Alexander: Well, I think this is a wonderful opportunity to come in and point out how most people just aren't aware of their environment. Because more than likely she has an agenda of the reason that she brought him there the night before was to be a buffer the next day, so she didn't have to deal with her mom herself. And so see, she's just waiting for the moment of that's really what the evening is focused around is her bringing up this card deal. And so that was a good of example of in the J.U.S.T. Philosophy we talk about, is this the optimal time? Is this the optimal person? Is this the optimal place? Have I already been talking about this long enough? The optimal duration. And to use those four questions when you're speaking to people helps you to keep it at a more conscious connection rather than your personality and ego taking over.
[00:25:49] And this was a great example of that it was the right person to ask, but it probably wasn't the ideal time to ask it. Because this doesn't seem to be something that Stan's real versed in, you know, it's almost like he was in a meditative state, but by no means is he coming across as that type of practitioner. So I think this is a little bit more of it caught everybody off guard, but it could have been utilized more optimally if Janet would've been more aware that her brother was in a different state. And that might be more important than her agenda.
[00:26:27] Aaron: Yeah, if her intentions were set differently- maybe she's just not aware of that practice yet. But if her intentions are for the overall good of everyone involved and the whole evening, and like the children are there too, that maybe she pulls Stan aside and says, "Do you want to talk about this tonight? Or even in private?" Right?
[00:26:46] Alexander: Sure, sure. Yeah. I mean that, that's a really good suggestion and you know, the way that it's set up, it's going to be like this fairly lengthly conversation rather than like, you just suggested. A little private, "Hey, is there anything that you wanna say about that card? Is it really a big deal or whatever?" And so the whole scenario kind of set it up for him to need to take a drink, for him to ask for something stronger than wine, you know, Michael to have to get involved. And again, we're gonna follow this and continue to see if this is an issue for Stan. But it certainly does seem to be connected to when his mom comes up. So, we have to be careful with labeling people sometimes too fast with a certain addiction or issue because of events that happen really close together.
[00:27:36] And so, when we're looking to truly help somebody again, to go through those four steps of, is this the optimal person? Is this the optimal time? Is this the optimal place? And have I already been discussing this long enough? The optimal duration. Those four questions will help save you in many, many exchanges with people. Because we gotta remember that we're all playing roles for each other, and these four questions is what helps to keep you out of playing an unconscious role and triggering someone.
[00:28:07] So I think that's very important to get out and something that was missed by Janet and the other two in this situation. But again, I think a big part of it was the agenda that Janet had and the reason for inviting him out an evening early.
[00:28:21] Aaron: And I, yeah, I did wanna talk about the roles for a little bit. It's interesting that I know in my experience, if I'm around certain people and if there's something that usually frustrates me that happens while I'm there, and somebody else gets frustrated, I no longer have to get frustrated and I actually end up playing the opposite role of trying to calm them down. [Mm-hmm] So that's just interesting. I don't know if you have anything to say about that.
[00:28:46] Alexander: Yeah. Yeah. Just being aware that we all do share energy. And through the Human Design we can break down and show you exactly where your empathic chakras or energy centers are or where you're putting energy out and actually affecting other people. So there's a responsibility that comes when you carry a certain kind of energy. And the more that you get conscious in understanding your Authentic Self, we can affect people in different ways and not come across so manipulating or aggressive. Just the same in the other direction of in areas where we're empathic. Like some people are emotionally empaths and it shows that the emotional center isn't activated in the Human Design. And we can understand this through a private session, if anyone's interested in that, or a little bit of research on the computer will help you out as well. But see, knowing these intricate details really help with how we communicate and how we interact and those roles that we're playing with people.
[00:29:47] And so self knowledge is a step above. But then when you can actually understand the people you're dealing with. Like, family members or people that you work with, or even friends and acquaintances, and you can understand their actual cosmic makeup, which is basically based around frequencies and the planets and how they affect us all differently. It can go a long way in really helping people to understand these roles that both they're playing and other people are playing. And in those roles, normally triggers are associated. And that's what I mean by roles is that people are playing roles to activate your triggers, and then you get sucked into playing roles for other people to activate their triggers. And the whole purpose of activating these triggers is to move through it and to come up with a different outcome. And that's a big part of what the J.U.S.T. Philosophy is about is those Three R's and that's what we're talking about. To be able to Recognize it, to be able to learn to show it Respect, and then to be able to learn to Redirect it over a long period of time.
[00:30:51] Aaron: In the first part, we briefly mentioned that Janet and Stan had not really discussed their mother in the years prior. And I thought there might be some listeners out there who can maybe identify with that. Maybe them and their siblings have had some events that have happened within their family and they just don't discuss it. So, I don't know what insight that you could offer into somebody in that situation.
[00:31:16] Alexander: Well, this can fall under the so-called label of avoidance, but sometimes it's easier to love people from afar. You know, I went through my own development at a certain point after I was given a message to stop trying to help my family. I needed to go through a period of time to where I needed to learn that I don't have to give my opinion to my family. I don't have to help them. I don't have to feel that they're mine to save. And I had to go through all of this. But really, I just wanted to be received by the people that I loved and that loved me. But that didn't happen naturally for me.
[00:31:55] So see, I'm all about adjusting to family and friends for your wellbeing, but at the same time, make sure you're not avoiding and running from. Because I took seven years from giving my opinion to any family member about any subject. And that was for me to work on my ego, get past the point of feeling like I need to or that I want to give a different view, to point out something different.
[00:32:23] And that was my personal practice to get past and learn non preference. And that I'm here to help the people that resonate with me and resonate with my language. I'm not here to prove it to people that are looking to prove something different to me. So see, this happens in families with the best of intentions. I didn't pull away completely physically. I didn't stop talking to them all. My personal work happened to be in learning to be around them and not needing to be recognized or heard. And that actually helped to develop tools that I needed to down the road- for what I do for my living now, to work and mentor people in changing their lives and working through large degrees of healing.
[00:33:09] It helps so much for them not to feel that push of you're trying to fix them. And so I can't speak enough about neutrality. Neutrality does not mean that you don't care about anything. It simply means that you can get to neutral really fast in any situation. Because it's only in that neutral that we see things with the highest consciousness. Otherwise, if we have any preference, we're seeing it through emotional goggles. And so it's affecting what we're seeing.
[00:33:39] So see, by me utilizing my family, because normally family irritate, or generate, or inspire people the most, the family. And many metaphysical people or so-called spiritual people, they can many times, or even religious people, can pull away from their family but they judge them. And they say, "Oh, now I'm doing something right. You guys don't know anything about this. You don't want to know anything about this and you're judging me too". And so there becomes this separation and that sounds like what they're experiencing here in this family. That nobody's really talking about it, but everybody's happy to not be involved with each other.
[00:34:19] And so that I do feel is following very close, if not dead on, avoidance. And no development comes out of avoidance. But if you're doing something different and still involving yourself around the people, but you're managing it differently so you have an opportunity to grow exponentially. So this is a very good topic. And I like to say, you know, utilize your family to help you grow the most. Cause when you can learn to manage your family, normally the external world isn't gonna be very much of a challenge at all.
[00:34:51] Aaron: Well, let's bring in the mother of the family Louise. [laughter] And her card, of course we talked about the glitter and it's just so ironic that she wants the whole past to be forgotten, but then she delivers it in a way where it can't be forgotten because it's always gonna be there, or at least for a long period of time, as much as he wants to vacuum it up. Hopefully it wasn't like in his car or something. That's always the trickiest part. So I wanted to bring in the whole, like lack of awareness. Where she really didn't put herself in his shoes at all. It was all, maybe self-focused. In the first part of the story she did seem very self-centered and just not aware of her actions and how they affect others.
[00:35:34] Alexander: Yes. Cause most people, especially people 50 and older, have been the way they are for so long that they've justified it so much that they don't see it as clearly how they affect people around them. They just simply see the reaction and then they act surprised, and "Why are you like this Stan? Stan, you know that I'm coming cuz you were here before I was. You know I always have gifts and that type of thing. When are you going to be a good son?" You know? And in that first story she says, I love you just the way you are". But that wasn't convincing. And so she's not really accepting, she's still resisting that, but she's trying to say the right thing. And so this is where authenticity comes in.
[00:36:19] And I think that this is a big part of Louise. Her demeanor or her aura, if you will, is that most people look at her as being self-centered. And maybe she's looked at herself as being self-centered. And this is a very important part, that when people are looking to move past guilt or shame, they want to project a different view. And, you know, there's more that she can do on her side but, the children could do more as well, because obviously there's something she's looking for, which is appreciation. And maybe the children are looking for recognition, but they're probably not going to get the recognition until she gets the appreciation. And they say, "Well, I'm not going to give her appreciation until she gives us recognition for everything that she's put us through".
[00:37:08] So see, this is a vicious cycle. So, at some point someone has to break that cycle. And you don't go in to break a cycle like that looking for an exchange of tit for tat. Many times, the person that initiates the change has to be willing to go through resistance over a fairly long period of time before any adjustments truly are made. So that's why I shared that my process was a seven-year process. And I was okay with that. I didn't know how long it was gonna be until I felt different. Until I no longer felt the need to be recognized, to be heard, because I was the youngest in my family and no one wanted to give me that recognition or that appreciation. And I was over here in the metaphysical world and the rest of my family was in a religious world. So see, I'm the one changing the program. And so that seven years wasn't too much for me because I was doing my self development work for me. And I'm allowing and learning to accept these people for exactly who they are, which is helping me to stay in the vibration of love longer, and longer, and longer and longer.
[00:38:19] And so, they helped to train me for what I was going to do for my living 15 years later down the road. So now my family is some of my biggest teachers and I celebrate them in that way and I don't have to use any negative rememberings to keep anything stimulated of what anybody did to me, cause I'm no victim. There was nothing they were doing to me, they were just giving me opportunities to grow past my personality self.
[00:38:53] And that's what seeking your Authentic Self takes you to, is you learn to release the family lineage and step into your cosmic makeup or that Divine makeup that you came in here as that purity. And that's what I call the work, is releasing the family lineage and stepping more into your Authentic Self. And that takes years to do. And the sooner that our listeners relax on the timeframes- we've been bamboozled and fooled to believe that things can be fixed quickly. And it's just more than been proven that that's just not the case. Gradual changes over long periods of time equals lasting results.
[00:39:33] Aaron: And you just touched upon it, but I want to dive deeper into the apology aspect of this, because if I was Stan, I need to know that Louise has even a sense of a feeling of what I've gone through because of what she did to me. Like, I need to know that she knows and I have to feel that very authentically.
[00:39:53] Alexander: Yes. And so in the way of explaining this, I'm gonna put myself in Louise's shoes, so to say and suggest what I see I would consider doing. And so I don't remember the exact age of Stan, but I think they're around late thirties or early forties. So let's just hypothetically say that it's been 38 years or so that he's been dealing with this, but the main time was zero to 18 years old. That's when he was under her roof and that type of thing, and then he's turned to avoiding it. So even if we take the 18 years and cut that in half to nine years, like I was saying, the holistic healing is a average understanding of half as long to correct it as it did to create it.
[00:40:38] And if me being in Louise's shoes, I would be willing to be rejected for up to nine years going consistently. Not obsessively. But maybe something like once every few months, every three or four months, to do another type of apology. Not another card, but maybe it starts with a card and doesn't ask for forgiveness in that first card. Just, " I wanna let you know that I feel really bad about the way that I treated you growing up. And I want you to know that I love you." See in that time, I'm not asking for forgiveness because I haven't shown you yet what I'm willing to do to right this so-called wrong.
[00:41:21] And then maybe three months later, it's invite them, or him, out to dinner or something and keep the conversation light. See putting yourself in vulnerability to be rejected- because that's what Stan basically felt his whole life is rejection. And if he didn't do exactly what she wanted, then she pulled her affection away. And so he was really caught that he had to live outside of his own makeup, so to say, to please his mother, and he could only do that for maybe up to about 10 or 11 years old. And then as teenage years and hormones come in, you start resisting the parent. And that willingness to continue to show up in a consistent basis, over a long period of time, showing your vulnerability, but maybe not bringing up the issue for a long time to see if it comes up organically.
[00:42:13] And hypothetically, if Stan in the, say the second meeting, three months after the card, they were having dinner and he just brought it up by the blue and said, "Mom, I still feel like I am trying to heal stuff that you traumatized me with, by the way you pulled your affection away". You know, rather than her going through any kind of justification to just accept and to share something like, " I have been so embarrassed for so long, looking back at how I did that, ever since I've had this realization. And I just want you to know that I'm not gonna ask for your forgiveness once again, but I hope that you can feel my sincere deep regret of putting you through that."
[00:42:56] And see this process over a period of time builds that trust back. And that's what is happening here is that seeing somebody that is truly willing to not ask for forgiveness right away, but be willing to show up vulnerable, willing to take rejection, really willing to take criticizing, to eventually you will prove to that person that you're not who you used to be. But again, giving it years to develop and being consistent. Cause to see it's the consistency that's so important. Consistency is what builds trust in kids and adults over longer periods of time, rather than wanting to resolve it too quick.
[00:43:37] Aaron: And then if you're somebody who's in Stan's position, there's definitely work that he could do on his end to work on his forgiveness. And, you know, he can see his parents as you know, they were doing the best or all they knew how to do for him. Right?
[00:43:51] Alexander: Yeah. I like to say that most parents are doing their best. That doesn't mean they couldn't do better, but most parents are only building off of what they were taught. So they're very limited with information or experience. And so yes, accepting that is a big step to self-healing. The next step is him accepting who his mom has been and who his mom still is. And I'm not saying that he should cater to his mom and be there every time she pulls up like she requests, but he could upon seeing her go initiate a contact and a hug and a nice recognition and appreciation for her.
[00:44:34] See, there's a balance in there that I'm not suggesting he do what she wants and just please her. But if he listens to her, he can get clear on what she's really looking for and find his own original way to provide that very quickly to not go through all of the judgment. So see, he could be standing in his power and nipping all that in the bud by creating an action, rather than waiting for her to do what he goes, "Oh, you just wait, she'll do this tomorrow and blah, blah, blah". And then some people would say that he's manifesting that. And that's not necessarily my language, but he is part of creating the energy of it. And the more somebody talks about something, you just keep it stirred up, the more likely it is to happen.
[00:45:21] So this is a great opportunity, if I put myself in Stan's shoes, to smile at the mother and internally just say, "See, there you are. And I don't need, or want you to be any different. Because what you've done is you've taught me one way and I have the opportunity to make sure with my children, or my friends, or my family, or my relationship, that I do a different way." And so normally people are in extremes. They're in either in extreme following the family lineage and doing exactly what the mother and father did or going to too much of an extreme and doing the exact opposite with their kids. Which in this situation would probably be smothering, enabling. And so see, we keep trauma going generation after generation, but many times it skips a so-called generation. It's just flip flopping one to the other. Some people like to say that there's not enough affection and then there's too much affection, then there's not enough, and then there's too much. And there's just this Seesaw. And I like to suggest that there's somewhere in the middle. Like go to and feel what that extreme would be and then pull back a little bit and try to be in the middle of those two extremes and practice that consistently over a long period of time. And it's a high likelihood you'll get optimal results.
[00:46:44] Aaron: What would it look like if Louise believed her apology or felt that she was ready to apologize on all Five Levels?
[00:46:53] Alexander: Well, again, it would more than likely take time for that to all develop. But, we can go through them that like on the physical level, many times that's a gift. Just buying the person the gifts and she's already known as that gift giver. And so see that can be seen as a default of hers that she always feels like she needs to give gifts to people when she goes to their homes, because she's more than likely like, uh, failed them or judged them in the past. And so that's that level. And then the mental level is this idea of that I can just say I'm sorry and you've only got the option to accept or not, and I'm gonna move forward regardless. That's like a mindset going into it and that's kind of the mindset that she's in. And then the emotional side of it is showing that pain. Showing the regret and being willing to feel- even those emotions she's carrying. The shame, the blame, the guilt. And see, I'm not saying to wallow in that, but show it to the person that you're looking to apologize to. Show them that you're willing to feel that ugliness, because they had to feel it at some point in time.
[00:48:07] And then, energetically, it's just that you're showing that you're showing up. So you're not avoiding and the opposite of avoiding is being present. So energetically, you're not distracted by, you know, your phone or the environment of what's going on. You're truly interested in being there with the person and sharing energy with them. And you're prepared to be vulnerable that this may not be the most comfortable energy, but I'm willing to be in this with this person to show them how much I care.
[00:48:41] And then the spiritual level of forgiveness is the non-judgment and the part of not needing them to be different than they are. To feel confident in that if I show a different example, that the people around me will learn in an optimal way, rather than me talking to them and trying to tell them what they should change.
[00:49:05] I still stand very firmly that it's the example that teaches much more than the mind and the mouth. But the example needs time, so that's why this true forgiveness work, no matter which side you're on, takes more time than most people realize. And again, people we're in no hurry here. Slow down. Everything's going to be okay. And we just need to remember to breathe. Use your breath exercise that I suggest of before you engage in any interaction with anybody on any of those levels to learn to take a breath. And learn to have that pause in your life, cause that pause can keep you from reaction and can help you to stay in response rather than reaction.
[00:49:51] Aaron: On the emotional level, you mentioned not needing somebody to accept your forgiveness. And I feel like self forgiveness also comes in there because in order to have that perspective, I think, of not needing that person, you have to work on your self forgiveness, so you don't need. There's no attachment to whatever they decide.
[00:50:13] Alexander: Yeah. And that self forgiveness comes directly from learning the lesson that, you know, no matter what you've done- and all of us have done things that we're not proud of, that we're embarrassed of, but the term I like to use is "No Mas". When you can see it so clearly on those three levels of the Three R's. I Recognize it, I've learned to Respect it, I've stopped judging it. I actually did this in the past and now I'm moving forward. "No Mas." I will never do that again. I will set an example for everyone around me of the correct way to move forward in this way.
[00:50:47] And see, we can't grow and change until we recognize that we failed. But in that failure, we don't have to judge ourselves if we're willing to grow. Because the failure is just giving us the opportunity to act and to see it on all Five Levels in a different manner. And if we practice that, then that should be enough, but it's the same external. We can only work internal to the level we work external.
[00:51:17] So same thing with anyone that you may be aware of that has committed a crime. See if that person committed a crime and they paid their due, then I don't happen to feel that they should be judged for that for the rest of their life. This is how community can work without judgment, but it can't necessarily work without rules. So see, I'm fine with rules, but the judgment doesn't have to come with the rule. If you break a rule, then this is the payment. It's very similar, connecting it to children, that we don't need to make the children afraid of us or make them feel like we're mad at them to get the lesson in. This breaks my heart every time I see it, cuz you can talk to a child even a seven year old, five year old, almost like an adult and show that you're not upset, but this is the cost for you doing that. And every time you do this, this is what you're going to get. But I love you.
[00:52:14] See, too much of the authoritative energy has been perverted from the masculine energy. And that's why that's not Divine masculine, but Divine masculine is stern. It is consistent. It is communicative, but it doesn't have to be negatively emotional. But that gets tied up with so much of our culture in the way that they look at authority.
[00:52:35] So I'm a proponent of showing people and teaching people that everything has a cost. But I don't have to judge you when you're paying that cost or after you pay the cost. And so I think that that is a whole podcast within itself, but I hope that that little bit of touching on that really helps people, especially with this forgiveness. And remember as within, so without. So as you're working on self forgiveness to work on accepting others for exactly who and what they are without judgment is imperative. You can't work on one without working on the other, or you're not working on one as well as you think that you are. So to expediate that process, we always wanna work internally and externally simultaneously.
[00:53:20] Aaron: So Janet offering Stan an alternative perspective on what Louise could be going through towards the end, when he was just starting to get heated, how could that have been handled better? Assuming that she was trying to be helpful, but it may not have been the right time.
[00:53:34] Alexander: Well, an example of meeting somewhere where they are. You know, she could have started off with, "Well Stan, you know that mom drives me crazy too. And her shenanigans and yes her being a poor mother and that kind of thing. But I'm working to at least accept that she's trying something different. I'm not saying that I buy that all of this stuff is going to work, but brother at least she's trying and she's not just sticking her head in the sand and just saying, "Well, this is who I am and that's it". Because with that person, you're not gonna get much of anywhere, but at least she's trying. And I think that that's what Janet wanted to bring up, but she didn't meet Stan where he was and there was too much of a gap there and it made it look like she's choosing Louise's side, just like Louise accused her of in the first story of taking Stan's side.
[00:54:28] So this is the art that I'm talking about that Janet has to be that mediator and all you mediators out there in the world, pay attention to that. That if you are able to tweak your ability slightly to meet the person where they are, when you're talking to them, and then slowly shift back to what you originally wanted to say, I think you'll be much more successful.
[00:54:52] Aaron: Awesome point there. And then we'll bring in Stan around the projection that he was kind of making at the end, where he's so close to acceptance. If we identify doing something similar, how can we get over that hump and bring in acceptance?
[00:55:06] Alexander: Well, recognize right away that, you know, the judgment's there and that's why he's projecting and saying, "You watch, she's going to do this, blah, blah, blah", rather than going, "Sister, I love you and I'm glad that we have what we have and I love our mom. But she's failed in many areas, but I truly accept her for who she is. And anytime that she does want to change and try to improve herself, I certainly hope that I can support her in doing that. Whether I agree with it or not". And see, there's a different energy there than when somebody is in the resistance. And that's why I talk about acceptance so much on this podcast, is that it's about your vibration. And anything that you resist in this world creates energetic blockages within your field. Acceptance doesn't create any blockages, but just because you accept does not mean that you condone or approve of.
[00:56:02] So see, Stan doesn't have to condone or prove of his mom's actions or saying that the way that she raised him was good. I don't wanna get into all of that positive affirmation. But he can just choose to see that well, she did do like the best that she knew how, and anytime that she wants to grow I would love to do that with her, but I thank her for playing a role in my life to give me an example of what not to do. And now hopefully I won't go to an extreme and just over enable my children, or my friends, or my relationship. I wanna make sure that I don't go to that extreme either. And I see that there is the most beneficial path maybe in the middle of those two extremes, but see many times our parents or anyone-- you know, one of the five main pillars of this work is everyone in every situation can be your teacher, but you've gotta want it to be your teacher. And so in that situation, when you choose for everything and everybody to be your teacher, you have to be outta judgment to learn. If you're in judgment, you're not learning.
[00:57:09] So that's why that step of the middle R, show Respect, is once again for your self preservation of your energy. It's not allowing other people to be right. But guess what? I'll allow any person to be right about any subject on this planet that I'm talking to before I allow it to interfere with my energetic field. Because see if they're that polar opposite of me they're not interested in my view anyway. So the self preservation thing is to be able to be clear that you're clear in your view. And you're only clear in your view when the opposite view does not affect you. And you can discuss your view to the opposite view in opposition and not get emotional about it.
[00:57:53] That's conscious communication. Because remember we're on the plane of polarity people. So to whatever extent you have a view, there has to exist the same extent of the opposite view. It has to exist. So to try to think that you're going to convince everyone on the planet to see things the way that you do-- no religious, spiritual person, nobody has been able to do that. And this is where so many people get stuck in frustration and bitterness and resentment. And they're only deteriorating their own energetic field, which eventually deteriorates the physical body.
[00:58:32] Aaron: In the past, I have been guilty of trying to find acceptance for a situation but it gets stuck like mentally. Like mentally I accept it, but I don't eventually accept it on all Five Levels. And then ultimately it still is creating an emotional reaction inside of me. So how could Stan-- cuz it seems like Stan is close to that mental, but he has to go through the process and all Five Levels. How could he do that?
[00:58:59] Alexander: Well, the biggest step is, the Grand-Daddy poobah is, the Spiritual level and it's non-judgment. When you're working on acceptance, that's the telltale that if you're still in any kind of judgment, if you think they're supposed to be or should be, or you want them to be, any different than they are, you're not accepting. And I know many people get stuck in that. I've heard so many people to say that, "Well, I accept 'em the way they are, but they still really bother me. [laughter] And I try to get across you're not really accepting. Or I accept the way they are but my stomach's been hurting all day. You're not truly accepting. And that means that there's still judgment there of, "Okay, you're the way you are. I don't like it but, I'm accepting you are the way you are".
[00:59:44] That's not true acceptance. It has to be that I accept you the way you are and I don't need or want you to be any different. Because all you're doing is strengthening me in who I am. No matter what you do, whether you agree with me or whether you bring the opposite view, it should be the same effect. But see, everybody's looking for everyone to agree with them. And you're not going to grow through that. So be willing to talk to somebody that has a completely different view and see how long you can manage your emotions. And as soon as you start to get aggravated, I mean, as soon as you start to feel any frustration, redirect the conversation to another subject. And that becomes the art of subtle energy work.
[01:00:32] And the Three R's are such a huge part of this, of being able to Recognize it, being able to show it Respect, and then be able to Redirect it. I think this has been a wonderful breakdown of a first stage of looking at both, some successes that they had and some opportunities to grow deeper. I certainly feel like there's so many listeners that can relate to one or multiple of the characters. So the intention of this podcast is rolling out very organically and very nice. I appreciate everything, all the questions that you brought today.
[01:01:07] Aaron: Yeah. And I'm really juicing on this format. I love having a story to talk about and direct all of our observations and diving deeper to help everybody. And I especially love the music that you put in the background. I think it's a really cool addition. So that's another thing you can add onto your resume.
[01:01:23] Alexander: Right on!
[01:01:23] Aaron: All right, everyone. Appreciate you all for subscribing. And we'll see you on the next story edition.
[01:01:31] Alexander: Much Love, everyone.