In this third installment of the Inward Journey story series, we ride along with Stan and Stevie on their way home from the recent family gathering. During their traveling tension arises and we peer into the way they interact with conflict. This leads us to discussing themes such as conflict strategies of some, leaning into the friction and begin healing when past emotional trauma is brought up and how we tend to play roles of our significant other’s parents in our romantic relationships and how to step out of those roles.
Story written by: Aaron Keith
Story read by: Claire Glover
Music by: Alexander
[00:00:20] Aaron: Thank you for joining us for another episode of Wise Whys Inward Journey, and for sharing your personal self growth journey with us.
[00:00:29] Now, we are about to get into the third episode where we join Stan and Stevie on their way home from a crazy weekend where the three generations of the Winthrops met at Michael and Janet's house. This included the matriarch, Louise, who, after a recent revelation of how poorly she treated her children Stan and Janet in the past, is now asking for forgiveness and to sort of quickly bury the memories of it all. She did this through a passive aggressive card to Stan, sending glitter everywhere to which he was not very happy about. But now we get to peek into Stan and Stevie's relationship a little more intimately and how their characters continue to further develop.
[00:01:12] If you have appreciated the depth to which we discuss how these characters can bring in more consciousness and the step by step practical tools and techniques that we have been discussing here, then don't sleep on the complete conversation we got going on in this one, or any of them. Join our premium membership now by going to Wisewhyspodcast.com and clicking on the get complete button in the main navigation, and let's continue digging deep.
[00:01:42] If you are ready to take your self development practice seriously, we have over 110 past episodes of content for you to use to help You become more emotionally responsible, practice consciously communicating, and eventually yielding abundance in your personal relationships.
[00:02:03] And don't forget about the self! Your relationship with yourself will flourish and a new level of contentment will emerge.
[00:02:11] Let's do this everyone! Let's inward journey together.
[00:02:16] Storyteller: Wise Whys - Inward Journey
[00:02:28] Episode 3: The Ride Home
[00:02:32] "Oh my! Wow!" Stevie exclaimed as her eyes met the final moments of the sunset's rich hues of magenta and purple. Stevie sat up with a "Look!" and then dramatically pointed her hand toward the front of the car as if Stan, who was driving, was not seeing what was directly in front of him. At about the same moment, their decade old SUV hit a poorly filled pothole causing an erratic jerk to the right. The sudden movement of the car caused Stevie's finger to hit the windshield, leaving a greasy smear on the recently cleaned glass.
[00:03:12] "Stevie, come on! Why did you do that?! Of course, I can see it. I'm driving ain't I!" Stan responded in a tense and elevated voice.
[00:03:23] Stevie's smile faded as the joyful energy of her celebration escaped her. She sat back and crossed her arms. Focusing her gaze onto the road ahead, she restricted eye contact with Stan after feeling squashed by his overly masculine tone. Her mind drifted internally, and she began to question why she deserved to be talked to in that manner. Thoughts of how her dad would yell at her for laughing too loud as a child began to form and she desperately tried to shove them back down.
[00:03:54] After his outburst, Stan too, became withdrawn. His eyes tried to focus more intently on the road before him as his mind began to process what had just happened. It bothered him when he had these types of outbursts especially when they were directed at Stevie, who most of the time, wasn't the source of the issue.
[00:04:14] Five minutes into their shared silence, Stan knew this one was on him. Even though his ego fought back in protest, he pushed himself into an apology.
[00:04:25] "Look, I'm really sorry for talking to you that way," he uttered.
[00:04:29] Stevie remained silent as she stared down at her fingers, which began to fidget around her wedding ring, twisting it back and forth as she processed Stan's words.
[00:04:39] "We are in the mountains," Stan continued. "There are deer everywhere. It's dangerous and I'm tired after spending the past two days around everyone, including my mother. I just want... to get home."
[00:04:54] Stevie's silence continued. Inside her though, some thoughts were forming. Thoughts she knew would be frictional if she shared them. She contemplated on how they would both do just about anything to avoid dealing with conflict head on. Yet, when one person lit the torch for battle, their minds seemed to take it as an open invitation to unload everything that was being conjured up. As if it were better to get it over with all at once.
[00:05:22] At that moment, Stevie let out a burst of energy, breaking the silence. "Why do you let your mother talk to you in that way? It's demeaning. No, it's emasculating!"
[00:05:34] Stan's ears suddenly deafened upon hearing Stevie's stern criticism. His eyes became dilated and his grip tightened on the steering wheel. The pace of his heart quickened at twice the speed he was currently driving. Without contemplating further, he shouted out in reaction, "Do you think I want to be talked to in that way? That I'm somehow asking for it, begging for it? How is it my fault that my mother has shamed and berated me since I was a child?"
[00:06:03] "I just don't understand why you allow it," Stevie said back in a more normal tone. After seeing how animatedly Stan answered her, she decided that maybe she didn't have the energy to continue this conversation.
[00:06:17] "Nevermind," she relinquished. "We're just tired."
[00:06:22] Stan noticed Stevie's retreating and this allowed him the space to reflect on what she had just said. The idea that he allowed his mother to treat him that way was just not rational. In his mind, the way he communicated with his mother made it clear that he was not accepting of her attempts to dismantle his masculinity in any way.
[00:06:42] "Regarding my mother," Stan began. "That's just the way it's always been."
[00:06:48] At this moment, he paused and took a breath in, then exhaled with an audible sigh. "I don't know, I think I'm more distracted about this new job coming up. You know how I am about to get to know a new contractor."
[00:07:03] Stan's job as a freelance electrician introduced him to a new boss with every project he worked on. This upcoming project felt more challenging than usual because the head contractor is a woman. Thinking about the situation often made a pit form in the area of his solar plexus, but he never had the understanding of why this was.
[00:07:23] Stevie, curious about Stan's current emotional state, interrupted his contemplation with, "You don't think that..."
[00:07:32] They both shared a moment of silence as she paused, choosing her words carefully in order to not add any more friction.
[00:07:39] "You don't think that this new job with a new contractor, Rita, is possibly bringing up any sort of association with..."
[00:07:47] She paused again, and then noticed Stan dipping his head in a forward motion encouraging Stevie to finish asking her question.
[00:07:55] "With your mother?" she blurted out.
[00:07:58] Stan immediately reacted by denying the allegations with a "Noooo..." but then caught himself just as it left his lips. His mind began to churn and compare the two women. Both were in power situations in relation to him. Both were in a place of possibly judging him. He also identified with fueling the need to impress or get approval from them.
[00:08:22] "Hmm. Stevie, you may be onto something there."
[00:08:26] Stan felt tension in his shoulders and chest melt away as they shared this moment of intrigue. Stevie sensed this and felt a little more at ease. She was relieved her question didn't stir up the energy into a more explosive situation. She had a way of often bringing up the wrong questions at the wrong time, especially when Stan was least likely to resonate with a challenge to his perspective. However, this time seemed to be a success.
[00:08:53] Feeling a closer connection with her husband, she placed her hand on his knee and relaxed her body. Her eyes closed as she exhaled softly and entered into a state of reflection.
[00:09:06] Her thoughts rewound to the week before when she had her first interaction with her new neighbor, Rio. She revisited the initial introduction and how it wound up a three-hour conversation where they shared some vulnerable details about their lives. Stevie confided in Rio, sharing some of her frustration around Louise. Relating to the situation, Rio offered some of their experiences with managing their own mother-in-law around past issues where boundaries were overstepped.
[00:09:33] Stevie remembered being in awe hearing how easy Rio made it sound.
[00:09:39] "Simply informing your boundaries without needing to get emotional or turning it into an argument? Sounds like a dream!" she exclaimed to herself.
[00:09:48] Just as she was caught up in her internal dialogue, a light bulb burst in her mind as she made an important connection. The subconscious actions she's been taking the last few days to, not just avoid conflict but to alleviate it, have been inspired by her interaction with Rio. This might be a total life changer!
[00:10:08] "Now," she thought, "if I can only figure out what I did and how to actually do it consciously."
[00:10:15] A smile overcame her neutral expression as she giggled internally in amusement. "Why doesn't everyone know about this?" her internal voice whispered into the universe. "And where did Rio learn this wizardry? This is something I need more of."
[00:10:39] Aaron: Wow, Alexander. So, I feel a little exposed here because that felt like a large or the majority part of my life, having those interactions with people, whether it be a family member or a romantic relationship. I feel like maybe we'll get into it a little later, but maybe there's a similar communication style or the way I interact with conflict that Stevie and Stan also have similar traits there.
[00:11:06] Alexander: Yes. And, I think that is hopefully what we're looking for most of our listeners to connect to, and to be able to relate to certain characters and certain situations. And although all of this is completely fictional of course, we have all both had our experiences, and I'm sure that those experiences, you know, both our failures and our successes will continue to show up in these characters and that relatability will continue to develop for the characters for others to connect with.
[00:11:35] Aaron: So let's first start off with Stan. They're driving back from the interaction where they drove to Janet Michael's house. They had that day when Louise came over and even though they had some tense moments when Louise first came, it did seem to end on a redirected note where Stevie was able to redirect it where they had wine and the sunset.
[00:11:58] So now, they're on their way home the next day, and Stan is on edge from his new job and his interaction with his mom. And Stevie is being joyful and playful and she points out the sunset and it's funny how the universe causes these things to happen. He hits a pothole and her finger smears the windshield, and then he kind of hits that point where he has an external reaction towards her, and it wasn't really caused by something she necessarily did.
[00:12:28] Alexander: Yeah. And I think part of the discussion coming up will be around that it's helpful when people realize that everyone doesn't handle groups of people the same. And here Stevie's able to leave in a joyful mood, but Stan's carrying a heaviness. And this could be for many different reasons and that's gonna be the fun of this follow-up discussion. But, really just starting here with everybody recognizing that we're all very different in how we process things and the experiences that we have. And this is possibly an energetic thing to where Stan's just completely depleted through this weekend and the roles that he played. So I think that Stevie does a pretty good job about making a couple of adjustments and Stan does as well. And it's gonna be really fun breaking all this down to where they were able to overcome it and still have a decent ride home. And so we do wanna point out those wins as well. That even in some of most people's dysfunction, there are still these types of wins that can miraculously come around and that's some beauty we wanna point out as well.
[00:13:36] Aaron: Yeah. They may not know why they happen, but this is what we're doing here on the podcast is to show you how to consistently be able to have those "quote" wins.
[00:13:45] Alexander: Yeah, well said.
[00:13:46] Aaron: So next, Stevie has an emotional reaction after Stan yells at her and she is able to internally connect it to, or it reminded her of, when her father would yell at her for laughing. And so it's interesting that there's that connection where she was being joyful and pointing out the sunset or childlike, and then if she's laughing as a child, she's kind of in that same energy. And there's like authoritative or masculine energy kind of squashing that part of her.
[00:14:16] Alexander: Yes. And this is so very common in most intimate relationships. That's the initial role that we're playing for each other is the reflection of one or both of the parents. And this is our individual work to overcome being so sensitive to those associations. And this is the beauty of conscious communication and working with a partner in a conscious relationship to understand that we're going to trigger each other from situations from our past. But the beauty is, is that when you know that you're working with somebody that loves you and only has your best interest at heart, you have the opportunity to not only recognize it, but learn to respect it, as we've discussed on the previous episode. And then we're going to continue in the extended version of this episode to get into how to redirect it. But these recognitions are very important and, you know, Stan, later was helped out by her mentioning that possibly his anxiety about this new contractor could be connected to his mom. So this is a wonderful opportunity for both of them to see the roles that they are playing for each other. And this is so, so common in relationships.
[00:15:30] Aaron: Yeah. Throughout this part of the story in the scenario, there was a lot of back and forth conflict where it seemed like both of them kind of demonstrated the same style of how they handled conflict. Which was like not saying anything, avoiding conflict until it builds up internally until they just can't handle it anymore, and something happens and they immediately just blurt out everything that's on their mind. And then after that they have a release and it's like the pressure was released and it almost allows space for some consciousness to come in, if you can like be at peace after that release. But if there's a couple where they continue arguing back and forth that may never happen because you're just bringing up stuff in the past to refill that frustration, right?
[00:16:18] Alexander: Yes. And this is a great spot to bring in the tools that we utilize in this philosophy of the Destiny Card numerology system and the Human Design system. And these are traits of five profile numbers. There are six different numbers in the profiles, one through six, and fives avoid conflict and just basically what you just described. They hold back, hold back to avoid that conflict, and then there's an explosion.
[00:16:46] So yes, when you get two of those together, it can be very tumultuous because they're just activating each other over and over. And so, as the story goes on, there's gonna be deeper and deeper understanding of what is these characters true Divinely made traits, or given traits, based off of these astrological systems and which traits are traits they've picked up through their family lineage, through their environment. And that's really what this Philosophy is all about is separating those two things. What is yours and what is what you have picked up? And that is a big step in the self development, especially how the J.U.S.T. Philosophy views it. And we're going to get deeper and deeper into shining more light on these situations and how to optimally approach them.
[00:17:36] Aaron: Yeah. That's probably why I resonated with this whole episode, because I am a three-five profile, so I do have that energy and I can recognize that in myself and this philosophy has helped me to recognize that and also around those corners of it so that I'm not just reacting all the time.
[00:17:54] Alexander: Well said, Yes.
[00:17:55] Aaron: And next we have where Stevie asks Stan how he allows his mother to talk to him like that, and that was very aggressive. Again, like this is going back to that five profile, where they're going back and forth. I felt like that was very aggressive or accusational. How is Stan supposed to react to that if he's already in this sort of edge mood and the energy is kind of 'yikes'. And then she's all of a sudden, like, well, why do you allow this? And that's almost making it seem like it's his fault that she talks to him like that.
[00:18:26] Alexander: Sure. And then of course, to him, that's another authoritative female coming at him that he's already worried about the contractor. He's just dealt with two days around his mom. And so that's a great example of it's just not the right time. And when we go through," Is this the optimal time? Is this the optimal place? Is this the optimal person? Have we already been discussing it long enough? Is it the optimal duration?" Those four points are gonna be so useful in conscious communication. And we introduced these in the last episode and we're gonna be repeating lots of certain key points of this philosophy because it needs to be heard over and over in these tools to be utilized very consistently to learn to step out of being triggered, like you were talking about, and be able to have the experience. To recognize what it's connected to, but you don't have an external or internal reaction. You learn to respond to these triggers. And that's what we're all about here at the Whys Whys Podcast and discussing our true life situations as well as these fictional type of situations.
[00:19:37] Aaron: And so you did already touch upon how Stevie was able to make that connection of Stan's mother issues playing a role in how he's viewing that upcoming job. And even like you just mentioned Stevie coming at him in that energy. So it was interesting that she shoved down her own reflection of her dad, like an avoiding sort of way, but in this one she was able to bring it up to Stan.
[00:20:04] Alexander: Yes. And what happens very commonly is when something comes up for a person emotionally, and they've got an opportunity to work on it, many times they will project out the energy because it's easier to project and to judge something externally than it is to process something internally.
[00:20:23] So again, this is a key aspect for people to remember that the more that you want to be external, the more the opportunity is for you to overcome something internal. And so this is where we have discussed many times how important structure and discipline is, and this is where that will be discussed in more detail, of course, in the extended version. And hopefully give people very deep insight in how to use everyday life to process these emotions.
[00:20:52] Aaron: So those are the five main things that we are going to go deeper on in the premium version of this, but I did wanna touch upon some of the wins or positives that happened. I felt like Stan apologizing so soon after the initial blowup.
[00:21:08] Alexander: Yeah, really good.
[00:21:08] Aaron: Um, that was good, cuz usually that might take a little while, or at least his ego might get in the way, where I know for me, like I would recognize it, but I may not apologize right away.
[00:21:17] Alexander: Sure.
[00:21:18] Aaron: So I felt like that was good for him. And then overall at the end, I felt like they were able to come together as a team and consciously see some roles that people were playing in their lives to trigger certain events.
[00:21:30] Alexander: Yes. And just being open, like you were saying, Stan being open, it seems that he is building a trust with Stevie to help guide him through these emotional situations. And she's just maybe needing to work on her delivery. And, I think both of 'em have a lot of potential.
[00:21:47] Aaron: And then I also felt like we couldn't end this sort of episode without mentioning Rio, because I feel like we're gonna hear more about that interaction that Stevie had with her new neighbors. Especially Rio and how Rio is becoming an influence in Stevie's life and bringing in some of these principles of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy, and how her learning these will kind of ripple out with all the other characters in this.
[00:22:12] Alexander: Yes. And I think that both Rio and Haven will be up in a episode very soon and we'll get more of a background and understanding of the connection that Stevie has made and the shifts and the ripples, as you call them, that is gonna ripple out and affect many, many people. So we invite everyone to the Complete Conversation and we thank you all for listening to us up to this point and hope it's been enjoyable and useful. Blessings.
[00:22:37] Aaron: All right. We're back on the premium side, Alexander. Good to be with you on this end. I love-
[00:22:41] Alexander: Absolutely.
[00:22:42] Aaron: - diving deeper into these subjects. But let's first start out with Stan. At the beginning, he's on edge from his interaction with his mother and all this stress about his new job, and he kind of takes it out on Stevie after she's trying to bring in some joyfulness into the ride home. And there's unfortunately a pothole that the universe brings in to have this sort of interaction, which causes Stan to take out his stress that's building up inside of him, out on Stevie.
[00:23:09] I wanted to ask how would Stan or somebody in this situation optimally be able to handle this sort of buildup? Cause I feel like even though we did talk about it as maybe a Five thing, or something that I live with because I am a Five, and I think normal people have this sort of buildup from everyday stress. And how do we manage this on a day to day basis so it doesn't end up turning into this?
[00:23:32] Alexander: Well, great question. And when we introduce the idea of Stan possibly being a Five profile in the Human Design, there's actually two numbers. And here we may have something being set up to where Stan may be a 5/1, and the One aspect I carry, and that's needing a lot of alone time to process things. And not enjoying being around lots of people, or even a few people, over long periods of time.
[00:23:59] So for One's, alone time is extremely important. And it seems that Stevie is a little bit more of a social person and many times that can be either a Six are very social, Fours carry a certain type of social and then Threes and Twos also carry some social energies.
[00:24:22] So seeing that conflict, that again to, as I mentioned earlier, that we all process things differently. And that Stan may have been in a completely different mood if the drive home would've been able to been mostly in silence, because he may be processing then. But she, unfortunately, in this situation, was poorly received when she was just excited. But I think everyone can relate when they're serious or they're thinking about something that's going on and they're doing something like driving then even playfulness that can be loving can be distracting, it can be startling. And again, that's not that either one of them did anything wrong. And that's what we want to help people to see that it's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's just seeing that you're on different frequencies, so to say. And to be able to recognize this in intimate relationships, or just in general in your connections to people, will save so much of this emotional reactions that we're talking about happening.
[00:25:25] So that's one of the main things for people to just see from the relationship standpoint. And the other is, as you were asking, how can Stan let that go? More than likely, he just needs to be able to communicate that he needs some processing time. So, maybe at the beginning of the trip, he could communicate that with Stevie and say," Listen, Honey, I love you. And I'm so glad that you're with me on this drive back. But it's been a long weekend and I just need a little while to just be in silence and process some of it." And then she has the right to say, "Okay, wonderful. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna be over here in my own little energy, playful. I feel lighthearted. I'm enjoying the sun". And there's nothing wrong with those polarities, that they're different. But it's the communication that really is so important. And normally it's the one that wants to be more serious, I feel like, is carrying the responsibility to communicate that. Cause many times the ones that are being playful, they're more spontaneous. They're just more in the moment. And in this situation, it seemed like he just needed some downtime to process.
[00:26:33] Aaron: Yeah. I don't know if this is a masculine thing, but I also feel like exhibiting the masculine energy of this sort of thing, you don't want people to know that you're taking on stress. Like you want people to think that you can handle it, and so you almost overcompensate by that by thinking you're okay and you don't need to communicate when you really do or should.
[00:26:55] Alexander: Yes. And this is very common in the masculine energy. Again, we're not talking about gender per se, but in the masculine energy, you know, you don't show that weakness. You don't go into your feelings or your emotions. And so this is what creates that stuffing vibration, which creates eventually an explosion. And that's why the masculine energy can be seen very negatively. As being negatively forceful in that way. And unfortunately there's many examples of that. But there's a Divine masculine that is able to overcome those negative aspects and redirect them in a beneficial and useful manner. And that's what we highlight here on the Wise Wise Podcast, both the Divine feminine and the Divine masculine and how both of them are useful and necessary.
[00:27:44] Aaron: I can really see Stan as a 5/1. Just the way he kind of, lacks the overall interaction when a lot of people are around. He's on his own a lot.
[00:27:54] Alexander: Yes. Yes. He's reserved and observant and probably very empathic that he doesn't understand taking on other people's energy. And see, Stevie may not be as empathic. So she's able to brush off those events much easier. Plus it's not her parent that she's dealing with. He's just dealt with a whole lot more of the family lineage. And of course she's on the outskirts, but you did see her avoidance when her father's stuff come up.
[00:28:24] So again, this is where having sympathy and empathy for people of where they're at and being able to communicate that is so important at any given time to make sure things aren't misconstrued. And that's certainly what happens is they get into a little bit of projection back and forth. And both of them feel judged by the other. And many times this turns out very ugly and needs a lot of time to pass. But this one somehow organically worked itself out and we were thankful for that in this situation.
[00:28:55] Aaron: Yeah. Let's get into Stevie recognizing that her father yelling at her for being joyful or laughing is something that she connected to Stan kind of squashing her joy for seeing the sunset and pointing it out. I know that in the recognization segment that you got into wanting to bring in the parental role that organically happens in a romantic relationship.
[00:29:16] Alexander: So in most intimate relationships, there are projections and reflections of each individual's parents. And normally the parent that the individual has the most issue with is the trigger that their partner will activate very often. So hypothetically, if it is a female and she had a very poor relationship with her father or the father wasn't around, many times that makes them carry a lot of insecurity, a lot of safety issues, and they can be challenging to communicate with, because they've had to solve things themselves and they had to set up their own type of discipline. So then when their authoritative partner comes at them, they're not skilled at how to manage that type of authority. So it can cause them to go into a defense mechanism. And very similarly, if their father was very authoritative, then it triggers, more than likely, an emotional reaction from that aspect.
[00:30:25] So the main reason of bringing this up is to realize that when you experience a negative emotion from something that not just your partner shares with you, but anyone in your field, it's very helpful to know what that is activating and then to utilize it over time to slowly disengage the intensity of that. Because the emotions are very similar to children. We shouldn't put all of our efforts into the first time we correct a, say a five to seven year old, that something that they do wrong because they're gonna do it wrong again. And this is where many parents fail is that they feel like they should be able to tell a five or seven year old, or any age, something one time and they get it logically and that they should never do that again. And that's again, only one level of our Five Levels of Wellness; The Physical, Mental, Emotional, Energetic, and Spiritual. And so they can get it on the Mental level, but that doesn't mean that they are able to process it through the other four.
[00:31:28] So this brings us back to the roles that we play in each other's lives. And to see that rather than your partner or the other person is against you and judging you, they're really giving you an opportunity to heal and release something from the past. And this is some of the deeper work of the J.U.S.T. Philosophy. And we discuss it in many, many episodes here on the Wise Whys.
[00:31:51] Aaron: So in this instance, Stevie shoved it back down to avoid it, and maybe she was redirecting it for another time. But if she did want to, or if she was in a place right now where she wanted to utilize that coming up for healing, what would be the steps that she would take to do that?
[00:32:09] Alexander: Great question. Because see, if she was able to recognize that Stan needed the quietness, then she could utilize that time that she connected with that trigger of her father. And she could work through- there's multiple ways that you can approach it, but I'll discuss one here that is around forgiveness. To realize that what was the so-called positive that came out of the so-called negative that she received from her father. And, in that situation, it was squashing her joy. So some people will say, "well, how can you see a positive in squashing a kid's joy?" Well, it gave her an opportunity to believe in herself and to learn that the world does not accept everything that you put out here in the world. But you shouldn't let that make you hard, and quit trying, and quit creating, and quit offering it to the world.
[00:33:03] So see, Her father playing that role gave her an opportunity to be strong in her stance about certain subjects or certain expressions, especially of joy. Because we should learn to do that as adults. If our joy got squashed as children, then we learn as these adults in self development and working toward the Authentic Self, that no, there was nothing wrong with expressing joy. But yes, maybe I needed to learn optimal time, optimal place, optimal person, optimal duration. And, oh, I can do that.
[00:33:39] So see, this is like the steps to help one change the wiring of the Mental level. As to when an event happens in the present life, that it has to continue a same pattern. So once she makes that connection of what she had the opportunity to learn out of the negative, then she has to be honest with herself of whether she's taken that opportunity or not.
[00:34:02] And if she has, then she can step further into that power by thanking her father for being her teacher, rather than the one that tore her down. This is releasing him from that role. And most of the time, the people that hurt us the most are our biggest teachers in our lives.
[00:34:22] So, this is why forgiveness work true forgiveness work is so powerful, because you release them from that role by thanking them for what they taught you. And if hypothetically, she realizes that she hasn't stepped into that role- but so far I see Stevie as a pretty strong willed person. She doesn't seem weak to me. So even though he triggered her, she didn't go into retreat. She came and she stepped up. So see, she seems to carry that toughness that judgment brought her. And we want to carry compassion for every child that has to go through those hard lessons. But here we are discussing, stepping into our Authentic Selves and stepping into our power rather than being any kind of victim.
[00:35:05] Aaron: Okay, so Stevie and Stan's conflict strategies- we did mention that they may have the five profile of the Human Design where they avoid conflict until it blows up, they release it, and then it starts the cycle all over again. What would be a way, if somebody does resonate with like, that may be their communication style or their conflict style, or their mate's conflict style, or even a child's conflict style, how could a person redirect that or try to consciously manage that build-up and release it on its way up so that this kind of explosion doesn't happen, or when the explosion happens, it's handled differently?
[00:35:48] Alexander: Well, first off the bat, again, there's multiple ways to approach it, but one of the ways I like introducing people to is speaking your truth and speaking it to the wind, the sky, the trees, to Mother Earth. To realize that, to process things and release things, we don't need someone necessarily to listen to us, that nature can be very beautiful with that. Especially going underwater and releasing negative emotions to get those out to where no one else can hear them. Because some people have reservations about releasing anger or frustration because they don't want to yell and cause a scene. But underwater, even in a bathtub or even in a shower to be able to express yourself fully is a huge release.
[00:36:32] So that's important. That people get used to, on a daily basis, letting the pressure off of the pressure cooker, so-to-say. And that some people utilize writing and journaling to help with a certain stage of that. I'm all for that. I just would like to suggest that next step, that as the good book says, so-to-say, "In the beginning was the Word", and there's nothing more powerful than vibration. So taking that written word and working towards being able to read it out loud. So I'd like to tell people, write it down first. And then be able to read it out loud until you activate the emotion. And then you read it over and over. I've done this in my healing work to write songs. And when I went through certain deaths of loved ones, I would just write a song or play songs that made me think of them and just go over and over it, until the crying stopped.
[00:37:26] And then the third step is to share that with somebody, reading it out loud. Activate the emotion and then read it until the emotion gets out. And that's one of my three-step ways of assisting people to process emotions.
[00:37:40] Aaron: Because we talked about in this avoiding of conflict, after they yell at the person or, or dump all that energy out, they feel better because they released it. And so what you're saying here is release that, but don't do it on the person or any person. Because you can have the same sort of release or relief by doing it on your own, like you said, underwater or go for a walk on a trail in the forest and release it. And I, I wanna bring up the important point, because I've worked with this as well, is you have to have the same sort of emotion, like they were in front of you, as you're saying-
[00:38:18] Alexander: Yeah you had had to be experiencing the emotion, not just thinking about the emotion.
[00:38:22] Aaron: And also a lot of people will feel like almost like a guilt or they don't want to, like you said, put that energy out there. And so they'll just say the words like, "Oh I wanna say this to you. So I'm saying it". No, you have to get into that anger if you're angry. Don't be afraid to get into that because that's the only way that you're gonna tap into that to release it right?
[00:38:44] Alexander: Yes. And another situation that people get stuck in is trying to talk to friends and family about it. And they're not really assisting the process of it. They're just getting different opinions. And normally most time people don't change their opinions. And so you're really just stirring the pot of that so-called negative energy. To where I'm much more for releasing it, just as you iterated, in the manner that you experienced it. If it's true sadness, then activate that sadness. And that's important in those three steps of you gotta activate the emotion. You gotta experience that emotion when you're writing to truly get the depth of writing in that journal and having that release.
[00:39:23] And then that next step is to read it out loud, and activate that emotion, and then read till it dries up. And then the third and final step is to read it out loud to somebody to activate that emotion and then to be able to talk about- cause when I was working on my tremendous loss when Sherry passed 15 years ago, that's what I wanted to get to. To where I could bring up her name or anybody could bring up her name at any point in time and there would be no negative emotion experienced. So, I saw that that meant that I had to talk about her a good bit to get those emotions out. And the key was for me to be confident and comfortable enough to cry and have releases in front of people.
[00:40:06] And again, our culture has been guilty of viewing crying as a weakness. And here it is a strength, the deepest release of these emotions. And typically after a true, pure cry, and an intentional emotional release, you feel so much lighter and you see things so much clearer.
[00:40:25] This is also connected to the way that people look at forgiveness. And the ultimate way to reach forgiveness is when you can see what the person taught you. Then you no longer hold any resentment and negative energy towards them, because if they didn't play that so-called negative role, you wouldn't know what you know now. And so this is why releasing the past is so, so important and it's very realistic to do. This is why I enjoy us sharing these step by step ways of how to help people in these situations.
[00:40:57] Aaron: And so this is another tactic that Stevie could have used when that stuff about her father came up. She could have thought about or tapped into that emotion of how that made her feel, being squashed when she was laughing. And actually this is an experience that I've had as a child, with my father, you know, just being a kid. I mean, of course it was wrong place, wrong time, like at the dinner table, but it still was as a kid, you know, you're having joy and you're having fun. But you know, getting yelled at.
[00:41:23] Alexander: And the other beautiful thing about this life, and I wanna give so much thanks to that Divine energy, is that normally life shows us what we can't see. So when we might get squashed like that as a child, many times, we will be put in a role as an adult to where we're around a child that might show joy or excitement at the wrong time or the wrong place. And then we get to hear our father in ourselves, squashing somebody else. And this is the ultimate lesson, is that you see that this is the pattern that I have to break. But see, the key is that you share compassion for a moment for your father, because you realize how annoying that is.
[00:42:11] But at the same time, you wanna stop squashing that joy and just redirect it once again to the four main aspects of optimal time, optimal place, optimal person and optimal duration. And so I was able to raise my sons in a way that it wasn't really about yes or no, it was, "Who are you gonna be with? Where are you gonna be? How long you gonna be doing it". It was around those four aspects. And that can keep us out of a lot of drama and a lot of wasted energy by focusing on those.
[00:42:42] Aaron: Then there's a situation where Stevie brings up and asks Stan how he allows his mother to talk to him like that. It was very aggressive energy and very accusational. And that may be like a real question that she has that she can't figure out. And I've been in those instances where I just can't understand because I personally would have said something or did something different where I feel like I could have made a difference in how that person treated me. And maybe Stan hasn't done what Stevie's thinking of doing and so she's asking the question. But, it seems like it is the wrong time to say it, especially after there's conflict. And so how could she gauge when to say it or to ask the question in a different way that maybe not be as aggressive?
[00:43:30] Alexander: Well, one thing is being more observant. And this is the issue with so-called positive emotions. We have to remember that they're just as distracting as negative emotions. See, she's in a good mood, a joyful mood, but she's not paying attention to where Stan's really at. In the beginning, he's just quiet. He's just driving, he's carrying the responsibility, but he's processing a lot of stuff. So, For that childlike energy, not to get squashed, it is learning to balance that spontaneity with being aware of your environment and where those around you are at. Because remember from the view of frequencies, we're in harmony the most, when we're in a certain range of the same frequency and the further we get away from each other's frequencies, the more friction that comes in.
[00:44:20] So, by no means am I suggesting to all you lighthearted, beautiful, childlike energies out there to get serious or lose that beauty, but part of the adjustment into the Authentic Self and that higher vibration of adulthood, is learning that right place, right person, right subject and right duration. And that just can normally take just a few seconds or a minute at the most. And again, this brings us back to my ongoing teaching of learning to take that breath before any action. Because this was a perfect situation to where if she would've took a breath in her excitement and just glanced over Stan and asked herself, can he receive this energy? The answer would more than likely be no, and then she could just contain it and enjoy it. And then he may even invite it in at a certain point. So, this is like learning how those around us process things and getting outta the idea that we want everybody to do it our way. And this relieves us from so much drama and debating is what normally it turns into to which they come very close to. They got into shots fired both ways. Judgements. And then like we said earlier, fortunately in a organic way, it worked out. But Stevie realized she didn't really know what she did. So see, this is part of laying it out the way that we are so that everyone can do this repetitiously.
[00:45:52] Because that's the other thing is it takes you practicing these things. I suggest a hundred times before you even consider that you're getting better at it and be willing to fail a lot, and those hundred times. We gotta remember that these are patterns that have been ingrained. So when you recognize a change that needs to happen, and then you might even be successful one or two times, please don't fool yourselves to think that you've overcome anything. Time will tell. Time is the tattletale. It will let you know whether you've learned or not. Cuz sometimes life is funny that way that it'll pull situations back. Especially for those that get in their ego and think that they've accomplished something, and then it just presents another situation. Many times, most people falter back to their default because they haven't put enough practice in to that specific shift of perception.
[00:46:43] Aaron: On the other end of that question, Stan had that aggressive energy coming at him and he didn't handle it that well, cause he screamed something back. And so if you are in this situation and you're having like an aggressive energy coming at you, how can you- I guess first you would take a breath, but how can you diffuse that and answer it in a way where it doesn't continue that ripple?
[00:47:08] Alexander: Well, when we choose to use the fourth pillar of this Philosophy, everyone and every situation can be your teacher. So when you walk through life with that perception, when someone offends you or you feel like they attack you, you learn to train yourself that the very first thought is, "Oh, they're bringing something for me to be aware of. They're just a messenger". And when you are able to hold that perception with people and situations, then you have the opportunity to communicate to them what you need in a clear and non-emotional way. And when she said that at him, he could say, "Thank you so much for your observation. And I'm willing to look at that sometime, but right now I'm just processing the weekend, and I don't want to project anything on you. So I want you to continue to have a good time, but if you could please give me 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour"- whatever is felt is needed of quiet time- "then I look forward to re-engaging with you in a little while. But I just need a little processing time". See the anger and the frustration comes from people not feeling like they are getting what they need or what they want. But most people fail at being able to just communicate what they want or what they need.
[00:48:25] And it's not about people living in the present moment, like some people will say. The fact is, is that they are multitasking and they have way too many things going on. And they're not able to observe properly their environment. So be very careful when you're fooling yourself saying, "Oh, I just live in the present moment and I just wanna be childlike". Cause see, Stevie could say that and there's nothing wrong with that. But when you're involved with other people, if you're not aware of your environment, then this is what happens. You get reprimanded and then it hurts and it takes you out of your joy. So see, all of this that we're sharing is self preservation information. It's not adapting and rolling over and doing things the way that other people want it. No, all of this is about you standing in your power. You keeping your energy strong by avoiding these triggers. But when they do come up that you are able to see the person or the situation as your teacher right away to extinguish that fire, to make sure that emotion doesn't get to an extreme.
[00:49:28] Aaron: And then towards the end, Stan and Stevie were able to have a conversation about possibly, stan seeing his mom in his boss in those situations kind of together and how they relate to judgment and women of power and approval issues. And they had a good moment where they both agreed that there's something to look at there. So that connection was made, like we said in the free version, which I thought was really good and I wanted to touch upon Stevie almost projecting outwardly that where she didn't want to handle her own connection with her father inwardly, at least at that time. But it was funny that she brought out this, without having any resistance to it.
[00:50:09] Alexander: Yes. And again, it's much easier to project externally, typically, than it is for most people to go internal. And so when somebody's frustrated at themselves, then they will choose to point out something they're frustrated about this other person. And so that's the way that emotions many times are projected. Whatever a person feels is being done to them. Then they're going to do that to somebody else. And that's why it's imperative that we learn to stop the ripple of these emotions. And because we're kinda like a society of ants- if you watch how ants, get food out on a sunny day, they're walking by each other and they bump into each other. And from my understanding, they're giving information when they bump into each other. And that's kind of the way that I see most humans at, is that we're bumping into each other, but we're reacting and we're creating these energetic ripples to go out. And then people don't realize that they're so far off from their Authentic Self.
[00:51:09] And the introduction to this is just when you get up in the morning, take five minutes or so to just- before you engage with any phone or any social media or any person, and just measure how you feel. Don't judge it, just measure it. And then as you go through your day, check in at lunchtime and measure it again. Not judgment, just measure it and see how far off or how consistent you are. And then in the evening, measure it again. And this is where most people don't understand how they allow external situations and people to completely shift their vibration and how they experience this life. And the very first step is to be able to recognize that in the three R's of recognize, show respect, and redirect. And you gotta be able to recognize in the very beginning of where your energy is going. And then to realize that you're not a victim and nobody around you needs to change anything. But you have the opportunity to change most everything in your environment and how you process it. And that will change the weight that you carry throughout your day, that builds week after week after week, and why many times physical sickness has to come in because all of the other four levels have gotten weakened and then it resides and falls into the physical. And then many times people are put down with the cold or more serious illness.
[00:52:40] Aaron: Let's talk about the information that, for yourself, when you recognize something or judge something in somebody else. I've tried to train myself, so every time I do judge something or see something as somebody else that I feel like I need to point out, I try to take that internally and ask, "Where am I doing this?" before I even mention it to that person.
[00:53:01] Alexander: Yes. And I think that's another great point of self development to bring up because it is that kind of reflection in being able to see bringing compassion and get rid of the judgment. And many times it's very helpful to be able to be that investigator, as I like to call it, to go find out where you do do that. Not to just justify it and say, "Oh, I don't do it. Like they do it." And that's really what that means when we justify ourselves and say, "Oh, I don't do that". You know, like you can judge somebody of, "Oh, they're all about the drama." And then it was very easy for most anybody to say, "Oh, I'm not about the drama at all". But see, it's much more useful to recognize that you just judged that person and said, "Oh, they're all about the drama." And then if you go, " Where am I being involved in drama?" Maybe just considering any third party conversations where you're talking to someone about somebody that's not there, there's a high likelihood that drama is included in that. So see, being that investigator rather than the fact that you wanna justify it and say that you're not like that person, but to really go into "Where am I like that?" and that can bring in humility, and it can bring in compassion and it can completely shift that judgment to an assessment, that again, they were your teacher. So that's another great example of a daily practice that anyone can just use over and over and over. And again, all of this work is about repetition.
[00:54:34] Aaron: So now we're getting into the end and I love how she calls it wizardry cause uh, I like to sometimes think of you as a wizard, Alexander. And then, so we have Rio here. I wanna touch upon Rio because the last minute of the story talked about her interaction with Rio, the new neighbors, and we're gonna hear more about who these people are and what kind of information they're bringing or Stevie's picking up from them that she's maybe subconsciously picking up and utilizing. And, we may have seen some of it in this interaction, but even the past stories where she's been able to redirect things and then she doesn't realize that she actually did it. So it's cool to see her influence on the family through possibly this connection.
[00:55:19] Alexander: Yes. And Rio and Haven are a couple that have just moved that they wind up being Stan and Stevie's neighbors. And we'll get into an upcoming episode to where Stevie goes to give a housewarming present and gets to hang out with Rio. Haven wasn't at home. And just in their initial conversation, Rio just really had a drastic effect on Stevie in just a few hours of them being together and Stevie completely lost track of time and it got dark. But she was just amazed at just the approach of how Rio chose to look at things and even how Rio and Haven wound up moving and the process that they went through what she called "conscious communication" and sharing with Stevie how they approached even something like a move. And it was very surprising. And as I think she shares about Louise and her problems with her mother-in-law, Rio's even able to help give a little bit of insight about how she's dealt with in-laws in the past. And it seems to bring just a whole complete different perception that has yes, obviously had a subconscious effect on Stevie because she's handled a few situations in these first two episodes very nicely, but not completely aware of what she's doing.
[00:56:39] Aaron: It kind of reminds me of my whole journey through doing these episodes. Hearing this information over and over again and maybe displaying it in some ways, but not understanding it. And then once I have an experience that connects the stuff I'm hearing, the information I'm hearing. And it turns more into like a wisdom because I've had that experience, I've utilized it, and now I can understand why this works. It's like a whole new level. So, maybe we see Stevie get to that point on some of this, but right now she's just operating on that subconscious.
[00:57:12] Alexander: Yes. I like to suggest that knowledge plus experience equals wisdom. When that knowledge and experience is repeated over and over and over. And anyone that has knowledge plus experience has a whole different vibration than somebody with just knowledge. And our culture is very guilty of just discussing knowledge. And we even have professors in our colleges that get a college degree and then they're professors right away. And there's no judgment on that, but we've lost a lot in our culture as far as experience goes. And we show that with how we handle our elderly and the lack of respect that our culture seems to carry for our older people that carry the experience. And we think that just because we have information that they didn't, that their experience isn't worth something. And that's a very ignorant way to approach life. And that's why we're not just talking about this information, but it's what you do with the information. It's in the doing that you get the wisdom. That you get the Authentic Self. It's not just in the hearing it and recognizing it. You do have to go to that step of learning to show it respect, and that's get out of the judgment of it to know how to properly redirect it. And as we discussed on the last episode, people are very guilty for recognizing it and then trying to change it and fix it. And they skip the respect of learning to get away from the judgment first, before you release it. Because the whole point of that second step is so that you don't have to reoccur in the same type of situation. And this is where people get in loops in either their life or with relationships to where the same lesson keeps showing up in their face. And when that is the case, they're just not getting the lesson clearly, and more than likely they made a change before they learn to respect the situation.
[00:59:07] Aaron: So it's just another reason to re-listen to all the back episodes over and over again, because you'll just keep finding more and more gold nuggets.
[00:59:14] Alexander: Yes. And another key that I want to give for people right here is, to pay attention to any time when somebody says something and you think to yourself, "I already know that". No, it's coming up in your field for a reason. And when you get out of that ego step and instead of going, "I already know that" to simply go, "I needed to hear that for some reason." And always be in that receiving, that student, and allowing everybody else to be the teacher. But most of us are too busy wanting to be the teacher, and so in the conversations we disregard so much because we go, "Oh, I already know that. I already know that", but you only know it intellectually. And it's coming up in your field again to show you, more than likely, that you need it through one or all of the other four levels. The mental, the emotional, the energetic, and the spiritual. And those all come through this and the physical all come through experience.
[01:00:08] Aaron: Well, there he is dropping knowledge to the very end. Alexander, uh, just wanna thank everyone for being a premium member and for tuning in.
[01:00:17] Alexander: Much love. Look forward to the next episode.