In this chapter of Inward Journey, Stevie “convinces” Stan to go with her to the new neighbor’s house, Rio and Haven. There, they experience a unique house full of instruments, vinyl records and balanced energy. Stevie and Stan get an introduction to the Destiny Card and Human Design systems and learn a little bit about their Cosmic Design. Some of the themes discussed in this episode are relationship dynamics around sacrifice and compromise and why conscious relationships don’t support this competitive energy, importance of informing when making a change, handing frustration around our past choices and how to hold space for a friend and family member and many more.
Story written by: Alexander
Story read by: Elena Maggio
Music by: Alexander
[00:00:21] Storyteller: Wise Whys - Inward Journey
[00:00:33] Episode 8: The Neighbors Get Together
[00:00:36] It was Friday evening and dusk was setting in. Feeling rushed, Stevie and Stan walked towards their neighbor’s house about 15 minutes late from the time on the invitation. They paused at the gate connecting the two yards.
[00:00:49] Stevie said “Come on, Stan. Please at least pretend you want to be here and try to interact in the conversation from time to time. Please.”
[00:00:58] Stan replied, ”What do you want me to talk about? Oh, I know… How about the game I’m not going to get to see tonight. I’ll talk about that?”
[00:01:06] Stevie, frustrated, 'Ugh. Great, Stan. That's just great. Knock it off and be an adult for a few hours.”
[00:01:15] Reaching the top of their neighbor’s stairs, “Knock, Knock,” Stevie exclaims verbally as she taps Rio’s screen door lightly with her knuckles. Peering through the screen, “Anyone home? Sorry we are a little late…, I, I, I mean, please pardon our tardiness.”
[00:01:31] Stan scoffed, “Why did you just say it like that?”
[00:01:34] As Rio’s face appeared through the screen, Rio said, “Hahahaha. Listen to you, Child. Nice correction. I see you remember our discussion around sorry. Come in, Dear Ones, and you must be Stan.”
[00:01:50] The screen door screeched as it opened and closed. Rio continues, “Welcome to our home. Please feel free to kick off your shoes and make yourselves comfortable. This is my partner Haven.”
[00:02:03] "So lovely to have you here! Please, welcome. Follow me to the social room where we can sit. Can we offer you something to drink? Some tea, coffee, beer, or wine?”
[00:02:16] As Stevie and Stan followed Haven, Stevie said “Yes, please. Some green tea for me would be great.”
[00:02:23] Stan shyly responded, “Nothing for me, thanks.”
[00:02:27] Rio headed to the kitchen as Haven, Stan and Stevie continued towards a room connected to their back porch with a sliding glass door. As Stan and Stevie looked around, they both noticed many instruments. African masks, pictures of Jesus and the Buddha. Poetry and string lights lined the walls tastefully. Plants were everywhere, and a waterfall on a side table added to the ambiance. There was incense burning as well as rhythmic music playing low in the background.
[00:03:00] Stan quickly noticed there was what looked like a vintage vinyl stereo setup, old school style. With the big speakers, a turntable, and a receiver.
[00:03:12] Stan, “ Nice system, is that a Sansui receiver?”
[00:03:17] Haven says, “Well, sounds like you know your vintage stereo equipment. Are you a collector?”
[00:03:23] Stan responds while staring at the floor, “No, not really. Maybe sometime soon.”
[00:03:29] “Well it’s always so nice to have another music lover to connect with Stan. Oh and Stevie, what are you passionate about?”
[00:03:38] Stevie paused for a moment “Ugh, there's that question again…”
[00:03:43] At that time Rio entered the room. "Stan, would you like the other glass of beer? No pressure.”
[00:03:50] Rio handed Stevie her tea and Haven the other beer.
[00:03:54] Stan, fumbling with words, “Uhhh, a beer? Sure. Thank you.”
[00:04:01] Rio says, “Cheers everyone. To new community and revisiting old friends. Now Stevie, you were saying?”
[00:04:09] Stevie exhales and replies, “There’s that question again.”
[00:04:14] “What am I passionate about? Well, you know what it’s not??? Being an administrative assistant. It’s not being a suburban housewife. It’s not being a plain Jane. It’s not being this plain Jane,” as she pointed to herself.
[00:04:29] Stevie’s eyes welled up. Sniffling, she pulled it together and said, “You know what? Kids. I want to work with kids. Help kids in some way. I don’t know, maybe just be the big sister I never had. I just feel like I want to give back in some way rather than filing paperwork at the local dentist office.”
[00:04:49] In response, Rio quietly suggested, “Let’s everyone sit and hold hands. Everyone close your eyes and hold an intention for Stevie to gain clarity on this subject of service to kids.”
[00:05:05] After a few minutes passed, the record that was playing came to a stop. Everyone slowly opened their eyes. They released their hands and all four took a sip of their beverage before speaking.
[00:05:17] Haven spoke softly, “I hope I didn’t offend or pressure you with that question, Stevie.”
[00:05:24] “No, not at all. This is a subject that Rio and I touched on the first time we met. I also just had a wonderful experience of releasing Wednesday night around who I am and what I want to do. You were there reminding me, Rio.”
[00:05:38] Haven asked, “Oh Stan, any suggestions of what to play next? Please come over and look at the albums and pick one out for us.”
[00:05:48] Stan says, “Sure” as he stood up, walked over and began thumbing through their fairly extensive collection. He then exclaimed, as if surprised, “Very impressive collection. Who is Dead Can Dance? Oh, by the way, I liked this Ali Farke Toure that was playing as we came in. Ok, Spirit Chaser it is”.
[00:06:12] Rio replies, “Yes, one of my favorite Dead Can Dance records. Great choice Stan. That will set the mood nicely.”
[00:06:20] Stevie smiles and says, “Nice job, Babe.”
[00:06:24] As Stan and Haven sat back down, Stevie pointed to a couple of books open on the floor lying face down.
[00:06:31] “Destiny Cards and Human Design? What are those books about?'' she asked looking in Rio’s direction.
[00:06:39] Rio leaned forward, stretched, and reached for them. These are the astrological tools I use in my mentoring practice.
[00:06:48] Stevie, excited, “Really? Like Virgo, Leo, planets? I mean, I don’t know what I’m talking about, like Tarot cards maybe?” as she chuckles a little embarrassed.
[00:06:58] Rio replies, "Well, kind of. You are on the right track. These two systems utilize the planetary alignments at your moment of birth. I call it your Cosmic Makeup or the path to your Authentic Self."
[00:07:13] Stevie eagerly asks, "Will you please read mine, please? And Stan’s too? Can you share a little about him as well? I have just recently started learning about and using Tarot cards."
[00:07:26] Stan rolled his eyes as Rio replied, “Well, no. This is quite different. I respect all paths and tools. Keep experimenting and learning. What is your birth info, Stevie?”
[00:07:40] Stevie quickly replied, “July 3, 1986. 12:12 Asheville, North Carolina."
[00:07:47] Rio, "Oh, interesting. The 3/5 Manifesting Generator, Queen of Diamonds / Ace of Diamonds. Powerful. And Stan's?"
[00:07:57] Stevie continues, “May 13, 1984. 9:25AM Asheville, North Carolina."
[00:08:07] Rio quietly expressed, “Well, he’s a sensitive one. He is a 5/1, Projector. 6 of Diamonds and 8 of Hearts." Rio continues to explain, “Stevie your 3/5 profile is typically very social but carries a fear of confrontation with a heavy dose of creative energy or restlessness. You optimally need to try things out before committing as a Manifesting Generator. Your Queen of Diamonds may have some deserving issues but you are here to exemplify high values for yourself and others. It is important that you are in alignment with your values. Consider making a list of priorities in your life.”
[00:08:52] “And Stan, you carry a deep level of intuition around what you value with that 6 of Diamonds. You are a caring person and relationships are very important to you as a 8 of Hearts." Rio further explains, “Your 8 of Hearts brings in your sensitive side. Heart people are about relationships, intimacy, and communication. These people are very affected by their environment growing up. Fairness and equality is very important to these types of people. Your 5/1 profile brings in the fear of confrontation like Stevie with the 5 and a need for alone time with the 1. Insecurity is another aspect of the 1. The Projector in you is very influenced by who you are around. They can lift you up or tear you down fairly quickly. Mind your environment to manage your moods and emotions.”
[00:09:48] Stevie interjects, “Louise, Stan! Your mom. Ringing any bells???”
[00:09:53] Haven softly speaks, “We love talking about all this stuff but let’s not to get too heavy in our heads this evening. Maybe that’s enough for now? How about some snacks and it’s time to flip the record. What’s next, stan?"
[00:10:11] Haven leaned over and whispered in Stan's ear, “Aye. Stan, do you care to check the score of the game? Just a peek, Love, and we will be right back. Our secret. Follow me.”
[00:10:24] As Haven and Stan ducked out of the room to check the score of the game, Rio and Stevie headed into the kitchen to put together some snacks and more drinks. The night continued for a couple of hours with light conversation, including laughter infused stories and a few friendly games of dominoes.
[00:10:48] Aaron: Well, that turned into a lovely evening of fun and games, and we weren't sure how it was gonna turn out at the end of the last episode with Stan and Stevie going at it. She was kind of rushing him to get ready. So, it's cool to see the whole experience and even from Stan's point of view, I think he was a little surprised by it.
[00:11:10] Alexander: Yeah. And I think that, that's part of the message that we're gonna get into is that sometimes if we give a situation an opportunity, we can be very surprised by a certain situation or a certain person. And it certainly looked that way because I really felt like Haven went above and beyond to make sure that he felt comfortable.
[00:11:29] And so, it seemed that it wrapped up, came all together, and they all seemed to have a good vibe. So I'm looking forward to hearing the discussion afterwards, maybe in an episode or two down the road and see just what Stan and Stevie did take from this meeting.
[00:11:43] Aaron: And I did just want to take a moment and send Alexander a little praise. He's been doing the music and the sound effects on all the stories. And if, if you've noticed that the last two or three episodes have been legendary [aww], from at least my perspective. And we've kind of come upon this effect where Alexander adds another voice. So there's two voices or even more, I think, if you get down to the, the engineering part of it [mm-hmm] overlapping and we're using this effect to show when an emotional reaction is being shown in the physical form.
[00:12:20] Alexander: Yes. And we want to do it from an artistic standpoint to keep the negative energy out of the story. So that's the intention of that effect is having that, kinda like our inner child that's having that emotional reaction at a lower decibel or a lower volume level so that you still get the effect, but you don't have to pick up all of the so-called bad energy or bad vibes.
[00:12:43] Aaron: So yeah, let us know if you have any sort of opinions on whether you enjoy it or whether it's confusing or scary. I just think we hit on something that nobody else is doing, just that effect, I think takes our stories to the next level. So interested to hear all of your experiences out there.
[00:13:02] Alexander: Thank you. Thank you.
[00:13:04] Aaron: Okay. So, at the beginning of this one, we are starting off where we kind of left off from the last episode where you have Stevie and Stan going back and forth, and there's some banter and it can seem like Stevie forces Stan to go. And of course, nobody can really force us to do anything.
[00:13:24] But I, I think there is this kind of perspective in relationships nowadays where when there's an applied pressure, I think we feel like we have no choice in it. And I'm not saying like Stan should have put his foot down and said, absolutely not. But I think this can just turn into more of a discussion about what, maybe some healthier options are, or just dissect some of this.
[00:13:51] And, you know, in the past we've gotten into the sacrifice and compromise. I think it was episode six in the Inward Journey series. We do have an actual episode in a more logical and linear form on this exact subject, which would be episode 97.
[00:14:08] But Alexander come in here if you wanna share anything on that.
[00:14:10] Alexander: Yeah. So, obligation, I think is a word that fits that well. And yes, many times in most modern relationships, most people have been taught that there is this sacrifice and compromise in relationships and I happen to feel very deeply that you are able to have a more intimate and complete fulfilling relationship, if you don't bring compromise and sacrifice in, it keeps the vibration a whole lot cleaner to where I call this let's make a deal type of relationships. Well, I will do this with you that I don't want to, but then you've gotta do this with me that you don't normally want to. And we'll go a little bit deeper into the full extended version of different examples of that, but this is certainly a very typical type of situation to where one partner really wants to go be social and the other person or partner doesn't.
[00:15:03] And, here they both carry some of that social vibrations as both being fives in the Human Design that we brought up. But Stan is just a little bit more reserved and he's not as social as Stevie is. And she's already met Rio so she's excited. Stan's just going into the unknown. So, but I think he was surprised, like we said earlier, and I think it has an opportunity to open up his mind to possibly what Rio is sharing with Stevie. And it may even aid to bring them closer together, down the road. And I do want to give Haven some props for seeming to go above and beyond to make sure that he was comfortable. And, you know, showing aside that, that they're not just into what Rio's into. They're into the sports as well. And so, maybe that's gonna be a nice connection for Stan as well.
[00:15:59] Aaron: Yeah. I think something that you've said in a past episode around sacrifice and compromise was you get into keeping score. And of course, when you're keeping score there's competition. [mm-hmm] And when there's competition or in a relationship, you're kind of exiting the consciousness of it. And you're bringing in more of what you said, where if, I mean, I guess, I guess you're bringing in the sacrifice and compromise.
[00:16:23] Alexander: Yeah. The let's make a deal stuff. Yeah. [Yeah] Yeah.
[00:16:25] Aaron: And then as they go to Rio's house and Rio answers the door, Stevie says something in a old way and then she corrects herself, being aware that Rio is there. And Stan notices and then asks why she said that, but then that kind of was left out. Like there was no response back from Stevie, but this kind of brings up a question for me is, was Stevie doing this because Rio inspired her to be more conscious about the things that she says, you know, be impeccable with your word, or is she doing this to impress?
[00:16:59] Alexander: Yes. Looking for approval. And of course, Stan wasn't part of their original conversation and it's around the apology or the style of apology of I'm sorry. And Stevie seems to have a habit of just saying that over and over and Rio brought it up to her attention the first time they met. And so, this is kind of a sensitive subject because when people start seeing you change your language or change your actions only around certain people, then that's normally you're looking for approval or they're looking for approval from them. But hopefully Stevie will take this to another level and want to bring that into her every day.
[00:17:40] And, we can carry a little compassion for Stan and even in his scoffing at her, because it sounded different. It was something that he had never heard her say that, "pardon our tardiness". And so, it's where in the beginning of certain levels of work and you're going through these changes. Many times our partners aren't comfortable with that because they are worried about that influence and where that influence is going to take them.
[00:18:07] Aaron: If there's something that kind of backfires where the other person in the relationship feels like that person's changing and the change is affecting their relationship for, you know, could be the negative, then that person is gonna be blamed for bringing that energy in.
[00:18:24] Alexander: Yes, very much. And that's where everyone taking full responsibility and that's even one of the pillars of emotional responsibility and accountability.
[00:18:35] Whether we're being influenced by someone or something external, that external should not be judged because it's still the person, the individual's responsibility, of whether they allow that to influence them and whether it can be explained as to how it is benefiting them and possibly the relationship.
[00:18:55] So then we get into communication. So, informing and maybe Stevie could have talked to Stan sometime over the last couple of weeks and mention just that she was working on this with this phrase, "I'm sorry". And to find another way to apologize or to just ask the question, is an apology necessary at this time? Because again, a lot of people out there have gotten trained with that, it's a defense mechanism. But they don't really realize what they're saying to their subconscious constantly.
[00:19:28] And I'm very bewildered anyway, of how that phrase got attached to apologizing. But I do feel like that you can say it in a different way or do it in a different vibration. For me, an apology for myself that I like to share with people is to recognize what you did incorrectly, or did you need to work on. Moving forward, how you were gonna work on shifting that vibration, that language, or whatever it is. And then where you want to be optimally as to be completely done with that word or phrase, or just be completely rejuvenated and renewed it with a whole different phrase and different meanings.
[00:20:10] So there is a way to apologize on a much more conscious level and that's through normally what we call the Three Rs. Is you Recognize the person, the place or the thing. You Respect it by stopping the judgment, and then you simply Redirect it. So in this case, when we see something that we've done so called wrong, we just wanna recognize it. We wanna respect it by stopping the judgment and then just redirect the energy in a more beneficial direction.
[00:20:40] Aaron: And I have a personal experience of how Stevie met Rio and the energies of wanting to change came in and how that affected her relationships. This is similar to the way I met you, Alexander, and in the complete conversation, I'll share an experience that I've had and how that affected my relationships to give more insight on this.
[00:20:59] When the question of passion came up again from Rio, Stevie kind of had a little bit of an emotional reaction as she was saying probably something that she's been thinking for a while, since the original question came up. And again, like I could resonate with this when there's some frustration around maybe yourself, maybe your life, you know, because this question has allowed her to reflect on a lot and a lot of what she's unhappy with in her life. And I think there's some inspiration but also maybe some self-induced pressure to make a change and find a way to change it, because she's not happy. And I think sometimes the more we dig, the more we find out how unhappy we are and we may have just been stuck in a subconscious loop and now we're kind of breaking out of it.
[00:21:46] So she was initially just discussing what that question has brought up for her. And then it kind of got to a point where you could tell some more emotion was coming out of it.
[00:21:57] Alexander: Yes and I think that just turned into frustration. And a lot of people experienced that when they first wake up, so to say, or start seeing things in life differently. And as you said, it can create an avalanche. Once you start digging into what doesn't serve you. And that's kind of where it seemed like Stevie had gotten here is that I don't feel like she's angry or really that upset but just frustrated at just maybe how long she's been doing nothing. And now she's so ready to do something.
[00:22:28] And so, to all your listeners out there that are going through shifts, remember, gradual changes over long periods of time equals lasting results. And we've been taught way too often to make things happen way too fast and expect things to happen way too fast. And so, just chop your wood, carry your water, and time will take care of the rest of it.
[00:22:50] Aaron: And Rio recognizes that Stevie is having this emotional reaction, or maybe the change in energy that this question has brought up in her. And I noticed that she kind of redirected the energy of Stevie and everybody to a more grounded activity where they sat down and held hands.
[00:23:09] Alexander: Yes, and that was a great example of the Three R's and just coming together sometimes can help an emotional person that seems to be going in a downward spiral, to connect with people that are grounded and centered. And I think that was a great example of shifting the vibration.
[00:23:28] Aaron: So it seems like Rio and Haven, they were very aware of the energies that Stevie and Stan were kind of putting off in their environment, in this experience. And I don't know if Stevie had maybe somehow had a conversation with Rio at some point in between them getting the invitation and them arriving on that Friday evening, but it seemed like Haven knew that Stan was into sports. We don't know what he was wearing, maybe he was wearing the hat of the local sports team and [mm-hmm] and maybe it was intuitive play on her behalf, but it seemed like they did a lot to manage the energy of the room and the situation and to diffuse any sort of, maybe even judgements that Stan may have had.
[00:24:13] I mean, they knew this was the first time they're meeting him and the world has judgments. And in the story we, we learned through Stan and Stevie's eyes the description of the house that they're in and all the musical instruments and the incense, and you kind of can feel like, okay, this is like a stereotypical judgment that we can place on these people. They're more like the hippie crowd. They're probably would you say they're in their fifties? I don't know if we've ever talked about their age.
[00:24:40] Alexander: I think so.
[00:24:42] Aaron: So they're kind of like older hippies and so you can kind of like place judgements and that's probably what Stan was doing. I mean, I think we all inherently do it is just, you know, some people are just better at telling those thoughts that now is not the time and being open and aware to take in the whole experience.
[00:24:59] And I think when Haven asked Stan if he wanted a beer, I think that kind of shocked him a little bit because he was like, " these people drink beer?" I just thought internally that it seems like Haven and Rio are just well balanced. They don't have judgments [mm-hmm] and I think that's kind of- there's like this, when we get into the judgements of the hippie, we kind of look at okay, they dress a certain way. They do certain things. They have certain decorations. But that in itself is kind of like a judgment placed on them that they judge other things. And so it was good to see a well-rounded perspective on the world. And that's kind of what we talk about on the J.U.S.T. Philosophy is being neutral and for them not to have beer or to consider that anybody else would not drink beer would be, you know, having a preference or having a judgment on other people. But it was just good for me to see that, wow. These people are very neutral about a lot of things and accepting.
[00:25:55] Alexander: Yes. Yes. And, obviously they are energetically sensitive and maybe they're just well versed at dealing with new people, judging them in this. And I think it's very important to them to represent that non-judgment and that well-roundedness and showing that, two people can be together, that one is really into this deep, more metaphysical stuff, and another one may not be as, quite as deep into it and still into sports. And yes, maybe drinking some alcohol and things like that.
[00:26:29] So showing the diversity that conscious relationships don't have to be just like two people doing the exact same things, the exact same way. That the diversity is important as well.
[00:26:41] And so again, we look forward to getting deeper and deeper into the extended version and dissecting this subject and many more that we've already discuss.
[00:26:52] Aaron: And one more thing before we transition into the complete conversation of this episode, Alexander, we did finally hear the Human Design and the Destiny Cards come up in the actual story. And for those who aren't aware that we use these two tools within the J.U.S.T. Philosophy, do you want to give a little brief overview of what they are?
[00:27:12] Alexander: Yeah, sure. The Destiny Card system is really based off of 10,000 year old Egyptian numerology, using the suits and the cards to differentiate aspects of different people.
[00:27:24] And that system's really good at showing your personality side and your higher self. And sometimes we need to leave part of our personality behind to step into that higher self. And then the Human Design is a great system to help you to understand the subtle energies, the energetics of how you're affected by the world, and how the world affects you.
[00:27:44] So that's just a brief overview of those two systems, but combined, they carry quite a wallop in understanding how to get to our Authentic Selves.
[00:27:53] Aaron: And if you are wondering. At home, while listening to this, what your Human Design and Destiny Cards are, feel free to reach out to Alexander. You can head over to TheJustPhilosophy.com and there's a contact form there. You can shoot an email to him there and you'll be able to learn more about your energetic blueprint.
[00:28:12] Alexander: Yeah. So let's get together and journey, beautiful people.
[00:28:14] Welcome everyone. Thank you for joining us.
[00:28:17] Aaron: The biggest word that I got out of the first part of this conversation was the term obligation. I felt like that did properly fit the situation that we saw in this story where we have a couple in a relationship and one of them wants to do one thing, the other one doesn't really want to, but they feel an obligation to. And maybe that's because they don't wanna face the consequences or the blow back of what could happen if they decide they don't. So when we're talking about these modern relationships, it feels like these sort of energies are built into it, where if one person doesn't do what another person really wants them to do, it's like they are failing the relationship. They should voluntarily do whatever that person wants, and then that person will have to eventually do whatever they want, if it is sort of a relationship that's being balanced in that way. But I do feel like an obligation thing is, or that word is, kind of how it's treated in these relationships.
[00:29:24] Alexander: Yes. It's very, very common. And I just want to share a different view of what I call an aspect of conscious relationships, is that you don't want your partner to do anything that they don't want to do. Why would you want that energy as part of something that you want to go do?
[00:29:42] So what I like to suggest is, everyone should always be invited. "Hey, I'm going to go visit my family. Would you like to go? I would love for you to go with me." And if my partner says that they don't want to go, maybe they've got some emotional processing they need to do. Maybe they've got some friends or family that they need to contact. I want to support them to do what they feel like they need to do in that moment. And my happiness and contentment of going to visit my family is not reliant on their participation. And I think this is just a whole different concept to people, but if you truly love someone, the very first aspect of love, from my perception, is freedom.
[00:30:29] And if you're willing to give that person their freedom and not make it an obligation that your happiness is dependent on their participation. And many times that is forced and people go and do things they don't want to go do. And then they have to hear that their energy's not good or they're not involved in the conversations, like those kinds of things. So we actually push our loved ones to play roles that they're not comfortable with playing, to be inauthentic, to put on a show. And many times, especially around families, the person doesn't wanna deal with their family asking where their husband, or their wife, or whatever is at. But see, that's a teaching opportunity, to be able to say, " Oh, she's taking care of herself today and she's staying at home and she's had a very busy week and I support her to do that. And it helps us to stay in balance and connected when we both are able to get whatever we need when we need it."
[00:31:28] See that's a teaching moment. It's an opportunity to be an example of something different. I just want to sprinkle that in there for all your listeners to just consider what that would be like. That if you could do whatever you wanted to do and experience that somebody else's participation was not needed for you to enjoy and find happiness in that action. And at the same time, if you truly love that person, why would you want to force them to do something that they don't want to do? Normally it's around, how other people view the situation.
[00:32:03] And so that's why typically what happens is people just follow the pattern of the masses. And this is a concept outside of the masses view, but it's one worth pursuing and trying to experience anyway. And I've had people say, "Well, well, what if we just never wanna do anything together?" Well, then that might need to be looked at of why are you together? And if you don't enjoy doing the same types of things, are you really developing any intimacy or are you just putting on a show of a relationship, whether that's for kids, or for family, or for whatever. But that's really worth looking at. Because I see a lot of relationships, and I do a lot of relationship consulting, of people just trying to force their mate to do things.
[00:32:53] And I see the negative ripples just go out and out and it goes into the kids and it affects the environment of the way the kids are being raised. And then they have to work on these issues as well.
[00:33:04] Aaron: Yeah. I think even when we consider the term conscious relationships, I feel like if somebody hasn't heard this perspective, the way they would look at it with this like kind of limited knowledge is conscious in this way means awareness. So I would say people might hear that and think, "oh, well, I'm aware of my partner's needs. I'm tapped into them." But we're talking about like taking it to a whole nother level where it's about both people moving toward and being supported by the other person to go toward their Authentic Self. And of course, this is kind of mapped out in what we just talked about at the close of the free part, which is the Human Design and the Destiny Cards. This helps to clarify your energetic makeup, who you're kind of supposed to be on this plane. And so a conscious relationship would be the other person kind of supporting that. And even if that means them growing apart, that's ultimately, you're putting consciousness before love and we even have an episode on love or consciousness, you know, which one are you pursuing in as you go about your relationships throughout your life.
[00:34:14] Alexander: Yes. And I find that it's a subject that's very challenging for most people, because most people just haven't had another type of relationship exemplified. And I see most relationships are just what I call survival. They're just trying to survive each other. And that to me was never entertaining in any way of something that I wanted to go in the direction of.
[00:34:39] And I happen to feel that yes, love is about not controlling. Love is the opposite of controlling. And so if you're too scared to give your partner freedom, then you might need to look inside at your codependent issues or your insecurities. And this is what runs a lot of relationships is codependency issues and insecurities. And that is not working toward our Authentic Self or consciousness, but see, that can work in so-called love relationships because they say, "Well, that's just the way that he or she is. And I love them anyway." And that is compassionate. it's not likely to change. So I don't think most people realize that, Hey, you're going to be in this friction the majority of your life, because if this person isn't working to change this action, and you want to go about it in a different way, there's just gonna be friction there continuously.
[00:35:36] So really dissecting and looking at what is important to all of you in your relationships. I happen to feel that respect is possibly more important than love in relationships. I know people that love each other, but they don't really respect each other. And it's very challenging if you don't respect each other to develop in any way, shape, or form.
[00:36:02] So that's just another little tidbit to look at the importance of respect in intimate relationships and how important that truly is because that's where judgment just annihilates respect many times. Because anybody that has a different view than you, the majority of the time, there's a lack of respect lost in that. And again, this is why practicing, allowing everybody to have the right to whatever view they have just as you have the right to the view that you have.
[00:36:35] And hopefully we can continue to come together and see that these opposites have to exist. It's the law of polarity. There's nothing that can exist on this planet without the opposite existing. So this idea of overcoming and getting everybody to think the way that you do is exhausting and futile.
[00:36:53] Aaron: Yeah, you mentioned that somebody might live unhappy. Like when would a relationship like that get better? What's probably gonna happen is the strongest person is gonna dominate the weaker person. And eventually that person is just gonna detach emotionally. And so you're losing the intimacy and you're kind of breaking that person because they're seeing that it's just easier to withdraw [mm-hmm] and not argue just to get along. And so I don't know, I don't wanna be in that type of relationship.
[00:37:24] Alexander: Absolutely not. And the other thing that needs to be seen is that when you shut the door to intimacy, it's not just with that one person. You can't shut it to one person and it be open to all these other people. So see, normally when one's getting beat down in one relationship, it affects all of their relationships.
[00:37:43] So again, this is very challenging in the idea of consciousness or self growth because it is like what you were just talking about, like breaking somebody or slowly tearing them down over a period of time. And this is why we talk about stepping into your power or standing in your Authentic Self. It doesn't mean that you have to be right. It's just that you're educating people around you how the Divine created you and to work towards being in that vibration is the people that I have seen that carries the most contentment, the most peace in their lives, and that's certainly been the path that I've been on for over 25 years. That instead of focusing on what I want in this life, which all of our wants has been dictated and taught to us, either through resistance or harmony, normally for whoever we wanted to get approval of.
[00:38:39] So following something, besides our wants, following the path that was divinely laid out for us, and to come connected with that, that's why it's more fulfilling because the wants never stop. But when you get fulfilled, that's a feeling way beyond getting what you want.
[00:39:00] Aaron: And I don't know where people would get this information other than the J.U.S.T. Philosophy and this podcast. Because, I mean, in my limited seeking this information- I mentioned a long time ago that I watched Married at First Sight, a reality show and they had like psychologists there or counselors to counsel these people who were meeting for the first time and getting married throughout their, you know, so-called marriage, and they would say the same things, sacrifice, a compromise are all part of marriage, and this is what you have to learn to do.
[00:39:30] And even a spouse that is talking to their friends to get advice. They're gonna regurgitate the same thing because that's what's in the industry of counseling. That's- [mm-hmm] I don't know where it came from and why it's established that way, but I think they're just talking about success of a marriage as far as it being longevity. So the more you can just stick it out, [Yeah] the more successful your marriage is. And of course, in a conscious relationship, we're not really, that's not really a consideration in a way.
[00:40:00] Alexander: Yes. And another big factor that people will try to bring up is saying that that means that you're always looking to see everything the same. And no, that's not the case. The case is, is that you understand, and the more you get to know your partner, the more either similar or different that you begin to understand your views are. And so that doesn't mean that you have to always be in agreement, but if you truly love this person and you have a different view than them, then from time to time why wouldn't you want to support them in that view? That doesn't mean that your view is wrong.
[00:40:37] So see, all I'm suggesting is rather than having this, oh gosh, this sacrificing like attitude. And I gotta go to this family gathering with her because she wants me to blah, blah, blah, blah. You could take a moment and in consciousness go, "You know what? I love this woman. And no, I had other plans besides going to her families today. But, I want to go with her and I want to be with her and I'm going to go be with her. And that's the energy I'm gonna take."
[00:41:06] See that doesn't mean that he didn't have to overcome a want so to say, but see, once he makes the decision to be part of it, it's either a useful energy that you're taking, that everybody's gonna benefit from, or it's a non-useful energy that people are still gonna pick up on and the snide comments and things like that.
[00:41:29] So see, it's not that you're always going to be an absolute harmony, but it is that you learn not to be selfish when you're in love and you learn that there are gonna be times that y'all don't want to do the same things at the same time. And if you can't make that switch, then choose not to be part of it, to not take negative energy into what they want to enjoy. But when you can be willing to make that switch. See, that's not, I'm not gonna label that as sacrifice. That's love. That's that I would rather be doing something else, selfishly, but I love this person and I want them to feel my support. So I'm going to go with them and it's not going to be a keeping score, because see it's elective. The elective is the attitude that you're taking with to go and do that. So I wanted to, to bring that up as a point as well.
[00:42:25] Aaron: Yeah. I'm glad you did. Because we didn't want people thinking that no, you should just go do whatever the hell you want and not have any of that because, in this situation like you're saying, you are making the choice, and you're doing it consciously, so you really should not ever bring that up as a, in a jab. Like, oh, well, I went here because no, you chose to consciously go. If that's the deal in the conscious relationship between two people, there's none of that because everybody's doing what they consciously are choosing to do.
[00:42:59] Because if you did that, if that comes up and you're like, okay, well, I did go because you wanted me to go and because I want you to do well, that's really kind of on you because if you are practicing having a conscious relationship and you did it for another reason-
[00:43:14] Alexander: Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't. Again, the sacrifice is you're doing it for somebody else. It's not a sacrifice when you are doing it because you want to support your partner. That's not a sacrifice. See, you're doing that for your own vibration. So here, we're always talking about the vibration, the frequencies that you're putting out.
[00:43:33] And of course, as we began this story, Stan was in resistance and Stevie could feel that. And so she was saying, can you at least act like you want to come do this? And will you please like interact in the conversation some? And he was still resistant, but Haven and Rio both did such a good job of, of kind of pulling him along, but not making him feel alienated or anything like that. And I think that was a good example.
[00:44:01] Aaron: All right. Well, I really feel like we went a lot deeper into that subject. And even though we just did talk about it a couple episodes ago and we have a full episode on it, I really feel like we got something new out, for those who want to dive deeper into sacrifice and compromise.
[00:44:14] But moving on, we have Stevie changing and altering the way that she says something to Rio. After she says it her old way, she catches herself, changes the way she says it. And we kind of briefly talked about or bringing the question, is she utilizing inspiration from Rio or because she's in Rio's presence, is she more aware? Because I also feel like I do this in your presence because you're a reminder to me. Your role is a reminder to me to be more conscious. So I may be talking about things and realize that I'm being more conscious about the words that I'm using. And so I then maybe choose different words or correct myself. So is she using as inspiration or is she trying to impress or even, I think there's even a third question to this or an option here is she wanting to sound like she's coming from an authority, like she knows it, and that's kind of like an ego part of it.
[00:45:12] Alexander: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think, we don't know exactly where Stevie was coming from at this point, but it seemed pretty Authentic to me. But, see communication can always clear or typically clear these types of questions up. That, as she said that and corrected herself and Stan scoffed, she could have just taken a moment and said, "Yes, Rio has helped me to see that changing my phrasing of apology can help me on the energetic side." Not that Stan's going to understand that, but it would help him to not just think that Stevie's just doing it to impress Rio. That there's a reason for it and that Stevie understands that reason. So many times people will be asked about that, but they won't have an explanation.
[00:45:59] And that's where it starts to look like that you're just doing it to impress this person. And that's almost always gonna create friction between partners because most partners are very sensitive of who's influencing their partner. And Stevie started this journey before she met Rio. So all of this isn't exactly brand new to Stan, but I think a small, little bit of informing right there could've helped clear that up pretty quickly and maybe they will get to that, their discussion after this evening.
[00:46:32] Aaron: The question we just brought up is good to ask yourself if you are watching yourself change, just checking in and asking yourself, why am I doing this? Is it because I do feel and, and see the pros of changing myself in this direction or is there some sort of impression or, or ego part of it?
[00:46:52] Alexander: Yeah. So the separation again is in the explanation to say, no, I'm doing this for me. I'm not doing this just because Rio said it. Now, I agree that the more that I say the phrase, I'm sorry, what that could do to my subconscious. So that's how to keep it from just that it's too impress this person or to put on airs is that you can actually explain like what you're learning from this information that you've received.
[00:47:20] Aaron: And I did wanna bring in a personal story, which I kind of feel like plays into how Stan is kind of looking at Stevie in this instance, seeing her make changes and maybe they weren't informed or maybe down the road, he may experience her changing more in ways that may eventually affect the relationship to a point where he may blame Rio for Stevie's behavior.
[00:47:46] Alexander: Sure.
[00:47:47] Aaron: And so it brings me back to when I first met you and I was in a relationship and the more I learned- and I feel in this instance, Stevie is honestly, genuinely, she gets why Rio explained to her and she wants to change the way. And so she is correcting yourself. Rio was just a reminder.
[00:48:06] Alexander: Right?
[00:48:06] Aaron: Because it feels very similar to how I utilize you. And so anyway, I met you and this person I was with near the same at the same time. And as the relationship was progressing and my relationship with you and the work was progressing- I feel like when people start getting into self development work, at first it seems easy. Oh, I get this logically and I can just change the words I use. [Mm-hmm] And you feel like you're like a master suddenly, because you feel like it's easy, but once you start, it's like an onion, [mm-hmm] and once you start peeling the layers off, it gets deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and more trauma comes up and it almost becomes like you're releasing or becoming aware of more trauma than you have the tools to deal with at the time. [Mm-hmm]
[00:48:52] And so from a spouse or somebody in a relationship, to that partner, it can seem like you're getting worse because you're trying to correct the things, but you're getting frustrated because you can't. You don't have the tools, or the experience, the way to exemplify yet.
[00:49:09] And so I was getting frustrated at not being able to, and still seeing myself do the same patterns, but also logically knowing that I didn't want to do that. And so I don't know, it was just a big mess because it takes time. It takes years of doing this in practice [years] and that person is seeing me. almost like become worse in how I handle myself. But to me, like I knew where I was and I felt like I was getting better because my perspectives were changing, but it was just, you know, it hasn't reached on all Five Levels and so we can bring in the levels here.
[00:49:46] So anyway, I feel like we get worse before we get better. And if that person isn't ready for that they can experience a decline in maybe how you relate to them, and how confrontation happens, and fights-
[00:50:01] Alexander: And how they relate to the influence. And that's the blame I think was where you originally started.
[00:50:07] Aaron: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then it can seem like, "Okay, well, this person before they met this influence or got into this was a different person and now they're just worse. So it's definitely this person". And so I can see how maybe Rio might eventually be blamed for something.
[00:50:23] Alexander: Sure, sure. And many times, whether it's teachers or coaches or mentors or whatever it is, can get pegged with negativity. And sometimes it's deserving, but many times it's just a projection of fear from the person they're working with's mate. And, so that's very common in this world, in the holistic world.
[00:50:44] But anybody that's ever done any kind of detox, whether it's a liver detox or anything like that, it's very similar. You have to feel kinda worse, many times, before you feel better. And that's the art of detoxing of anything, is the intensity and the time that you give it. Because you don't have to feel nauseous doing a liver detox, but if you detox too quickly, you will. So see the art in that is learning to ride that edge to not go into feeling nauseous. And in the self development work, it's very similar, but normally you have to put 5 to 10 years in before you really start to be able to be an artist with it.
[00:51:28] And to see that you know that it may get worse before it gets better, but you're able to manage that worse, so to say, especially from somebody else's view, and a big help with that is communicating. And when a person can hear you explain why you're doing this change, it helps to take the pressure off of the teacher or wherever they got that information from.
[00:51:53] The problem normally comes in when the person isn't able to explain, on a deeper level, why they're doing this and how long this may take. And please, I would appreciate your patience, and I would like to ask for your patience and your compassion while I work through this.
[00:52:11] Aaron: Yeah, I think the word informing comes into play here.
[00:52:14] And so anybody who's new and is just getting into this, inform the people around you that you love that this is a journey that you're taking. And go ahead.
[00:52:23] Alexander: Yes. And many times, that informing is so important to do before the situation comes at hand. That's true informing. Is that you're talking about the changes you're looking to make before any kind of situation comes up so that it can be possibly absorbed or received by that person. Then when the situation happens and you handle it differently and they go, "who are you? What are you doing?" Then you can say, remember a few days ago when I told you that I was gonna be working on this, this was an example.
[00:52:54] And they might be like, "well, you handled it very poorly". Again, I will ask for your patience and compassion while I work through this. Because breaking these patterns are hard but I'm dedicated to it and I'm gonna do it. And so that sets up through that, informing that, 'Hey, this is going to happen over and over and sometimes you're gonna see me fail because it's not about perfection. It's the gradual changes over LONG periods of time equals lasting results."
[00:53:19] Aaron: You always make saying things seem so easy, Alexander. Okay. So, and then Stevie is asked again about passion by Rio and it kind of ignites something in her where I feel like she starts saying the things that have been in her head going on for the past like week or two since she met Rio and has been really thinking about what is her passion? Because I think she's lived so long without even-
[00:53:46] Alexander: Yeah. Passionless.
[00:53:47] Aaron: Yeah. Without even considering it. So, then she starts bringing it up, what I'm not, and I feel like that's her kind of saying like what she's not gonna put up with, within herself. And I think some of the frustration is brought in maybe because she's upset at how long she's lived without a passion or why she's allowed herself to not be happy, to not feel that.
[00:54:14] And it kind of reminds me of, in past episodes I've talked about my lack of willpower over the past couple years. And now I feel like I'm on top of that because I've put myself in a situation where it was just me and either I'm gonna fail or I'm gonna achieve my intention. And I've definitely refired that back up internally, but I would get frustrated talking about it if it was brought up in a conversation [mm-hmm] because I was tired of allowing myself a break, you know, just looking the other way when I relaxed versus checking off another thing on my list. Of course there's a balance there, but there comes a time when you get frustrated at your own behavior and lack of moving forward.
[00:54:55] Alexander: Yes. And this is the majority of arguments between partners is, is just this. Something gets pointed out that the person's already aware of, ashamed of, embarrassed of, and so it creates this emotional reaction, and it is a delicate situation because, you know, I have a question of when is enough, enough? We talk about the Divine Feminine energy, Divine Masculine energy, and a big part of the Divine Masculine energy is that willpower, is being able to push through resistance and perseverance in working with structure and discipline and those types of things. But see, all of that is beautiful. It's not as ugly as the perversion of our corporate world and how they have perverted that. And I'm not in agreement with that, if there's a balance there. And so these self-judgments is what gets projected out in the world and everyone carries these sensitivities.
[00:55:55] So in this story, I feel like, that yes, that's kind of what she's dealing with is the aggravation, the frustration, the embarrassment, maybe at just acknowledging that she didn't even realize that she had lost some passion. And now she wants it so bad.
[00:56:11] And so, for lots of Manifesting Generators and Generators in the Human Design makeup, our path- which I happen to be a Generator and Aaron's a Generator as well -And our path is process of elimination. So see, we typically know what we don't want better than what we do want. But by going through what we don't want, it eliminates and helps us to get to what we do want.
[00:56:38] So these types of people, many times, are called pessimist or they reign on everyone's parade. But like I said, when you understand, as a partner, that process of elimination is their method to get clarity, then you don't have to take the rejections or you don't have to take them as rejections. You can just take them as you're helping your partner to get to what will work. And so she's very clear about what she doesn't wanna be anymore. And she just throws up finally, out of almost exhaustion, just something with kids. But at least that's a start.
[00:57:12] Aaron: What's a way that if we are experiencing something similar to what Stevie is going through, where all of a sudden we become aware of a behavior of ours and we wanna change it right away, how do we stay out of judgment of the past and don't allow it to bring up like that frustration?
[00:57:30] Alexander: One thing I'd like to suggest is to give yourself at least three months and then look at six months. Because it takes three weeks to make or create a pattern and it takes approximately three months to create a lifestyle change.
[00:57:47] So, yes, people beat themselves up to think that they've gotta do it perfectly, and then they don't and they fail a few times. And then they just give up and say, "what's the point?" rather than accepting that failure is part of succeeding and acknowledging that I'm probably going to have to fail a hundred more times before I get this where I really want it.
[00:58:11] So every time I fail at it, I'm just gonna look at that marking one of those one hundreds off. And then I'm gonna set my intention again and say, "Okay, next time this situation comes up, I'm going to change it in this way, utilizing the Three Rs." Then life will present another situation for you to practice that. You may succeed. If you succeed, don't get too excited. Just like if you fail, don't get on yourself too much. Just as a success go, "Okay. I need to get a hundred of those successes or go through a hundred failures before I really feel like I'm going to be somewhere in this change."
[00:58:50] So that's why I'm suggesting three months, six months, nine months, or a year before you want to actually see this be a changed pattern to whether the majority of the time you're winning or succeeding at this change rather than failing. Just understand that the way that energy works through a physics form is friction is necessary for anything to grow.
[00:59:17] So that friction of recognizing that judgment that you wanna bring, but then setting the judgment to the side and saying, "You know what, that's just one time and I'm gonna reset my intention and next time I'm gonna do better."
[00:59:28] Aaron: I just had an idea as you were talking about the lengths of time, for myself, I like competition. So turning that competition internally, you know, helps with my self development. So when you were saying, when you were talking about staying outta judgment with the failures, because I'm big on being hard on myself, but if I had a calendar and I crossed off each day that I succeeded in something and when I had a failure, have a different color or whatever. But then try to beat your last amount of days.
[00:59:56] Alexander: Mm-hmm.
[00:59:57] Aaron: And if you just keep doing that, eventually you're gonna create that, that new pattern.
[01:00:01] Alexander: Yes. Because one thing we can count on is, as human beings, we get better through repetition. I love competition from the internal standpoint, not an external standpoint. Just as you said, when I can look at this as when I have more successes than I do failures, then I know that I'm starting to arrive.
[01:00:22] But I'm still going to love and appreciate those failures, because they're part of my journey. And the energy that's put into guilt and tearing ourselves down, that can be put into intention and being more prepared for the next time that this situation comes up, which is gonna be more likely for success.
[01:00:42] So again, guilt and shame are two energies that drain us the fastest. The key is to direct that toward inspiration and setting more clear intentions.
[01:00:55] Aaron: And we're running a little along in this episode. So I just kind of wanted to combine some of the last things that I wanted to bring up into kind of one question. Because we talked about how Haven and Rio, both were very aware and balanced the energies for Stevie and Stan to have, you know, their experience that they did. Especially for Stan, because, he went in there not knowing what to expect and it turned out to be different, I think for him.
[01:01:18] But when we are living more of a conscious life and we're conscious about somebody coming into our environment and they may not be on the same level as us or we may understand a certain perspective that they may have anxiety or even we have a friend that is having anxiety. What is the best way, or what's one way that we can help manage like an environment kind of like they did to help the other people in the environment from playing out more of an anxious energy or I guess holding space is actually what I'm trying to talk about. Because I mean, that's kind of what you do when you have your events, when you, you know, you hold space for your clients. So I guess let's boil it down to how can we hold space for somebody or a bunch of people?
[01:02:05] Alexander: Well, it's a, it's a great question and realizing that, I have a saying that, if you feel like you know better than someone else in the room or everyone else in the room, then congratulations, you carry the most responsibility. And that's what I feel like is exemplified here with Rio and Haven. Is that they had a good idea that Stevie's very fresh to all of this information and more than likely Stan is going to be behind her on that.
[01:02:34] So, the art of it is not needing to show off in your environment, especially if you know that somebody is a little concerned or a little uncomfortable. And find ways to make light of whether it's like, if you notice somebody like looking at the pictures of Jesus and the Buddha, and they see some kind of confusion, then you could share like something that maybe you learn from both of them. But make sure that, in that situation, that you're not supporting a religion necessarily, but you're looking at them as teachers and you can even inform that.
[01:03:14] And there was nothing that Rio or Haven like brought to them. They allowed Stevie and Stan to kind of bring up things like, see Stan brought up the stereo system. And so Haven found a sweet spot there to connect with him. And then when Stevie brought up the Human Design and the Destiny Card books, then Rio brought that information in. And then they were great partners because Haven helped to keep it in balance to make sure that it wasn't going dominant toward Stevie and her interests. And that's when Haven suggested that, "Hey, maybe we've talked about this enough. Hey, Stan, would you like to go check on the game?" Another surprise.
[01:04:00] See Stan could have been like, "Oh, I don't follow any sports." and I think that Haven would've been able to handle that as well. But they found just a couple of things that Stan showed a slight interest in and expanded on that to make him comfortable. So when we are so called holding space, especially in a social situation, it's not inauthentic to play off of the interests of the other person.
[01:04:27] That's much more authentic than trying to go, "Oh, look what I can do. Let me play this instrument. Let me do this. Let me throw these astrological systems on you." So that's the art, is learning to make someone comfortable is finding anything that they resonate with and then find a way for you to share some interest that you have in that as well.
[01:04:48] Aaron: Kind of very similar to entertaining a kid, a child who's in a different environment.
[01:04:53] Alexander: Yes. Yes. And I always say that, you know, is a great place to go to when you're trying to figure out how to deal with human beings. What you would do with a seven or eight year old child. How you would communicate with them is a, is a good place to go.
[01:05:08] Aaron: All right. Well, wrapping this up. I really appreciate this conversation. I feel like we, we dove deeper into subjects that we've kind of talked about on a more surface level. So [mm-hmm] I'm grateful for this conversation. And if anybody is wondering what their Human Design or Destiny Cards are, and they wanna learn more about their energetic blueprint, please reach out to Alexander. There's a contact form on his website, TheJustPhilosophy.com.
[01:05:30] Alexander: All right. Thank you everyone. Much love.