In this chapter of Inward Journey, we get to experience the influence that Rio has had on Stevie in the days following their initial meeting. This is followed by a surprise invitation for Stevie and Stan to join Rio and Haven on a Friday night. Some of the themes discussed in this episode are around emotional releases and self care, expectations and disappointment, conscious relationships and where sacrifice and compromise may not have a place in those types of relationships.
Story written by: Alexander
Story read by: Elena Maggio
Music by: Alexander
[00:00:21] Storyteller: Wise Whys - Inward Journey
[00:00:30] Episode 6: The Invite
[00:00:33] Early Thursday morning around 6:45am, Stevie woke up just before her alarm sounded. This rarely happened, as she normally hit snooze at least twice after it sounded at 7:15 sharp.
[00:00:45] She rubbed her eyes, stretched a little, and began wiggling her feet, toes, hands and fingers. She immediately noticed feeling well rested while carrying a deep sense of unrecognized gratitude.
[00:00:58] A gentle smile came over her face as Stan’s mild snoring continued to echo through the room. She arose gently and slowly, leaving Stan to continue sleeping until the alarm sounded. She threw on her robe and quietly headed downstairs to enjoy her new morning ritual of french pressed coffee, lemon water, and some fresh fruit. Journaling on her back porch as the sun rises had also been added to the list.
[00:01:27] See, the night before, on Wednesday evening, after saying “good night” to Stan, Stevie enjoyed a warm epson and sea salt bath with lavender oil, rose petals and a little coconut oil for that silky smooth skin feel. To assist her peaceful solitude, she chose some relaxing flute music and poured some pinot noir red wine to enjoy.
[00:01:49] As the evening progressed, her mind began to drift. She pondered her past two weeks. The events, interactions, ups and downs. She reflected on how serendipitously it was meeting Rio, her new neighbor, and also on a whim. Then going to Janet and Michael’s for the family weekend and THAT two-day adventure. And then there was the ride home with Stan on that Sunday.
[00:02:14] The past week or so, since returning, had been pretty low key as her and Stan just seemed to fall back into the mundane rut of everyday life. Still, she felt different, a little odd, but better somehow. All of these events over the past two weeks seemed, in some way, to offer more meaning than usual as she contemplated and analyzed.
[00:02:38] Was it more interest or less resistance? Better communication or less reaction? She wasn’t quite sure what was different exactly. Maybe many things, maybe nothing. Maybe she was changing. Maybe she was waking up. Maybe she was losing her mind? She giggled out loud, just excited to feel something again.
[00:03:02] With hazy steam filling the air, Stevie laid back in the tub with a warm washcloth over her face just letting one thought after the other come and go. For once she wasn’t attempting to figure anything out or stay attached to any outcome. She wasn’t carrying judgment or getting emotionally involved.
[00:03:23] As an hour or so passed and she started to see her fingers prune, Stevie stepped out of the tub and began to dry off. After putting her hair up in a towel, she began rubbing her lotion on her legs. As she bent down, she noticed the water going down the drain in a circular motion. She paused. The motion of the water and whisking sound made it mesmerizing and produced a sensation of cleansing and renewal.
[00:03:50] Chills shot over her whole body. Almost in a trance, the words “let it go” were repeated over and over in Rio’s voice. “Let it go… Who are you… Let it go… What’s your Passion… Let it goooooo…..”
[00:04:09] As Stevie continued drying off and the water finished draining, she snapped out of the trance-like state and slowly walked over to the sink. There she drew a heart with her index finger in the steamy mirror then turned off the bathroom light and walked towards her bed. Pulling the sheets back, she started to reach for her book and instead, she leaned over, turned off the light, and got into her sleeping position. Then she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and said out loud in the most loving voice…
[00:04:41] “I am listening Rio, thank you. We ARE Soul family. I want to change. I hope we visit again soon. I feel like you are my teacher”.
[00:04:53] A small tear formed in the corner of her eyes as she was filled with an unexpected surge of appreciation and inspiration. Those tears turned into a full blown emotional release as she didn’t resist any and allowed this unexpected cry to continue. Flashes of self judgment and blame suddenly appeared. Embarrassment, shame, sadness, then anger. Rio’s calm voice re-appeared, “Let it go… Let it go”.
[00:05:30] Within just a few minutes, the sobbing waned and her heart beat slowed. Her breathing then leveled out and she gently drifted off into a nice slumber.
[00:05:44] Excited for the day, and now downstairs, Stevie gathered her coffee, lemon water, journal and fruit. As she opened the back door, she noticed a note taped to the window pane.
[00:05:57] She sat everything down, smiled, and said “Good morning” to the sun. Then took a deep breath, grabbed the envelope, sat down and opened the note.
[00:06:09] It was Rio and Haven inviting Stevie and Stan over for snacks, drinks and conversation this coming Friday evening.
[00:06:16] “Oh my goodness!” She exclaimed out loud, “I can’t believe this! I was just thinking about this last night! That’s soooo weird, and yet so cool!
[00:06:26] About that time Stan stuck his head out the door, “Good morning, Honey! I gotta run. I’m running late!”
[00:06:33] “Oh, good morning!” Stevie responds, “Oh! Stan! Friday night! Tomorrow night! We have plans! You’re going to get to meet Rio! And we both will get to meet Haven, their partner! Oh, I can’t wait! They are so amazing! They invited us over for drinks and snacks. So don't be late, okay? 7pm this Friday.”
[00:06:51] With no reply, Stan closed the door behind him, rushing down the steps and into his truck. “See ya babe.” Stan yells. He started the truck and off he went.
[00:07:03] Stevie, stunned a little and confused, uttered “Goodbye hun…” and gave a light wave. She took a deep breath and smiled while glancing at the sun followed by her first sip of coffee of the morning.
[00:07:16] “It’s gonna be a Good Day.” Stevie leaned back in her chair and kicked her feet up on the railing.
[00:07:23] As the sun continued to rise, the birds feverishly chirped while the air carried tones from nearby wind chimes. Stevie began writing in her journal reflections of the night before and the invite on her door.
[00:07:39] The following day, as Friday evening arrived, Stevie was sitting at the kitchen table looking at the clock, tapping her foot nervously. “Where is he at? It's already 6:30 and he’s not even home yet?! We’re gonna be late! He knew how important this was for me!”
[00:07:55] A few moments later, she heard Stan’s truck pull into the driveway and cut off. She rushed to meet him at the door as she heard him walking up the back steps. As Stan opened the door… “You’ve got to get ready, Stan. We’re gonna be late!” Stevie insisted.
[00:08:11] “N.. N.. Nice to see you, Babe.” Stan replied. “What are you so worked up about? Who are these people? Why should I even be interested? I’ve been working all day and I just want to watch the baseball game tonight.”
[00:08:24] “What are you saying? I shared this with you yesterday morning before you left for work. Just please go take a shower and do this for me.”
[00:08:33] “Why don’t YOU just go visit with them, you know I don’t really like meeting new people. Are they White, African American, Indian, gay, staight, men or women? I mean give me something to work with here?!”
[00:08:45] Stevie, with her face in her hands, slowly elevated her voice. “OHHHH… Stan… you… frustrate… me… With your judgmental questions and negative attitude. Always the same thing. None of that matters! I go to your family's crap without EVER complaining. I go to support you, my husband. Jeeeze, I can’t believe this!”
[00:09:10] “These are cool people Stan… At least Rio is. They are Amazing. Like other planet level Amazing. And I’m sure Haven is going to be very pleasant and interesting as well”.
[00:09:22] “They’re not like the people you are usually around, stan. I don’t really like those people either. I need this! I need NEW PEOPLE in my life Stan. Just go, go, go take a shower!”
[00:09:33] Stevie pushed Stan up the stairs in a forceful fashion and then began gathering herself. Looking in the hallway mirror she straightened her dress, closed her eyes and murmured, “You better not screw this up for me Stanley Marvin Winthrop. I need this in my life right now. WE need this in our lives right now. Pleaseee.”
[00:10:03] Aaron: Well, those are very, very strong words by Stevie there. And I would caution anybody as I've learned since meeting you Alexander, be careful the words that you say [mm-hmm] cause she's almost like demanding that her want comes true. And there's always a cost to all of our wants, right?
[00:10:20] Alexander: Yes. Yes. And I think many of our listeners are gonna be able to relate to these types of scenarios where we're getting into what the J.U.S.T. Philosophy refers to as deal-making relationships. And, in the second segment we're gonna get into really how to approach relationships from a more conscious view and be able to work outside of this deal making scenario.
[00:10:44] Aaron: Well, that's a good preview into what we have coming up. But let's first go back to the beginning and shine a light on Stevie as she went through her process as we flashback in this episode of her, I don't wanna say grieving, but she went through a releasing process and then she wakes up the next morning and she feels freer. She feels free. She feels light and fluffy, and that is such a great feeling, as I know. And whenever you have this release, you just feel lightweight and like you could do anything. And even though she has had that experience, everybody else around you, including Stan in this instance, hasn't joined that, but we can easily forget that we're alone on this release and everybody else around us hasn't had that experience.
[00:11:33] Alexander: Yeah. And hopefully this reflects to many, the approval of this type of release and how healthy it is on all five of the levels, but especially that emotional level. And unfortunately our culture has been trained or directed that these types of emotional releases are bad, or maybe some people are just afraid that they won't be able to turn it off once they turn it on. I think there's many variables in that, but the main thing to get across here, that I see and appreciate, is the willingness to just allow it to happen. And that's what she experienced the night before in the tub with, you don't have to necessarily label it as meditation, but that's pretty much what she was doing. She was just allowing with the washcloth on her face, just allowing the thoughts to come and go, and she didn't have any attachment to any of them. And then very similar once she got into the bed and this release began just as a tear in the corner of the eye, it entered into appreciation and inspiration. But many of us, all our emotions are just all mixed up. And so that turned into a full release and going into many different levels of emotions. And that's very common. Sometimes we have to go through these different levels to fully process it. And again, the less judging that we can do, which she exemplified here, it moved through pretty quickly. And then she seemed to relish in the morning after. The different experience of waking up even before the alarm clock goes off.
[00:13:01] Aaron: And you mentioned the judgment of emotions. And I think sometimes people have misunderstood us when we've talked about emotions, including myself. I've noticed that I've had this kind of negative connotation come in because of the conscious act of trying to manage my emotions. That management has led me to think that they're bad over time. You know, when I first got into this [great point] because I need to be watching and looking for those emotions to come up and then reprimanding, like if we had to manage children. If we were watching our siblings children, [mm-hmm] and when they would have an emotional reaction or they would do something we didn't want them to do, then we'd have to watch over them and then correct them. And I feel like it's sort of the same thing so, management by default can be seen as a negative thing because it's something that we actively need to be looking out for. Does that make sense?
[00:13:58] Alexander: Yeah, I think that's a great point to bring up because it's been a little challenge of mine for over 20 years to get this point across, that the whole point is to learn, to not judge the emotions as so-called good or bad, to see them more as they're an experience that you choose. And this works with children because if you have a seven or eight year old that's throwing a fit, but you're able to teach them not that what they're doing is wrong or bad, but to introduce them into a different experience of something enjoyable. Well, that's not working out, so let's go over here and let's do this. And children are very adaptable, so we need to remember that about ourselves, of like, I'm starting to experience some anger or some frustration here. And to realize that we have the power to choose that experience, and to either go, yes, I'm gonna go fully into that anger or to say, no, I'm gonna redirect this over here into a more of a learning situation to where I can gain benefit out of it.
[00:14:59] And that's a power that most people in our culture are just not aware of that these emotions are choices, but see, we get trained in our family lineage by what's being exemplified, especially the first seven years of our lives is that's what people will continue to carry on. And that's what we call family lineage. So part of the Three R's of Recognize it, whether it's a person, place, or situation. To learn to Respect it, and that's getting out of the judgment of it, and then to Redirect it. And too many people recognize and then go to redirecting right away. But learning to not judge it is very important before the redirection. And we'll get more and more into that in the full episode.
[00:15:45] Aaron: Yeah. You've also mentioned that emotions can be messengers. And so if we think about it as the postman coming to give us a letter, what's in the letter we may be able to judge good or bad, but the person delivering it, isn't actually good or bad.
[00:15:59] Alexander: Right. Right. And that's another great analogy. And the main thing is getting out of this training that there are so-called good emotions and so-called bad emotions. And I find that and when you're able to see them as experiences, that means that when the so-called good comes around, that you go into it more, it's more of an experience. So it's learning what to lean into and to exaggerate, and then what to lean into and manage. And so this basically gets down to outside of judgment, but how it actually makes you feel after the experience. On an energetic level, on a mental level and on physical, on a spiritual and mental. On all the different levels. So see, this is more than you're just trying to fool yourself or just retrain. It's an actual experience that you learn over time to know I'm going to choose this over this, not because this person deserves it, but more because I deserve it in my field and how I'll choose to experience feeling on all Five Levels each and every day.
[00:17:07] Aaron: So in this story, Stevie, going off the experience that she had when she first met Rio, is I feel like she's on a high after reviewing the inspiration that she had. And I think many times, including myself, when we are in situations in our life where things aren't working out and we're looking for a different way, and maybe we're not taking action on it, but then we suddenly have this experience that is totally outside anything we've ever experienced before. But it's in kind of what we feel like we want, [Mm-hmm] which I feel like is what Stevie has had. And then she keeps kind of reviewing and building this experience up and being in this very high, high level. And I wanna say like a joy, but it seems like she's not very grounded and thinking about the other side of things where she's offering other grounding thoughts to put in perspective her situation and the things that are upcoming. I feel like she's almost building some expectations here throughout this whole episode where she's first thinking about Rio when she's going through her releasing [mm-hmm] but that seems like it's more inspirational. So that's pretty good. And then when she gets the invitation, I feel like she instantly goes into expectation. Like this is gonna be great because the first time, her first experience with Rio was great. And then she almost projects that onto Stan when he's not going along with her energy.
[00:18:36] Alexander: Yes. And to see that this is very common that we project whatever experience we want to have. We want to project that on our partners or our friends or even family. It's a big stumbling block in our self development, but it's a stage that I like to say that everybody needs to go through and will go through. And then you learn to be more selective about where you do put your energy when you're going to somewhere that does feed you, why you don't want somebody coming along that really doesn't want to be there. And will go into that deeper later. But, this is getting away from this bargaining type of relationship is what really aids the energetic level. And when you start focusing on all five of these levels, as equally as important, the energetic level is that you want whoever comes with you to want to be there. For that vibe to be as high as it can or maybe you do want to go by yourself. So we'll see how this continues in their meeting in one of the following stories. But I'm sure that this vibration it's not over yet and they haven't gotten to the gathering yet, so we'll see how the energy continues to build.
[00:19:46] Aaron: Yeah. Kind of what you're talking about is another point that I want to bring up is the sacrifice or compromise that Stevie is evoking at the end where she's saying, well, I go to your family stuff. And I'm looking forward to our conversation, getting more into that type of conscious relationship where we do discuss where sacrifice has a place or doesn't have a place.
[00:20:05] Alexander: Yes. And this brings in boundaries in our relationships. That's very important to increasing intimacy. Boundaries are a very important part of that.
[00:20:14] Aaron: And Stan's dismissive attitude of Stevie as she's trying to tell him what good of a time that going to see Rio and Haven are going to be, as he's walking out. I mean, he's late for work, so we gotta give him a little break there, but he doesn't even acknowledge that she's saying anything. And then he just says, "Hey, bye honey." This reminds me of something that I kind of go through and it might be attributed to the 5 profile type in the Human Design, maybe even related to cancer (astrological) influence. [Sure]. Where he's feeling some confrontation or friction, because he's hearing all this coming at him and it's probably not on the same frequency that he's on. And it seems like he doesn't like to have new experiences anyway. So all this is coming at him and he doesn't know how to handle it and so he immediately goes into processing mode and shuts down and doesn't know what to do, so he just goes about his business.
[00:21:08] Alexander: Mm-hmm yes. And it's a very common tactic with those 5 profiles that you were mentioning from the Human Design is to avoid. And for some reason 5s can talk themselves into that if I just avoid this, it'll go away. But of course she was letting him know how important that was to her. And it may have served him a lot better to, even though he was in resistance, to acknowledge it at that time, or at least mention, "Let's talk about this when I get home" or something like that. But it seems like it wasn't mentioned all through the rest of the day, Thursday evening, or possibly even Friday morning. And this is where people get stuck in conflicts in relationships because they just truly aren't listening to one another and there's a lot of talking, there's a lot of hearing, but listening is a deeper process.
[00:22:04] Aaron: Yeah, and it seemed like Stan, or like myself, we can put it out because we need time to process it. So we feel like we can't talk about it, and then we think with time we'll be able to, but then other things come up and it gets pushed to the back. And then days later it's not talked about, so we think, oh, we don't need to concern ourselves with it anymore. And Stevie had a lot of frustration at the end with that, because then Stan brought up the questions that he was even having internally when all that was going down. And it seemed like Stevie was having an emotional reaction because Stan was not on the same level of frequency that she was about having a good time, or even open minded about going. But she had already had to the experience of meeting Rio, so she kind of knows what to expect now. [Mm-hmm] but I think we could even say that Stevie may not have been open right at the beginning of meeting Rio either.
[00:22:59] Alexander: Sure, sure. She was going about her normal method of operation and she asked some of the same questions that Stan's asking now to her. And she wound up feeling silly asking those questions to Rio. And I think there's some embarrassment that's connected there and we're gonna dissect a little bit why frustration is a great signal that many times that person on the other end of your frustration is reflecting something back to you that you don't like, or that you feel like you've moved past or have corrected even. And so it's a really good check-in for everyone that when you are feeling frustration, make sure you're taking the view of the mirror because there's wonderful information there. But we're gonna get into deeper and deeper explanations in the following part.
[00:23:46] Aaron: All right. Looking forward to it.
[00:23:46] Alexander: Yeah. Let's do it.
[00:23:48] Aaron: Thank you everyone for joining us on the premium, Complete Conversation of this episode.
[00:23:53] Alexander: So good to be here. Welcome everyone.
[00:23:55] Aaron: Most of this story has been Stevie having a release and pampering herself and going through that self love process and then feeling the effects of it and feeling more free and then eventually getting that invitation. And she may have even thought that she manifested that.
[00:24:10] Alexander: Sure.
[00:24:11] Aaron: I wanted to ask if people out there are hearing this episode and we're talking about the release and how good you feel, and they kind of feel just stuck in the mundane of life. How can we provoke a release in our lives to have some sort of experience like Stevie had in this episode?
[00:24:33] Alexander: Well, I think a big place to start is in truly working towards not judging these emotions. And most people struggle with, like anger is one of the hardest emotions to evoke, because they've been told that it's the worst one or it's the ugliest one. And many times, even through grief we need to go through the stage of anger and it eventually comes for everyone that is doing any type of emotional processing. But again, it doesn't have to be judged. It can just properly be directed. Many times I like to say, to help the release of anger through physical exercise or running. Something that stresses the physical body helps to exhaust that energy. That's why many times anger's connected to punching, it's the physical of getting that energy out.
[00:25:22] So going swimming, going in a body of water, and just having an emotional release under the water while swinging and kicking. All these are really good exercises to work with anger but in order to help to evoke these emotions, many times music can be used for that. I happen to use that personally a lot. Sometimes it can be a type of drama or something on TV that can trigger it. But the main thing is that everybody start paying attention to what does trigger it. And then just make a note of it and remember that when you do have some time or you do want to have a release, you'll have a better idea of what to go to. And for me music is one of my key triggers, so to say, and I just have certain songs by certain artists that are going to invoke certain feelings in me almost every time I listen to it. So, finding a tool that is external that is helpful in that I think is very important for everyone to first just watch yourself and pay attention. You will teach yourself the answer to that question, so to say.
[00:26:29] Aaron: Yeah, I'm trying to think from like a regular everyday person, and somebody who's not feeling emotional, not feeling really anything, but they're not at that grounded level. And do you think it would help if we take some time to take inventory of the things we feel like we do need to release and then maybe pinpoint what would do it? So for instance, like you were saying music. That's a big one for me but, I feel like I could really pinpoint, like if I wanted to work on this thing that I know I probably still have some releasing to do, I could find the right song that would evoke that same emotion and I could really feed into it.
[00:27:09] Alexander: Yes, yes. And if you're able to know what the emotion is that you want to release, that's even kind of advanced. I find that a lot of people don't even realize that they have emotions in them that need releasing because they've been so trained to detach from them. So this is why there has to be a willingness that sometimes to access these emotions, you can do it through a so-called positive direction of focusing on gratitude and feeling blessed, recognizing the moments in your life where you felt like a higher power helped you out in some way.
[00:27:45] I just experienced that over this past weekend before a sound journey that I had and a small fire broke out on my property. And I felt so blessed. I felt that I was certainly helped on a higher level in that situation. And I wanted to express that to the people that came to the sound journey. And so we began it all with focusing on something or someone that we're just so in gratitude for the way that it did turn out when it could have turned out worse. And I just feel like we don't look at things from that light enough.
[00:28:19] And so, many times when people think about emotional release, they think they go automatically to the so-called negative, but the so-called positive can be a great gateway to get there because that's what Stevie exemplified. It started off as this appreciation for Rio and gratitude. And then some of these other emotions came out and she allowed them, but see the key was, she didn't judge them. She just allowed them like she did the thoughts in the tub. And when people asked me about meditation, that's what I suggest is to utilize this mantra of thank you, but now is not the time and the point isn't to stop the mind, but it's just to teach it over a period of time that this is a time that I'm detaching from your processing. I will pick you back up and then as you do that over a long enough period of time, that becomes more and more automatic. So I want to put that out there for people to consider just going into gratitude, appreciation and see where that takes you.
[00:29:17] Aaron: During Stevie's release, you mentioned that she had all these other emotions come up, but she wasn't able to pinpoint what they were from or for. And so if we are having a release and we're having emotions that we cannot identify where they're coming from, does it help to actually know, or go deeper if we know what we're focusing on and we know the emotion coming up is from that. Can we take more advantage of that?
[00:29:45] Alexander: Well, I think so. I just want it to be kind of looked at another level. Not necessarily better, but the first is just to get comfortable with just emoting. And that can take a period of time. So there's no rush here, but yes, when you know the connection of the story, it's easier to work on things like forgiveness and how to balance out that emotion through your processing. But that is a different stage, and we certainly want people to get there, but that first step is just being comfortable to have a release and a cry. But the separation from victim cry and release cry. The important difference is the non-judgment.
[00:30:28] If you're crying and you have in your subconscious, or you're thinking, "I shouldn't be doing this, what if somebody sees me doing this? They're going to think that I'm weak." See all of that is judgment. So it's not allowing the crying to do what it was really meant to. It can perpetuate the crying. And I think this is what lots of people get into, and then they choose to just detach because they don't wanna just cry all the time. But that key step in my Three R's of respect it, is learning to not judge it and realize that if you have anger in you, it was established in you. You don't have to feel bad about letting it out, just please don't let it out on another human being or an animal or any living being.
[00:31:13] So this is why working out through the water, working out through exercise, even if you need to break something, sometimes that can help with anger. Then it's going out around in the woods with dead wood and being able to break limbs and things like that. So nature provides us a way to assist with all this processing, but a big part of that is learning to respect the emotions, which means not to judge them.
[00:31:39] Aaron: So, during this whole episode, Stevie was reflecting and then when she got the invitation, she brought in a positive emotion, like she was on a high [mm-hmm]. And of course like if this is inspiration, it's probably more grounded, but when you start to bring in expectations, you can really get yourself outta control and get away from being grounded. So if we are going about our life and we have an experience that we just feel so like, "Oh my God, this was so awesome!" How do we try to ground that? Whether it's through the mental, or whatever level you want to bring in, so that we don't continue getting away from being grounded on the high [mm-hmm] and then set ourselves up for an expectation or even a low. Because if we get high, then as soon as we run on a energy to keep pushing that up and up and up, we're gonna crash almost like a sugar high.
[00:32:34] Alexander: Yes. And this is an ongoing practice in this philosophy of basically learning to live life outside of preference. And we talk about this on many past podcasts. It's not that you don't ever have a preference, but it's that you're able to regulate that preference. And so when you see that excitement, that expectation coming in, to be able to start on that mental level to just say, well, hey, the likelihood is much better if I don't compare what is going to happen to what has already happened, than if I try to even have a more powerful experience. That disappointment can't exist without expectation. But, intention is very close to that, except when we set an intention, like she kind of did when she was talking to Rio and even said something like, "I look so forward to when we can get together again. I feel as though you're my teacher." There's a beauty and an innocence that there's an intention there. That like, I intend to meet with you again, if it is provided. But we have to let the preference go past that and then trust. And this brings in the spiritual level to trust and have faith that if that's in Divine Order, then the universe will help to make that happen. All of all we've gotta do is show up for our lives everyday.
[00:33:59] And so in that situation, then if it was an invitation in a week, or if it was an invitation in a month or whatever, the timeframe doesn't create any pressure. But here it happened really fast. You mentioned manifestation and many people could connect and think that Stevie was creating the manifestation of that. We're not gonna get into agreeing or disagreeing with that, but the main thing that once it's there for her, she becomes very forceful with her view of wanting to make it happen, wanting Stan to be part of it. And so it turns into control. And soon as control is present that's expectation, that's not intention.
[00:34:40] And that's certainly a setup for friction, as that's a breeding ground for friction anytime expectations are created. So both Stan's going to have to deal with this and then more than likely both Rio and Haven's going to have to deal with the energy once they do finally all get together. Because it's not likely that just within a few moments that Stevie and Stan's gonna be able to level all of this out, and somebody that seems as perceptive as Rio, not pick up on it. So it's really gonna be interesting to see how it moves forward. But for those listeners out there, just really work to learn the difference and to work on the difference of living your life intentionally rather than living your life through expectation.
[00:35:26] Aaron: And I feel like when somebody has an experience that is so vastly different from something that they've experienced in their lives, and they put that experience on a pedestal and say, "I wanna feel like this all the time!" They are essentially comparing it to life every day, the way they're living their life. Almost like this is good, and this is bad. Or I want more of this, but not this [mm-hmm]. And I feel like I was able to make a shift when I was able to see the mundane, or the everyday things in life, the way that I would see certain events like this. Where you look for ways to find appreciation in the everyday things. And then you can live a life of having gratitude for the everyday things, and you can kind of transition that energy that you're giving this one event to everyday life.
[00:36:16] Alexander: Yes, because when we work on our preferences and learning to sit them to the side, then it brings about more spontaneity. So, the less that we have a plan for every moment of our day, we have the excitement of what could be. This connects to all the great teachers from so many different areas of the world that teach about be more childlike. And children don't get up with a plan for their whole day and have every minute filled, like lots of our culture does. People choose to do that. They're more spontaneous and they seem to be able to flow through those emotions faster because they're less attached to everything. And then of course our culture can train those children to be very attached to everything, to plan for the future, and to basically be in fear in just being in the present moment. And that's what we have a pandemic of at this time and it's creating a lot of unrest and I think more and more people are looking for a different way of living the life. And that's what the J.U.S.T. Philosophy is all about.
[00:37:23] Aaron: Well said. So then we wanna transition to Stevie getting so excited and verbally vomiting everything onto Stan as he's trying to get out the door and he's late for work. And he doesn't even acknowledge really anything that she said, but then also reacknowledges and says, "Hey goodbye." So it makes it seem like he did hear her, but maybe she was a little too overwhelming. And then we talked about, in the first segment, about him being a 5 profile type and also having a Cancerian influence and how me having some of that and you having some of that, sometimes it's the way that we process. It is like the default way. So it's not saying that we can't learn to process other ways or push through it-
[00:38:05] Alexander: Yeah it's not be judged. It's not bad.
[00:38:07] Aaron: Yeah. So I wanted to ask you this. For instance, in my life, when somebody applies pressure to me in certain situations, I can feel like I need time for this to settle, and I can't really discuss this right now because I don't have any words to put to it yet, cuz I really need to take some time to think about it. So what are some things that Stan could have done in this situation? So if somebody does relate to his way of processing in this instance, you know, if we can give some helpful hints to push through this.
[00:38:38] Alexander: Yeah. I think initially just being able to say, "Thank you so much, that sounds nice. Let me think about it today and maybe we can talk about it tonight, over dinner or something like that." The main thing for the 5 is, it is part of their design to avoid confrontation. So when a 5 doesn't have their mind made up, see, it's always not just a negative part of avoiding confrontation it's that they don't have an opinion on it yet. I haven't looked at it enough. So one of the biggest aids for someone that avoids the conflict is being able to set a date and time to acknowledge that the other person's view is important, and then be willing to think about it, put some time into it and come to the table with a true discussion about it, rather than just, "I feel this way and you feel this way". But Stan could possibly say something like, "I am so excited for you, Baby, that you found somebody that you resonate with. And I do look forward to eventually meeting them, but I'm happy for you to get to know them a little bit better first. I'm sure they won't take offense to it."
[00:39:45] But this is getting back into that making deals and communicating. And again, if Stevie really understood and wanted to keep the vibration at a high level, like it accidentally happened last time, is that she wouldn't want Stan to come if he didn't really want to come. And that maybe she would be willing to go and visit with Rio and maybe Rio and Haven get to know them better and be able to talk about how much fun they have, their points of views, to almost enticed Stan's interest a little bit more.
[00:40:18] So, the unfortunate thing is, again, most people in relationships are looking for their partner to experience the same thing in the same manner and very few two people do that. So in our self-development work it's very important that we seek out those things that we want to stimulate us. We invite our partners or friends, or people around us, even family members, but we don't take it offensively when they don't want to come, because it should be about the experience that we're looking for. And then when our partners, our friends, our family sees that experience, that's what intrigues them and goes, "Wait a minute, I think I do want to go over there and meet." And who knows maybe Stan would meet them separately just out in the yard one day and have a completely original connection.
[00:41:04] So here's where I wanna put in the saying of good intentions of the death of a wise one and see Stevie's so excited to share these people with Stan to probably help him to help her, to help them. So see, it's a good intention. But if your good intention is meeting up with resistance, that's very, very worth paying attention to because the less resistance you have around, as she did with her first meeting with Rio, there was very little resistance. She was just asking some of the similar questions that Stan was asking, and Rio was very nicely and compassionately redirecting those questions to possibly questions of more depth. And that's what Stevie wound up falling in love with. And I think that she's just excited to share this, but it may not be ideal for her to bring up the bitterness. Obviously she's done stuff with Stan and his family that she's resentful for now. Again, Stan didn't necessarily ask for that. So this is where we need to look at many times, givers will over give. But then when somebody doesn't show a certain level of appreciation, they want to be bitter about it and they wanna pull it back. But were they ever asked to play those roles? So all you givers out there, make sure that people are really wanting you to play the roles that you're playing. Because I have a feeling, a lot of you are wasting a lot of energy that could be redirected in other areas.
[00:42:32] Aaron: So I do want to get into the compromise and sacrifice thing. But just one thing, getting back to, with the whole situation with Stan and the 5s. What could Stevie do differently if she knew that Stan had this tendency on how he processes?
[00:42:48] Alexander: Well, because he's also a projector, projectors respond well to being given three options, rather than being given open-ended questions or being given demands. And so in this situation, she could offer Stan more time to consider this and say, "I really want you to meet these people, but one of the options is for both of us to go Friday night. Another option is I'm willing to go by myself. And then the third option is I can go visit with them and then invite them over if you would rather them be in our space." So see, being considerate about where Stan's at and what will make him feel most comfortable in that exchange. And so, yeah, hypothetically she could have went Friday night, spent time, met Haven and enjoyed Rio again, and then set up another time for them to come over to their house, maybe where Stan would feel more comfortable and maybe more in his power in his own house. So the multiple choice is very, very helpful with projector style people.
[00:43:54] Aaron: And with you saying that, if I was Stan, that would free me up so much, because I think part of the processing length of time that we go through, is the pressure. And it's unknowing what that other person expects of us in that moment. And we don't want to disappoint. That's part of the confrontation thing. It's like, what if we say the wrong thing right away? [Mm-hmm]. But when you just gave those three options, even though I'm not a projector, but I do have that 5 energy, I would be more easily available to choose one of those, because those give room for, like you said, it frees me up from having to make an open-ended decision and be like, uh, how is this going to affect you? Because it seems like, well, this person already is okay with these three options, so I'm free to choose whichever one that I feel most comfortable with.
[00:44:41] Alexander: And, and Stevie gets what she's looking for except for Stan to be there with her in that time. So again, paying attention to timeframes and that everybody's on a different timeframe and they're processing things differently. And like you said earlier, she's already had the experience of being with Rio, so she's much more excited than Stan is. So the main part of this is getting away from this making deals and compromise in relationships and being willing to seek out your own happiness and then be open to share that with people around you, but not being forceful or expecting people to have a similar or same experience.
[00:45:20] I remember when I read the book Siddhartha by Herman Hess. I went out and bought 10 copies right away and handed them out to my 10 closest people. And it even created a rift at a Christmas gathering that I had bought one for one of my 14 year old nieces. And because it had a picture of the Buddha on it, it got a major reaction from my family. See, again, that was another good intentions were the death of the wise one, because I didn't take the time to consider anybody resisting that, because it's a fictional book, but it had that kind of effect. So just because something moves us to contain that, be willing to share it, but not expect others to have any close of a similar experience is very, very important.
[00:46:05] Aaron: So getting back to the sacrifice and compromise, and we're talking about it in terms of a conscious relationship, where I feel like the J.U.S.T. Philosophy comes into play, where the point of it all is to look at the energy and be supportive on each person's own journey. I feel that mainstream's version of relationships are a very closely shared journey. I think that's where we get the idea that we have to have shared experiences. And I think that is in all of us, because we've been influenced by society, by movies, by our parents. And that is vastly different where we want to promote the growth of each person, but that can seem challenging, especially if some of that growth challenges or can be perceived to challenge the stability of the relationship in some ways.
[00:46:55] Alexander: Yes. And this gets into typically opposites attract and the opposites attract from a physics standpoint in relationships because we're here to help each other grow. The unfortunate thing is most people aren't looking to grow in relationships. They're looking to stay who they are and want the other person to stay who they are. So many times one person will be inspired, somewhat accidental, so to say, like Rio and Stevie meeting, and that can change somebody's life. Like when you and I met, how that affected both of our lives very, very deeply. And then we can try to share that with somebody else and fail at that because we want them to see it so, so much.
[00:47:37] So again, this is why the role of exemplifying is so much more important than the role of teaching. That if you just go with what the new thing is, and you exemplify over a long period of time, how much it's enhancing your life, it's changing your life, and you don't have to rub it in people's faces, they watch, they see it. Then it creates a question of, Hey, Hey, what are you doing here lately? Cause I see this change in you. See once the question's there, then that's the invitation to bring them in. But most people aren't willing to be the example long enough. They wanna be the teacher. They wanna be the one that found this little pot of gold and they want to go give it to everybody and be like, look at me, thank me for bringing this to you. When I'm trying to get people to see that no, once you get ignited in that way, then go practice that, go do that. Don't worry about everybody else around you. They will start to see your light or that glow get brighter and brighter and eventually they will ask. So there's nothing wrong with inviting people, but be very gentle if you see them hesitate or they do say no. Be completely fine with that because no one's happiness should be dependent on somebody else's participation.
[00:48:53] And with that, one of the main reasons that I study the Human Design and the Destiny Card system is to understand these intricacies and differences with people, because there are certain people out there that are designed that work is the most important thing to them. And so they only need to be with their so-called mate or partner, like maybe three to six days a month. See if two of those people get together, then they have no problem meeting somewhere different. Maybe one of 'em works on an airline or something like that, and meeting and having these schedules. But the problem comes in when one wants it one way, and the other wants it another way. And it's not just around the wants, it's around their design. Because when we live outside of our design, it exhausts our energy. Unless we are practicing to live outside of our design intentionally, then that builds energy. But that's not where most people are.
[00:49:49] So see, being able to be realistic in love, part of love is allowing those around you to be who they naturally are, not to be who you want them to be. So we've gotta get out of that view of love is connected to control. And that's really the exact opposite of what love is, is very similar to the way that I love my cat, it's an indoor outdoor cat. Jaco. Many listeners know of Jaco. And I literally let him in and out on my home whenever he goes to the door and asks. And even during bad weather, I'll have people say, "Well, it's too cold for him to be outside." But see, I allow him to judge that. And so that to me is the way that I want to interact with my animal is to show them the love that you have complete freedom here and I appreciate it when you come back to share time with me. And that's the way that I see the most conscious of relationships work as well. And there's more intimacy in that freedom than there is ever forcing somebody to do something out of guilt or shame.
[00:50:52] Aaron: So what would you say to somebody who thinks that Stan should just go with her. And that's the way of showing his love is going where she wants to go.
[00:51:02] Alexander: Well, I mean, that's a loving action, but when you look at the relationship as a whole, and if I was talking to Stevie and to Stan at the same time, I would say, "Do both of you see it as the most loving act to feel supported and free to do whatever brings you joy? Even if that was watching a baseball game for Stan? Would that be a loving action for Stevie to just support you to watch that game? And you feel her support rather than her nagging, would you call that loving?" I think that he would. And same with Stevie in some kind of scenario to where he supports her to go over and visit with Rio. See, It doesn't have to necessarily be that they don't wanna spend time together, but see if they go over to this party, they're gonna be hanging out with a couple other people, they're not really gonna be interacting that much anyway. So see, I'm all for people doing intimate things together. What I'm not necessarily in support of is when people are forced to do things, and they don't wanna do those things, and then normally that messes up the energy and creates communication problems.
[00:52:10] And it's just an ongoing type of situation to where even Stevie shows resentment for having to come to all of his family stuff. And when in fact probably he didn't want to go to the family stuff. So see if she hadn't have probably pushed him to go, neither one of them would go, and that might set the best example that is needed for the overall good of everyone involved. So this is how when we don't allow each other to truly play our roles optimally, it interferes with everybody that's involved and it creates communication blockages, and it creates avoidance. And that's the opposite of conscious communication in relationships.
[00:52:50] Aaron: I wanna stay a little more time on this, cause I have one more question. When we act unconsciously in relationships, we can tend to train the other person to how we're going to react in certain situations. So for instance, like you brought up possibly Stevie or somebody nagging Stan for watching the baseball game or he values that in some way. Maybe it's just the way he relaxes after a long day or whatever. [Mm-hmm]. I'm not judging it, but in this instance, Stevie is judging it. What if she judges it as bad, as a waste of time? This has happened in my past relationships where somebody thought that me watching sports was a waste of time. But, [sure] you know, I got something out of it, but I wasn't doing it consciously and Stan's probably not watching the game consciously. But if we know how our significant other is gonna react when we do something, it can tend to like, almost change or alter our behavior because we don't want that confrontation.
[00:53:47] Alexander: Sure, sure. So people stop living their Authentic Self. And again, I'm not promoting laziness to just sit around and just watch TV, but the thing is, is that what I have proven with people around me through my life is that when you allow people to do things that you already know they probably question is it a waste of time and you show them support in that. I see more people come around after they feel supported in it, to want to do something different. And this is exactly what happened with me
[00:54:17] possibly 20 years ago or longer. I was watching a Pittsburgh Steelers playoff game. I was so into NFL football and I was at the beach with Sherry, my wonderful partner that passed 15 years ago, and Pittsburgh lost the playoff game. She had been out for a few hours gathering seashells and sand dollars. She came in so excited to show me what she had gathered. And my response was Pittsburgh's lost the playoff, this week is ruined. And I saw her face change in that moment. And the utter embarrassment that I experienced in that moment.
[00:54:54] Because see, she supported me to do that, to watch that game. Because she knew how important it was to me, while she went out and did something real in the world. And then she came back to share it with me and my response to her was so embarrassing now looking back. And so that's when I stopped watching sports for 10 years and I made an agreement with myself that I would never watch another sporting event as long as I had any attachment. But see, that was done through her accepting me and then me being able to see that ugliness in myself and then her not harping on it or anything. And so understanding that just because you accept something in somebody does not mean that you approve it or condone it. Once again, you're just giving them an opportunity to see it clearly for themselves.
[00:55:43] Aaron: Yeah. And you're kind of releasing that push and pull energy of that back and forth. You're spot on with that, at least in my experience because the more somebody doesn't want me to do something I'm gonna [push against] have that urge to wanna do it.
[00:55:55] Alexander: Yes. And here, you know, another one of the options that could have been for Stevie is, "Hey, I understand Stan. I'm very excited to visit with them. How about you watch the game and if any point you wanna come over, please shoot me a text or whatever. I'll meet you at the gate. And I'd love to introduce you to these people."
[00:56:11] And then the game could turn out to be a very sorry game, but because he got the support, at some point he might say, "Hey, let me just turn this off. This isn't even enjoyable," and be willing to go over there and see, willingly go and visit with them for a little while, but it doesn't have to be as long as Stevie wants to be there. So again, giving people options, especially projectors and reflectors, is very, very important. And the other types respond in, in other ways.
[00:56:39] Aaron: And then we also mentioned that Stevie had projected onto Stan the judgment that she initially had for Rio when he just had questions for what was going on because he needed more information to make a decision.
[00:56:52] Alexander: Yes. Cause many people need to know the terms of the situation, the more details, you know? So it did come across that Stan was being very judgemental. He was even asking about race, about ethnicity, and to a lot of people, unfortunately, that is important because it's almost them preparing for the situation. And again, I think the less that Stevie reacts to that, but can show him a different experience that she had, because I don't know that she's necessarily sure of Rio's gender and she didn't get an answer from where she was from geographically. And so there's a lot of questions that Rio redirected and I think that Stevie wound up appreciating that, and that's what she was carrying some frustration with, with Stan is she wants to redirect that in him as well. But again, this is putting somebody else on our timeframe. And I think she can get much further by being a little bit more accepting, and being a little more individual about, getting her contentment and happiness.
[00:57:53] Aaron: And you mentioned you wanted to discuss why frustration is a good signal for self reflection.
[00:57:58] Alexander: Yes. Because normally when frustration comes in, especially when somebody else is involved, there's an aspect that they are exemplifying that you either exemplify yourself or that you've been working on for a while, or that you feel like you have already moved through. And so the frustration can show up when we don't want to see that anymore. And we don't wanna be around anybody that's like that because it reminds us that we've been like that for a long period of time. So that's why, and this has been my greatest teacher in all of the emotions, frustration and insecurity for me. And when I was able to turn frustration as that mirror and begin to not judge it, but see it as a teacher, as a messenger, then it helped me to drop the friction. And once the friction is dropped, the energy can flow much easier. And that's what helped to dissipate my pain that I carried in my chest for over five years.
[00:58:53] Aaron: And to end this episode, I wanted to share a quick story where in my life I was very much like Stevie is in this episode. And I didn't know until later on. So when I had first met Alexander, I had gotten into this relationship and I was very much like Stevie. I was inspired by Alexander. I was all about this philosophy because it was just something new and something that I was looking for at the time. And it just all like clicked for me, everything that I had picked up, observed subtly, it all made sense and put pieces together. And it wasn't until years later I was talking to this person who I was with at the time, and they mentioned that their friends, who we hung out with around that time, they were like, "Why does he keep talking about this Alexander Guy? Why is he so infatuated with him?" And then looking back, I had no idea how much I was actually talking about you. But I guess I was just, just, I wanted to share the stuff that I was getting from you, the new perspectives on life that just shook my reality in a good way, with every other person that I came in contact with that I felt like was living the mundane life.
[01:00:07] Alexander: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And again, that's just defined by that good intentions are the death of a wise one, and to instead of jumping to that teacher role and sharing, to jump to the example and wait for the question to come of what are you doing, or are you doing something different? And I also appreciate when people just discuss the philosophy more than me necessarily. That helps to keep a personal level out of it. And it is about the philosophy and it's not about Alexander and that's what I've worked very hard to get across on this podcast and any platform that I'm on. I just wanna share this system, or this way of life, this philosophy that I feel like can be very beneficial for a lot of people on the planet and we seem to be going in that direction.
[01:00:49] So, I really appreciate everyone that's listening out there. Everybody that's working on yourselves to whatever level that is. I respect that and I tip my hat to you. So much love on your journey.
[01:01:00] Aaron: Yeah, we appreciate you all. Thank you for joining us for the Complete Conversation.