You’ve heard the phrase “Love at first sight” but what if, from a conscious perspective, it really is “Attraction at first sight” and Love is something that is actually forms and not simply found? What if our attraction to things like objects and situations have a deeper meaning for our spiritual growth than for us to just blindly follow these energetic pulls?
[00:00:21] Aaron: Welcome back to the Wise Whys Studios. I am Aaron, and I am in the studio with Alexander here.
[00:00:28] Alexander: Welcome, everyone.
[00:00:29] Aaron: We're about to lay down some wisdom around love and attraction. We are revisiting this topic. We touched upon it when we talked about the Five Principles of Relating way back when. I'm not sure it might have been around episode 70s, in that area. So if you're interested in hearing some of the back information that we touched upon, because there are five principles that Alexander laid out, there might have even been a sixth one. I'm not sure there.
[00:00:56] But we're going to be talking about love and attraction and the difference between these two things. Because often, oftentimes in our culture, we seem to get these two confused or merged. And we're here to talk about the differences between the two, and then in the complete conversation, we can even get into how to differentiate in your own relationships, or in your own sort of behavioral patterns, what you tend to go towards, and then some tools and techniques on how to keep yourself in check and really identify where you want to be in your relationships or what your intention is and then how to move more towards that direction.
[00:01:44] Alexander: Yeah, this is a kind of like a playful episode where you know, I want to present this in a way that to get you thinking this is no law or any specific outlook on this so be careful with your defensiveness to any point of view you may have, or think that I'm pushing across. Because really this is a, one of those head scratchers that I've been looking at very deeply for three or four months.
[00:02:17] And it's just so interesting to see that our culture is just directed by attraction so much. I mean, marketing. That's the whole point of marketing is to create this attraction. And so, making the connection between attraction and illusion, that things aren't always what you think they are when they're presented in an attractive way and to see that sometimes love or deep relationships brings consistency, brings trust, brings, like to some people, they can say that it brings boredom, lack of change, that can be, affected by two people's interest in keeping their relationship active and spontaneous. But if not, then what it does is it starts to create an outward looking for attraction in whatever the void is in the relationship.
[00:03:21] And I, in my private practice, I do a lot of relationship consulting and I see a lot of beautiful relationships that start to diminish because the people point or focus on this certain level of attraction that they don't feel like they're getting with their partner and then a lot of times this is created at a gym or at a, at the workplace where somebody will step in and fill that role.
[00:03:47] And I just want to deepen people's understanding of attraction on all levels. This isn't just in relationships, but this is like with with cars, with houses, like a lot of people spend their time not focusing on what they do have and being in gratitude for the way they do have and continuing to develop that, but they focus on what they're not getting or what they don't have.
[00:04:12] And this is kind of the groundwork of how I hope to approach this, this podcast, to just open up the listener's minds to just a different way of viewing love and consistency and comfort and realizing that attraction is based around either the search of, or the fear of loss.
[00:04:38] Aaron: Yeah. And if you can go into a little bit more, if you're able to, the differences right off the bat in defining what love is and the way we're going to be talking about it and what attraction is, so that the people out there can immediately understand kind of the differences and then we can jump into why we're defining it in that way and what the different attributes are of each.
[00:05:03] Alexander: Well, certainly I feel that in intimate relationships, at any level, freedom is a big part of love. And that's a tricky one for most people, because a lot of people try to control the people that they love. And so, again, that can fall under attraction, a fear of losing that person. But love doesn't carry that fear. Love doesn't carry the fear of loss.
[00:05:29] And in attraction, that If a person focuses their life through attraction, they will never be satisfied. They will always be thinking that the grass is greener on the other side and always be seeking that out. And another big point of love, is taking it out of just intimate relationships, but understanding the way that, that to look at this in a way that separating love and attraction. And many people, I really think about in the relationships, they feel like attraction is a big part of the relationship that develops into love and that kind of thing. And I just want to bring to everyone's attention that a mother's love for their child doesn't have to do with attraction. Your love for a parent or a sibling has nothing to do with attraction. So I just want to bring that that view into our intimate relationships, to be able to look at a person outside of that attraction, to how safe they make you feel, how trustworthy they are, how comfortable you are with them, how supportive they are. All these different attributes that I feel like is just as important as attraction, but they don't always get the same amount of attention. And again, just highlighting how our culture has been designed around attraction, and has really taken us away from, not just fairy tales, but deeper levels of connecting with people. And again, with attraction, I'm not just talking about physicality, there's, you know, attraction on all five levels, whether that's the Physical, the Mental, the Emotional, the Energetic, or the Spiritual, or Religious.
[00:07:17] So again, pay attention to your voids that you have in your life, in your relationships, because that's going to steer your attraction, which can create, you know, dramas in people's lives, because they're seeking out that attraction, rather than supporting and developing the love in the relationships that they have.
[00:07:37] Aaron: Yeah, I think when you bring up like a Mother's relationship, a mother's love for a child, and then you want to compare that to a romantic or intimate relationship, people are going to say, well, that's different. It's a different type of love. Just, you know, in a normal conversation, people would say that. I would say that.
[00:07:58] But what I think they're talking about is, attraction is baked into that love because there's that, that sexual attraction. Of course, there's not going to be that sexual attraction with a mother and a child. So, I think what we are talking about when we talk about a romantic relationship compared to, you know, a sibling relationship or a mother-child relationship is that attraction baked in.
[00:08:24] So here, we're just kind of separating them saying a component of a intimate relationship is that love part combined with that attraction part. And I think a lot of us in this modern day culture tend to focus more on that attraction part of that relationship than the love we have for that being, and that respect, and like you mentioned, the freedom which, for me, pulls into allowing that person to be their Authentic Selves, and almost like, rooting for them to grow into their Authentic Selves. I feel like that's a love, even if that means that they're growing away from you, they're growing into loving themselves more and being who they are within their energetic design.
[00:09:24] So I feel like all these are kind of baked in but that separation is, I think, what we're talking about when we put it into modern day terms. It is more focused on the traction and we're trying to separate, and then we're going to consciously bring attention to the different aspects of that attraction and love, and how looking at each one separate is going to bring a whole new perspective. And when you shed light and you can focus your intentional energy on each one of these, it gives you more choice, because now you're that you're aware of how you're how you work within these energies and again, like the J.U.S.T. Philosophy is centered around identifying and working with energy and how it works on this plane and the law of polarity, and so that, like that comes in huge with when we talk about attraction because it's really like we can bring in the push and pull. That's huge in attraction. And if you're aware of that push and pull within attraction, then you're, like, you're not going to be easily manipulated by that. Because people can even use that to their advantage in a relationship. They can do things to get you to feel differently, and if you're aware of that, then you can identify that, and then have a choice on how you want to interact with that energy. But from, just from my point of view that's what people are talking about when they talk about romantic relationships versus you know, a sibling or a parent relationship.
[00:11:04] Alexander: Well, I think this is an interesting topic and this is playing out exactly the way I was hoping, to get these different views going back and forth, kind of like a tennis match. It's not a matter of who's right here, it's expanding our views. And when we say that our love is different, potentially for an intimate partner than a mother and son or you know a father and daughter or something like that, I'm posing question of why. Because the sex isn't part of the love. That's a physical experience that can be developed into a spiritual and multi level experience, but even the attraction, I'm just looking to, to whether, if two people in an intimate relationship, different people need different levels of sexual connection, just like mental and spiritual, all these different five levels. And what I'm attempting to bring to the plate here is that say that two people have been together for 12 years and they don't feel like they can connect with their partner on a spiritual level, but see, maybe they're connecting on all four other levels and then they start obsessing that I need this connection with my partner, instead of having a friend or a community that you can go get that void filled with and still have a wonderful relationship with this person. That the main point is just to not let our voids override what the benefits and the beauty that is there.
[00:12:44] And many times when I speak to a partner in a relationship that is being tested and maybe they don't want to cheat, but they really feel a pull to connect with this person. That's what I attempt to point out is the void that is there. And is there a healthier way to fulfill that void rather than somebody that is tempting your relationship? And I just want it to be seen that it's a responsibility of ourselves to fulfill those five levels. And I would like for people to work at not projecting that that's somebody else's responsibility in their, in the relationship.
[00:13:24] Because again, if you want somebody to be part of something, you ask and invite them, everybody's got a limit on the amount of rejection that they're going to take and then they're going to go look for that somewhere else. So the key is if you want somebody to get more involved with a certain aspect of your life, then don't force it on them and don't try to guilt them into it. You go have fun doing that and see if they want to wind up being part of that is the key. Because our happiness is our own responsibility, and so we can entice people rather than through guilt and through many different aspects that our culture has developed, through example is what I'm talking about.
[00:14:08] Go show the example of what that action or that experience does for you, and hopefully it will inspire your partner. And, again, maybe that person in that relationship that has a void, say it's in the spiritual level, and they connect with somebody, and then they happen to be physically attractive, just in general, and then this person's connecting to them on a spiritual level, see, that can tend to pull them into focusing on that attraction rather than the love and the comfort and the support and everything that, that is there.
[00:14:44] And that's all that I'm suggesting is everywhere in your life where you feel temptation, simply look for a healthier way to fulfill that void rather than risking failing at your relationship and just moving on and creating the same patterns with somebody else.
[00:15:03] Because again, the key about attraction is it wanes over time. I mean, people that, that lease cars every two years or buy new cars every three to five years, you know, there's never going to be a level of contentment there because they're always looking for that next purchase and next purchase. And sometimes I think that it's useful to look at attraction outside of human beings, but to actually things that we're attracted to. Say, if I'm driving my Honda Element, but I'm always wishing that I had a Hummer. The energy goes toward that creating a void in the appreciation for my Honda element. And see, it's okay to just like that Hummer, but not to focus on it day after day after day, because then guess what? My Honda element may start to break down. This is the way that energy works in the subtle world. Wherever you put your attention, the energy and actions go. So break the monotony if you are out there struggling with voids. And realize that you're being pulled toward attraction, which can be very misleading is all that I'm suggesting here.
[00:16:12] Aaron: What we're really talking about is taking a step back, because when we are in the human experience, and we are like sucked in, and like really heavily in the mental, or just not being conscious is really what it is, we can tend to go throughout life just reacting. And that's when attraction can get you in trouble, because you feel yourself being attracted to something, but you're never questioning it from a conscious level. Like, why am I attracted to this person? It's just like, you're just going around and reacting to everything that you're attracted to, as if that's a sign that you're supposed to have that, and I think that is something that also gets people in trouble is when they feel attracted to something, they think that on some level, that's a sign that they're meant to interact with that person, to be with that person. And that's not always so, because if you can bring consciousness in I think on some level you can, like, when you can identify what you're attracted to, that's just a sign that you may have a void there or it's a certain type of behavior or energy that you want or need to bring into yourself.
[00:17:31] Maybe you have something that you don't like about yourself, and this person has mastered that, or they were born energetically with that trait, and so you're attracted to that. But if you never question it, you never know why you're attracted to it. And then, again, like you're being led down these alleyways that, I mean, obviously it's going to teach you something, and you're going to learn something. But you can cut corners and years out if you can just identify what it is that you're attracted to.
[00:18:05] So, if we could look at attraction and pause when we feel ourselves being attracted. Right? We can identify and bring consciousness in, and then we have a choice. Because also another thing, I feel like when we want something, that's when we shut that consciousness off, and then wherever that is, we're almost like creating an attraction point, because we're saying, I want this. I desire this. And then anywhere that shows up in our life, we're going to be led down and we're no longer questioning why we want it. We just know we want it. And there's just a whole nother level of information that consciousness seems to bring in, in this situation.
[00:18:52] Alexander: Yeah, and I like to bring up the connection with appreciation. And every time that attraction comes up, Again, many times attraction is created by a void. If we bring in appreciation of what we have, in the person that we have, or the car that we have, or the health that we have, see, it, I'm not trying to say let's get away from attraction. It's there, but it's not to lead us, is the key.
[00:19:21] And so, seeing a beautiful person, or a beautiful car, or a beautiful home, or beautiful nature, and see, but we're, I think we're easily, we're most easily able to do that in nature. We're attracted to a bird sound, and then we see it, and see, we go into appreciation right away. There's not this yearning to control, to get it to, you know, catch it, like that kind of thing. But there are some people that have that level of attraction in nature, whether it's hunters or people that enjoy trapping things. And I'm not judging that. I'm just saying that that is what I'm working to bring in here into relationships, is that same ability as we're able to do in nature, to be attracted to a sound or something visual. And then you shift that energy into appreciation and you're part of that experience rather than pining for it. And that attraction, there's normally a pining that's involved if it lasts more than just a few seconds. And see that appreciation step is what can bring in for, hey, I'm appreciating this person's physical beauty, but I'm so appreciative for my partner and everything that they do for me and how dedicated they are, trustworthy and that kind of thing.
[00:20:39] See, you acknowledge that that's a beautiful person, but you don't need to go up and talk to them. You don't need to go introduce yourself. You don't need to pursue it. And most of the time where attraction lives, people want to pursue, and that's the, the yellow flag that's waving. And we're suggesting today to just bring in appreciation so that that appreciation leads you back toward love, is the point.
[00:21:03] Aaron: I think that's a excellent place to wrap this free version up. I'm definitely looking forward to getting a little deeper into what would be our optimal partner. In this situation, if we are bringing consciousness in and when we're aware of attraction and love, and of course, like, we want to have some sort of attraction to our partner, so I'm looking forward to getting deeper into that and getting that question answered and also talking more about the energy and even how possibly our energetic makeup is playing a role in how we are either more or less attracted to certain types or, whether just our individual selves are more prone to that.
[00:21:48] So I hope people who are really interested in this conversation can join us over on the Complete Conversation. And so grateful that you all joined us for this.
[00:21:59] Alexander: See you on the other side.
[00:22:02] Aaron: Thank you all for joining us on the complete side of this conversation on attraction and love. Alexander, I wanted to talk about attraction from the point of, like, why are we attracted to certain traits or types of people? And, I think, you know, my guess would be that, or from my experience, it would be that there's some type of something that I need or want to change within me that that person has. But of course, on the like subconscious level, that we're usually operating on, that's not even like part of it. We're just like, "Oh, attraction!" And we're just being led by that energy because it is that, that pull energy. It's pulling us in. And if we're not aware of it, like we talked about in the free version, if we're not aware of that pull, then we're just going to be sucked in like a vacuum. And we're getting ourselves into situations that we may not want to get into. So it's, it's important to be aware of all aspects. But what are some reasons why we could be attracted or feel attraction for something?
[00:23:23] Alexander: Well, the first point you brought up is a really good one. Many times we are attracted to things and other people that we don't possess ourselves. And that can turn into inspiration or it can turn into jealousy. It can go either one of those ways.
[00:23:39] Attraction can also be, as we mentioned in the free part connected to voids that we are experiencing in our lives. The other part that attraction has been affected is in our culture and basically, whether you want to call it marketing brainwashing, that most people in general just have a view of when you say an attractive person it's kind of like saying don't think of a pink elephant. You, as soon as you ask somebody to think of a, of an attractive person, there's kind of like a certain cookie cutter make out, of both men and women, that gets that. Whether it's cheekbones or whether it's an hourglass figure or so size comes into it, certain structure features and those types of things.
[00:24:38] And, I want to make people aware that a lot of our attraction has been trained to us. And again, anytime we can utilize the benefit of attraction is to lead us toward appreciation, to lead us toward maybe looking at a healthier way to fulfill that void, and leaning us toward seeing something in somebody else that we want to strive for, and so we use it as inspiration rather than jealousy.
[00:25:09] So again, we're bringing this attraction in, like all of the so called negative emotions, to say that they all need respect and recognition. That anger is part of our human experience, but it doesn't mean that we have to make decisions out of anger or continue to react out of anger. We can redirect the energy with the Three Rs and The J.U.S.T. Philosophy of whether it's a person, place, or situation. Recognize it, learn to show it Respect, and then Redirect it.
[00:25:41] And that's, what we're continuing kind of chopping down in this attraction thing that we're not saying that it's bad in any way, shape, or form, but it can be misleading. And we just want to be able to redirect that energy back into appreciation.
[00:25:57] Aaron: When you were talking about being led by our what we're attracted to, because a lot of it is being trained to us. I feel like a lot of that happens if we don't know ourselves. Because if we know ourselves, then it's like we have a relationship with ourselves, and then we're more aware of what we're attracted to and why we're attracted to it. And if we have some sort of set of values or I think there's another word that you've used instead of values. Is there one? Yeah, it is definitely in line with integrity like we talked about in the last episode. Yeah, like a set of principles that we live and uphold within ourselves, for ourselves.
[00:26:45] So, I feel like if we have that, then we're not so easily swayed by marketing, by the things that are told, like you were kind of mentioning, cheekbones in a person's physical appearance. We may be able to see the cost more easily in that, like a person who does themselves up, they obviously put a lot of energy into the way they look, so they may not put energy into a lot of other parts of their personality, or other aspects, so there may be a void there. Because, like I like to say, we only have so many attributes In our life, that we only have so much energy and attention to put towards something. So if somebody is putting a lot of energy into their physical appearance, then you can assume that their intention is not in other aspects.
[00:27:47] So I think when we are more in alignment with ourselves we become more intimate with ourselves we're not easily swayed.
[00:28:00] Alexander: Yes, I agree. And when you're able to break that down into, all five of the levels and being aware of, where the attractiveness is coming from. Is it the spiritual the mental, the emotional, the energetic or the physical? And it can be a combination of those, but again, just being aware of that consciously helps you to stand in your power rather than being led.
[00:28:26] And this is where I wanted to bring in that you can see something as attractive without being attracted to it. And that's the art here, is being able to see beauty for beauty, but no, again, need to pursue it. And, so many people struggle with this mentally, because like I said, they may meet a new person and they have a conversation with them, and it's around one aspect, say the spiritual aspect, you know, and they can become very attracted to that person, just around that conversation.
[00:29:04] But yes, they don't understand that person on the other five levels at all. And this is where, I like to say that love is developed. Attraction happens. Trust is earned. And respect should be given. And forgiveness is a necessity.
[00:29:29] So, in that, the attraction does just happen. When people say, oh, we fell in love at first sight. Well, I can agree that you fell in attraction at first sight, but any love takes time to develop and even with a love between a mother and a child, they get nine months together before the physical so called meeting. And that love is being developed through that whole time on all the different levels.
[00:29:59] So this is again to help one get closer to your Authentic Self by knowing your three questions of Who are you? What are you passionate about? And How do you look to exemplify those passions in who you are? And in that, the attraction shifts to again, like an appreciation, but not a need to pursue.
[00:30:25] Whether that is a car, or a house, or a bracelet, or a new instrument, or another person. So again, nothing wrong with exercising attraction in this world, just is it leading you or are you managing it is the big question for this whole episode.
[00:30:45] Aaron: So (attraction) it's kind of very similar to the way we talk about emotions, right?
[00:30:50] Alexander: Yes, and that's kind of like, I kind of want to group attractive in, like as an emotion, that pull, like whether it's the pull of anger or the pull of sadness, like, all the emotions have this pull, and part of self development is not getting caught in that undertow, to recognize, as soon as you're entering into an emotional state, that that's where you start to redirect the energy, and that's what we're suggesting here.
[00:31:20] Nothing wrong with acknowledging something or someone as being attractive, but it's just that it's like window shopping. Oh, I really like that suit, but I'm not here to buy a suit today. You know, I'm enjoying time with a friend or whatever that is, so that you're, you're looking at it as nothing bad or nothing wrong, just a continuous thought of, someone or something that is attractive is very similar to a continuous thought of hatred or anger or vengeance or anything like that.
[00:31:52] And I, sometimes I feel that people can look at as attractiveness as being something so called positive. And again, we want to shine the light here that so called positive emotions or anything that leads us can be just as exhausting on an energetic field as something that we want to avoid or negative emotion that we want to get out of.
[00:32:16] Aaron: Yeah, you said it in the past that emotions aren't intelligent, and this is kind of the same thing.
[00:32:22] I like how you explain that, because I can see it very much like an emotion, where it's just information. It's just telling us something about ourselves, just like when we feel an emotion come up. It's just telling us something about ourselves, whether it's somewhere we have work on. The attraction is very similar to that, in a way, because it is kind of showing us, it could be like we're attracted to it because it's something that we need to do or it's, you know, the Universe showing us where we have work to do.
[00:32:59] And so I wanted to jump off that and come back to relationships that are heavily based on that attraction, where they are heavily made up of whether you really get along, and you're intimate, or you're fighting, and that seems to be something that can be very common, and potentially, in that situation, those relationships probably have the, like, you have the most to gain, if you're open to that, because when you take two opposing sides, the amount of friction and force is going to be the greatest. So you have the most opportunity to change in those situations, right? And versus if you're in a relationship, an intimate relationship with somebody who there's just a little friction, there's just maybe like one or two areas maybe where you have that where it could be an area for growth.
[00:34:09] So I guess my first question is, is when we feel attraction, is that always an area for growth? I know, like, absolutes, we shouldn't, we should suggest strongly not to enter into those in our vocabulary but would you say, like that's a good probability that there's ways that we're gonna grow in that situation?
[00:34:35] Alexander: Yeah, I think that's part of developing a self development mindset to where anytime you experience anything that is a pull, that is an opportunity to look at something internally.
[00:34:46] Again, it doesn't, everything you look at isn't necessarily negative and there is a usefulness in assessment. You know, there's a difference between assessing yourself or somebody and judging yourself or someone and assessing is very necessary in self development work.
[00:35:05] So when we go through these, as you brought up in the past, I have mentioned that the emotions aren't intelligent. And what I mean by that is that, like frustration doesn't know the difference between the frustration of not being able to send an email and the frustration of not being able to save a loved one and they're dying in front of you.
[00:35:30] And that's very important for people to get to understand because when I went through my excruciating chest pain for five to seven years, if I entered into frustration at all, my pain would come back full force. It didn't matter the level of frustration that I went into. And here is very similar that if you allow attraction to lead you you're kind of leaving yourself, you're leaving standing in your power, instead of just being able to see it as an emotion like, oh, I recognize that I'm getting a little frustrated here, so let me change my environment, let me change the conversation, whatever, go get a drink of water.
[00:36:12] It's very similar with attraction, once you start honing in on it and overthinking about it, you know, it creates greed, it can create lust, it can create all these obstacles, emotional obstacles, that in self development we're looking to lessen in our lives.
[00:36:32] So, again, if that traction is able to take you to appreciation- because I want to give, like, just a separation of, an example of how I'm looking at this separation, that, say a couple that enjoy each other and carries a certain level of attraction. So we'll just call it male and female in this situation, this example. And the female walks across the room and the male experiences is attraction. Normally many times that is stimulated, physically, not always, but it can be on all five different levels. And see if they start asphyxiating on the attraction, then they start thinking about sex, they just start thinking about things that they want to do to, or with that person.
[00:37:17] And in that moment, as soon as that attraction is there, if they go into appreciation of just like on those all five of those levels that, no, I really appreciate her size, her looks, her hair, but I appreciate her level of depth, her ability to communicate with me, how dedicated she is to her own belief system and the way she looks at life.
[00:37:42] So, all of that, see, expands and if you go and you embrace that person, after that level of appreciation, instead of just the attraction, there'll be a whole different exchange. And see, many times, people will embrace their partner and get some rejection, and that's when I feel like a lot of times, they're being led by attraction, mainly, or attraction only.
[00:38:06] And see, the person can feel the so called shallowness of that, and they're not willing to interrupt whatever they're into for that, but if that person comes with all five levels of appreciation and saying something complimentary about all five levels, that person's a whole lot more likely to receive them.
[00:38:23] So, I wanted to get that, that across of the attraction leading to the appreciation, which expands your experience. And yes, attraction is important in relationships. And what you brought up is what I've mentioned in the past, or whatever level or how high your attraction goes, that's to the level of friction, whenever friction comes around, we'll be there. That's why there's a lot of relationships in this world that fight and have sex, fight and have sex, because it's a very similar energy and it's all around this attraction. But then when the attraction isn't there or not being appreciated to see, there's all this resistance to deal with.
[00:39:04] And yes, people that have less of that so called physical attraction, many times they get along better. They have more realistic communication and able to work through things faster. So I feel that many people in our culture just put too much weight on attraction and not the all the other aspects like appreciation. And that's what we're just trying to kind of round the edges. As you've said before, to make this whole transition or experience of attraction, and appreciation, and that builds toward love, can really help people experience as deep connections as possible in this human form.
[00:39:46] Aaron: Yeah, and of course, we don't know, because it's called love out there, you know? So, attraction and love are combined into one word. It's not really ever talked about separately. So, we're kind of being led by the blind in this, in this situation. And there's nobody really out there explaining this the way, you know, we are, to an extent.
[00:40:11] But when you get into bringing in the appreciation, it sounds like that is creating the merger of love and attraction, which is similar to what I just said, as the language being used out there is grouping them two together, but when people talk about love, they're talking about attraction, and we're kind of talking about the merger of the two to create more of a like, wholesome, all five level Love for somebody that encompasses everything and it is going to such a depth that can only be like really sought after by most people. Because I don't feel like the tools are out there the education is out there and the discussion of the level of awareness and consciousness that it takes to get to that level to even know that that level exists and how to get there is out there.
[00:41:17] So, you know, we see it in the movies, we see it, but it's such a, it's such a finite amount of time in that timeline in the movies that we kind of experience it, to a level of degree but we can sense that it's real, and so I feel like many of us spend our lives searching for that, but we don't know how to obtain it. And we're just kind of led by Hollywood, by marketing, that this attraction this heavily sexualized energy is what's gonna lead you to that.
[00:41:54] And, by the way, we're discussing it through the J.U.S.T. Philosophy, we're saying that it's possible to get there through that, but it takes, I would say both people doing a lot of self development because it's going to be a lot of friction if you want to go that way from attraction to that love whereas if you can recognize that level of attraction- and if you're not ready for that level of commitment of work, then you have the option to say, hey I can see that I'm attracted to this person, let's find out why I'm attracted to that, but maybe that's not a good fit if I'm looking for a relationship. Because that level has a cost and that cost is what you talked about that crazy high and low roller coaster ride. And if that's not the type of relationship that you want, it's good to know upfront that that energy is supporting that, that may, maybe, maybe you can change it.
[00:43:01] But to me, in the last seven years, energy doesn't lie, it's just us lying to ourselves about it. So, again, like, all of this is, is energy that we're talking about, and I hope to be able to put some more time into trying to explain, if people out there don't understand the energy component, I hope that one day we can somehow explain it more in depth. But to me, it just comes naturally because I can sense energy. Like, I can, like, I just, I have an innate sense, and I get, and I can't be so naive to think that everybody can feel that.
[00:43:46] So I'm going to try to find a way to communicate that in a different way, because I think it's important. It's important for understanding this, the J.U.S.T. Philosophy as this whole encompassing system on energy is the driving force. And if we can understand how energy works, then that's really what the J.U.S.T. Philosophy is all about. It's all about taking how energy works and applying it in all aspects of our life. And once you have that, then you understand the whole system, and you can start really applying this to any aspect of your life, and you don't need a guru to tell you, to pose those questions, and to tell you what you should be doing. You can derive that information from your internal self.
[00:44:30] Alexander: Yeah, I mean, I think it's important here to just consider that people that are in deep states, deep states of love and in intimate relationships, I'm willing to say that appreciation can replace potentially attraction.
[00:44:48] Aaron: That's a good point.
[00:44:48] Alexander: And that when somebody says, are you still attracted to your partner? See the thought of appreciation of them as a whole. Well, yes, I'm still as attracted today as I was the first day we met, but see, that attraction has changed, has shifted through appreciation. And, you know, I have a saying that you may not want to call it love if you're looking for something in return. So earlier in the free episode, when we were kind of defining love, because love means very many different things to different people, you know, freedom and the fact of not wanting something in return, is again, aspects of what I call Conscious Love. And attraction is normally based around either the fear of loss or the obstacle of the hunt the game.
[00:45:40] So see, in relationships with high levels of attraction, there's high levels of fear that come with that. Fear of the person leaving, fear of the person cheating, these fears, and that does not nurture love. So see, those people can say that they're in love with this person, they're so super attracted to them, but if they're worried about them leaving, if they're worried about themselves not being attractive enough to keep this person, those types of things, see those aren't loving attributes.
[00:46:12] And hopefully again, this is just to kind of separate this, that when you do feel attraction, that pull is more than likely not necessarily going to pull you into a conscious experience. But the fact that you recognize attraction, and then you bring in appreciation for your life, for people that's in your life, and that this attraction, this person, place, or thing help to stimulate that. And then you go into just the gratitude. Just like I was saying earlier with my Honda Element compared to a Hummer. You know, I can see the Hummers and I can appreciate them, not that I'm a fan of Hummers, it's just an analogy. But as soon as I see another car that I think that I would like to have, I immediately go into appreciation for the car that I do have.
[00:47:00] And, and I want to stay in that energy of inspiring and using being attracted to something as inspiration to change, whether that's my external experience or my internal perceptions. And that's what, again, highlighting this discussion between attraction and love, and just posing the question of does attraction really lead us toward love or is it kind of attraction inspires appreciation, which over time really develops into a love on a well rounded area. And those that are building relationships off of physical attraction especially, see they will put up and they will put up with a lot more from the other person and they will do without things that are important to them because of that attraction. And when the attraction is lower, many times that person's standing in their power, being aware of their three questions of exactly who they are and what's important is much more balanced.
[00:48:10] And so, again, we're always looking at extremes and not judging them, but seeing how we can bring those back into a little bit more equilibrium. And I think this discussion has been a great one to at least open up the view of how people are approaching love and relationships and how they handle, you know, attraction and the ability to bring more appreciation into the lives.
[00:48:38] Aaron: Yeah, I like that you talked about transitioning that attraction into appreciation. So those who are hearing us talk about being in relationships that are highly attraction based that it's not like you just need to, if you want to be conscious in your life, you don't need to suddenly cut ties or run away. There is a path toward that. But I think about the person listening, what if they're, you know, their mate isn't into this work. And so they start transitioning into appreciation and that other person doesn't at the same time. So again, we talk about growth too. I mean, in a way that is growth, but if one person starts growing more toward their Authentic Self, more toward a consciousness based life, and the other person doesn't, how's that going to end up? I mean, I guess in one way it could cause that other person to, it could cause a push-pull where this person is going in this direction, so this person senses it and wants to, like, I could create a distraction point there or it could, you know, repel too. So I guess I answered my own question, I don't know, but I don't know if you want to add to that.
[00:50:00] Alexander: Yeah, I mean, again, this would be an example of a void creating, you know, attraction in a certain direction and there is healthy ways to fill that void and unhealthy ways, whether it's substances, or people, or possessions, or whatever. So, the structure and discipline and management is very important when someone's growing in relationships, because no two people grow at the same rate or in the same way, but you can work towards growing with each other or growing apart. And that's what's happening in relationships is they're constantly growing. They're either growing closer together or they're growing further apart.
[00:50:39] And some people do both over long periods of time. So here is where it's most important to be the example of what you, how you're fulfilling yourself with whatever you feel like is lacking in your relationship. So, if that happens to be a so called spiritual connection I completely understand, because that's very important to me in my relationships.
[00:51:04] But, it's not the so called deciding factor, there's many variables. And, if I'm always looking for somebody to so called keep up with me or be where I'm at or that kind of thing, I limit the amount of people that I can relate to. So, those that are interested in being the example rather than the teacher, interested in being useful rather than right, you're willing to put your time in to say, this is important to me, this is a healthy way that I'm getting it, I'm looking to inspire this person, hopefully, rather than direct them or guilt them into doing what I would like them to do. And then over a period of time of years, I mean, again, to be the example of something, it takes a long duration to truly be the example. So, with being willing to put years into being that example, and at some point, if that person isn't getting inspired, many times, see, it'll increase the resistance and the reaction cause many relationships don't like their partners changing.
[00:52:13] So again, all this is useful information, but it's to finish a relationship, and complete that, the closing of it, before risking getting attracted to somebody that carries the void that you have in your relationship, and then you, many times people will go in the direction of the new relationship, and that be the reason for the ending of the previous relationship, and that creates patterns that just keep on going.
[00:52:41] So again, the time duration is important here in, when I use the example of being the example, rather than the teacher.
[00:52:50] Aaron: So, in some ways, we can look at attraction and see it as anything that we can become addicted to, right? Because it's very similar to, you know, somebody who's just addicted to drugs, like they're looking for the next fix in a way. If we're being led by attraction in that way or we're allowing ourselves to subconsciously or consciously. Then it can seem like that because it's really just an energy that we're being addicted to. So, in this way, it's a pull energy and like in the way of, I guess, drugs, it's more of an escape energy. But we can say that with, I think you mentioned food or anything, you know, if we want to be the investigator and look within ourselves, I think all of us could find something that we have a sort of like, even if it's slight, a slight addiction to something.
[00:53:44] Mine lately is, I get a hit of dopamine when I sell a vinyl album on eBay. And then when I sell it, like, I feel good, and then I'm like, man, just, I want another alert saying I sold something else. And so I can find myself sometimes, like, stuck in this, I'm just staring at my computer waiting and refreshing, waiting to see if there's another one.
[00:54:09] So then I'm like, all of a sudden I become conscious, I'm like, Aaron, what are you doing? Like, you're wasting time.
[00:54:12] Alexander: Good example.
[00:54:14] Aaron: Like, this is, this is a way of, a passive way of making money. Like, you don't need to be active in watching it. I'm not sure if there's an energetic connection in that in that way of doing it. But what do you think in that of attraction being something that we can become addicted to?
[00:54:34] Alexander: Yes. That's a very big challenge. And when we're not able to shift it to inspiration- like with that, you need another, something specific to give you that hit. I just helped somebody, or I was part of providing something that somebody wanted. How could I do that again? Oh, I know my neighbor loves apples and I just got a fresh bucket of apples from my tree. I want to go give that neighbor some apples. And then what else? Oh, I'd really like to call my mom and tell my mom that, you know, I love her. And I can't do that, but somebody that their mom is alive, that could turn into a phone call. And so the thing is, is that's an example of using as inspiration rather than staying locked in on the attraction part. Because you're attracted to that feed of selling that specific way.
[00:55:29] And, but when you're looking to be inspired and you're looking to be in appreciation, then it's like, okay, I got that there. Now, how can I get the same thing in a different way, and in another different way, and another different way. And see our creative forces are able to create all these different ways to get that dopamine hit, but for the addict or the person that is seeking that excitement of attraction is they're reliant on, see, the other person. Because you can't make somebody buy that album. You're reliant on the external, and this is with all the negative emotions, this is the issue, is that we become dependent on the external, rather than standing in our power, knowing who we are, knowing what we're about, and knowing what we exemplify, and then not being anything but inspired by attraction and how to get that in other areas of our life.
[00:56:26] Aaron: Because when we are dependent on something, that thing has some sort of control over us we're giving up our power to that. So, I wanted to get into how we can use attraction consciously. And of course we talked about the process of transmuting it into inspiration. But what about like the process of it in real time. So if, you know, if you find yourself having an attraction, like what steps can you go through in your mind or are there other ways? I can see how for me possibly checking in with my intentions in my life or what I'm trying to accomplish and holding that against this attraction and where this would take me if I follow this lead to whatever it is. Is it going to take me off my path? So, for me, like a general check in is where I go when I think about going through this process. What would you say would be good for people to keep in mind as maybe like a sort of step by step to check in?
[00:57:37] Alexander: Sure, this is a great review. Right off the bat is to question is there a void? As soon as you feel that attraction toward a person, place, or thing, to consider that there's a high likelyhood that there's a void here. If, for some reason, you cannot find a void, then I like to question have I been taught to be attracted to this? Like the reason that my brother likes to drive Ford trucks is because my dad drove Ford trucks. He can say that they're more attractive or they're more well built or whatever, but again, I know that that was, you know, he was influenced there.
[00:58:17] And so being able to separate that, is it a void? Is it an influence? And these are just assessing questions. It's not judgment. And then if it is a void, then, okay, how can I utilize this information to find a healthy way to fill this void? And very similar with you, that, like, with that dopamine hit selling the albums. To expand that of, hey, I don't want to be reliant on this. And maybe the void is the feeling useful or feeling like, I know you've said before that you like providing people with experiences. So again, right away, I love the way this feels, what other kind of experience could I provide for somebody like in an hour or a couple of hours or tomorrow?
[00:59:06] And so it creates this inquisitive and creative part of the mind that this is the golden goose of attractiveness and being attracted to something is to move it in this direction. And see it brings in creativity. It brings in conscious thought. So it helps on all five of those levels when the usefulness is just the initiation, like the emotions.
[00:59:36] They're useful for the initiation to then let the person know, oh, I love the way that this feels. Now I want to bring more of that in my life, but not be dependent on this specific person, place, or thing. And in that way it becomes just such a great exercise in practice. Because again, it doesn't matter whether it's a person, or it's a car, or it's a house, or it's a guitar, or whatever.
[01:00:00] Because even in the musical world I could see a beautiful guitar that looks very, very well made, but as soon as I start playing it, It's not for me. It doesn't mean that it's designed or built poorly. But we don't all as musicians don't like the way that every instrument feels. It doesn't mean that it's not a good instrument. And again, I think people can go to extremes with what they're attracted to, to put a certain level of importance on that. And, again, utilizing in the way we're discussing it, is be careful what importance you put on what you're attracted to. Find the void or find the influence and do something about that.
[01:00:45] Aaron: Yeah, I think sometimes that if you're stuck on or you're adding importance to what you're attracted to, then you need to have certain things, certain ways. Like, I need to have, this person needs to have this trait and it has to be this way and you probably end up passing up some other people who would be a better fit in a way. Because I think if you go through life with that mindset of attraction you're gonna get, like, lesson there I feel like, because again, that's not from a consciousness point of view, if it's not conscious, then you're gonna learn a lesson. That's really what this whole playground, in my opinion, and what I've learned is about. Like, you brought up what I've said before is we come in, kind of like square shaped, in our soul or our higher being and we're here to round our edges to wherever we are stuck in our ways or whatever kind of behavior we're doing that is not conscious for the friction is going to teach us lessons to round our corners. And we're eventually or always being led and I feel confident maybe in using an absolute here but we're always being led by the friction toward consciousness. It's just whether we want to see it that way or not. And if we don't, then we're probably gonna be met with more friction. So,
[01:02:07] Alexander: Yes, because we were given free will so we can take advantage of the situation to grow, or we can continue to resist it. But again, the beautiful saying of what we resist persists I find to be very, very true. And that's why anything that you want to grow, you provide friction. And anything that you want to go away, you use acceptance and you dissolve the friction, and normally that person, place, or thing will go away.
[01:02:33] So again, we're back to the power of acceptance and we talk about acceptance in just about every episode is so important because you can't fool yourself in acceptance. Sometimes people get confused that they think they're accepting, but what they're doing is, it's not accepting, it's allowing. So, see, they allow it, but it's still bothering them inside. And I've worked with so many people on this that thought they were living in acceptance, but what they were living in is an allowing. So the allowing means that I'm not gonna say anything or I'm not gonna change, try to change what's happening, but inside I'm still seething on it.
[01:03:19] Acceptance is I don't need to change anything external and I don't have any resistance to it, either. And so, that's the way I approach this whole philosophy, is I'm not looking to be right. I'm not looking to tell people, this is how it is. I just want to present in a way of like, hey, what if? Have you looked at it this way? Because when I looked at it this way, it changed the whole way that I saw everything. And that's just what I want to help lead people to and give them their free will to experiment and have these experiences themselves and give us feedback and get into this Wise Whys conversation.
[01:03:56] Aaron: Yeah it's almost like the allowing is only on the mental. That you're kind of accepting it, but the other four levels aren't.
[01:04:04] Alexander: Sure. Yes. And again, the all five of those levels is the Spiritual, the Mental, the Emotional, the Energetic, and then the Physical is the fifth one. And there's different levels of attraction on all five of those levels. Again, this is a great exercise for anyone within themselves to sit and just ask which one of those levels in another person is most important.
[01:04:28] And this is getting into another level of priorities of like, yes, I want to be an appreciation led initially by attraction of the spiritual level is most important, and the physical is maybe third or fourth. Or for some people, the physical is going to be the first.
[01:04:45] But again, most people don't take the time to break down the level of importance of these different levels. And I think that that can help empower people, especially in how they're going to get distracted or misled or caught in the undertow of attraction, if they know the levels of what's important to them in an experience or another person. It can certainly aid with that.
[01:05:11] Aaron: And in wrapping up this episode, what is something that somebody out there listening could do quickly and just add to their routine of their everyday awareness of trying to start incorporating these processes into their life, to then take in what they experienced today on this episode and start going forward with a more conscious view on attraction.
[01:05:37] Alexander: I think one kind of game to create is just, you know, really pay attention over the next few days or next few weeks of what you are attracted to. And then just do that simple exercise of is this attraction coming from a void or is this attraction realistically coming from an influence?
[01:05:57] And if you can say that it's not a void and you can say that it's not a influence, then that is something that you have appreciation for. So again, if it's neither one of those two and you see, no, I really have appreciation, then be in that appreciation of it. But again, it's kind of like being able to enjoy a flower in the wild. And you're attracted to it, but you don't need to kill it and bring it inside and enjoy it for just a few more hours or a few more days. You allow it to be the beauty and that inspires you to just look for beauty in the world.
[01:06:36] So, again, I think that's a good example of attraction. The attraction would want to be to control that flower, to bring it in, to utilize it more, but you had to kill it to do that. To where the beautiful side of attraction is, it leads to appreciation, and then in that appreciation, the experience is enjoying the beauty of it, and then turning around and looking at the world in a different view, because you're looking for the beauty in things. So, this is the beauty of attraction going to appreciation that leads the way to love.
[01:07:10] Aaron: Alright, well, that will do it. I appreciate you all joining us for the Complete Conversation. Much gratitude.
[01:07:15] Alexander: Much love, everybody.